(Especially on a Bad Day)
You know the old schoolyard insult — “You’re ugly, and your mom dresses you funny”?
Nobody actually needed that second part. The first one did plenty of damage on its own. But the human brain has never met a pile-on it didn’t love.
I watched this play out in my own head recently.
We adopted a dog. A big, beautiful, scared-of-people dog. And within minutes, he walked away from us; slowly at first, and then just — gone. Into the Montana wilderness with an orange collar and a whole lot of smarts and fear. (He’s still gone today 4/7/26. If you see him, please do not approach him, but please call or text me (406) 261-1233.)
So there I was, trudging through brush and timber, calling for a dog who wanted nothing to do with me. And my brain — helpful as always — offered this gem:
I’m dumb for thinking this would work.
Cool. Thanks, brain. Very constructive.
But wait. It wasn’t done.
Because once “dumb” landed, my brain looked around for what else it could throw on the pile. And it found it: And I’m too old for this.
Not because anything about my age had changed since breakfast. But because feeling dumb apparently opened a door, and every other insecurity walked right through it.
That’s what brains do. They pile on.
One negative thought creates a kind of gravitational pull. You feel dumb, so now you also feel old. You feel old, so now you also feel behind. You feel behind, so now you question every decision you’ve made since 2019. It’s like your brain saw you trip and decided the appropriate response was to also set your shoes on fire.
This is not a malfunction. This is your brain doing exactly what millions of years of evolution designed it to do — scanning for threats, finding problems, and then finding more problems just in case the first batch wasn’t enough.
Neuroscience has a name for it: negativity bias. Your brain gives more weight, more attention, and more sticking power to negative experiences than positive ones. It doesn’t do this because something is wrong with you. It does this because, for most of human history, the humans who fixated on what could go wrong were the ones who survived.
You are the descendant of the anxious ones. Congratulations.
But here’s what I want you to hear:
When your brain starts piling on, nothing has gone wrong.
You have a human brain running a very old, very predictable program. Every brain in every body does this. Yours included. Mine included. The surgeon down the hall — hers too.
The dog situation was hard. That’s real. But “hard” didn’t require “dumb.” And “dumb” definitely didn’t require “old.” My brain just — added those. It took one painful thing and made it about everything. About me as a person. About all of it.
Yours does the same thing. Probably today — even before lunch.
You miss a deadline — and suddenly you’re questioning whether you’re cut out for your career. A conversation goes sideways — and now you’re replaying every awkward thing you’ve said in the last six months. You step on the scale — and your brain starts writing a dissertation on everything else that’s wrong with you.
One thought. Then another. Then another. You’re ugly, and your mom dresses you funny.
So what do you do with this?
You don’t fight it. You don’t try to slap a positive affirmation over the top of it like a bumper sticker on a dented fender. You just notice it.
Oh. There goes my brain, piling on again.
That’s it. You name what’s happening. You catch the pattern. And in the catching, you create just enough space to decide whether you want to keep following that thread — or set it down.
Because here’s what’s also true: I took a chance on a scared animal who needed a home. I’m a woman walking through the woods in April because she made a commitment, and she keeps her commitments.
Same brain. Same day. Completely different story available. I get to decide which one I tell.
And so do you.
The next time your brain kicks you while you’re down — and it will, probably before the day is out — just notice it. You don’t have to believe everything your brain offers you.
It means well. It’s just not very helpful sometimes.
We are a study of one. And this is the experiment, we’re catching the pile-on before it buries you.
Your brain’s pile-on isn’t going to stop on its own. It’s a pattern — and patterns can be interrupted.
As a Logan Health employee, you have access to free coaching sessions with me. We’ll look at the specific thoughts your brain loves to pile on and figure out what to do with them. Let’s have a conversation that actually changes something.
Book your free session here.
Or, if you are not a Logan Health Employee, you can book a consultation to talk about working with me here.
