One time, not that long ago, Scott took me on a date to a local sushi restaurant. Because we were seated at the bar, other people were at another table somewhat close behind us.
I stepped in first, moved my chair over as far into the corner as possible & scooched in as soon as I sat down, trying to keep my space small & contained & not too much.
Scott followed behind, pulled his chair out, sat far away from the counter, with his back almost to the other table, and sat with his legs crossed wide, his right ankle over his left knee.
I was upset, feeling embarrassed. I thought it wasn’t polite, and Scott should move in, slide over and take up less space.
When I asked him to do so, he said– he thought there was plenty of room and was just fine where he was.
I continued to observe and process all of this, a skill I’ve learned through coaching.
Honestly, I felt upset and just wanted him to move in so we could enjoy our dinner together.
But then I continued to “pan out” and look at the bigger picture.
No one asked him to move. No one else even moved over out of his way. So there didn’t seem to be a problem, only with me.
Hm…
I noticed that he didn’t even register taking up space as a problem.
But I thought I should be taking up as little space as possible, being small.
Interesting.
I realized there was no reason I couldn’t take up space, too, so I started practicing taking up space on purpose.
Not sitting squished in the corner.
Not sitting with my legs crossed and wrapped around each other twice.
I purposely stood more upright.
I purposely stood more open.
I moved in front of people, approaching them first rather than waiting for them to move to me.
Over time, I learned to speak up.
I started to ask for what I wanted.
I started to grab hold of opportunities.
And putting myself out there.
All because of coaching,
Observing my husband taking up space,
And wondering why not me?
Sometimes coaching is as easy as observing and asking why.
If you want to learn to take up space, speak up and/ or get what you want, I can help; let’s talk. Book a consult here or a LHW Employee Coaching Session here.
