You shouldn’t have to deal with this… right?
You wrap up your shift late (again), and your relief is nowhere in sight.
You’ve already stayed late three times this week. You’re tired, hungry, and irritated.
Your brain starts in:
“She should’ve been here on time.”
“Leadership should care more about safe staffing.”
“This shouldn’t keep happening.”
And honestly? You’re not wrong.
But you’re also not helping yourself feel any better.
That’s the trap of “should thinking.” It feels righteous in the moment—but keeps you stuck in frustration and resentment long after the moment has passed.
The Big Idea: “Should” thinking is a stress response, not a solution
When your brain tells you someone should be acting differently, or things shouldn’t be the way they are, it’s trying to create certainty and control.
That’s a normal brain function—especially in healthcare, where you’re trained to notice what’s wrong and fix it fast.
But when “shoulds” become your default lens, they create an invisible layer of resistance to reality. You spend your mental energy wishing things were different instead of responding to what is.
This creates more emotional exhaustion, more frustration, and less clarity about what to do next.
Real-Life Examples of “Should” Thinking in Healthcare
You might recognize some of these:
- “Patients shouldn’t be this rude.”
→ So you ruminate on the encounter hours after your shift ends. - “They should’ve trained me better before putting me in this role.”
→ So you feel insecure, but also resentful—and don’t ask for help. - “I shouldn’t still be this overwhelmed.”
→ So you beat yourself up instead of getting curious about what’s going on.
It’s like walking through your day with a low-grade fever of frustration—and no one else can see it.
What to Do Instead: 3 Ways to Stop the Spiral
You can’t control other people. But you can control how long you stay stuck.
Here’s how to shift out of “should thinking” and into something more useful:
1. Spot the Should
Start by simply noticing it. When you hear yourself thinking:
- “This shouldn’t be happening.”
- “They should know better.”
- “I shouldn’t feel this way.”
Name it. “Oh, I”m doing that should thinking thing again.”
This alone gives you a little space and a lot more power.
2. Ask: What’s actually happening right now?
Shift from how it should be to how it is:
- “She’s late.”
- “I feel overwhelmed.”
- “The patient yelled at me.”
Accepting reality doesn’t mean you’re okay with it—it means you stop wasting energy resisting it.
3. Choose a more useful, or better feeling thought
Try on a thought that creates clarity instead of tension:
- “I can decide how I want to handle this.”
- “I don’t like this—but I can still respond intentionally.”
- “Of course I feel frustrated. And I’m still OK.”
You don’t need to like the situation. You just need to respond from the version of you who’s calm and capable—not caught in the spiral.
You don’t have to stay stuck in what “should” be
Your brain will try to make sense of chaos by saying things should be different.
But that thought pattern keeps you reactive, instead of intentional.
Instead, notice the should, assess the facts, and choose thoughts that move you forward.
This is how you start feeling better—without needing things around you to change first.
It’s how you start creating a life (and a career) you actually enjoy living.
Ready to get out of your own head and feel better at work?
Logan Health employees: You have free coaching through Logan Health, as part of your benefits—I’d love to help. Click here to schedule a coaching call and explain how we can get started.
Not a Logan employee? I offer complimentary consults to explore coaching and how it could help you feel less stressed and more like yourself again. Message me here to set one up.
And don’t forget—follow along on Instagram and Facebook for more ways to shift your mindset, one real-life moment at a time.
P.S. Did you hear? I’m giving away a weekend getaway for two to see Nurse Blake live in Missoula!
Hotel stay, gas or dinner money, and FOUR comedy show tickets—valued at $1,000—are all included.
This is your chance to laugh, relax, and feel celebrated for all you do.
To enter, head to my Instagram (@christineseagercoaching) and find the pinned giveaway post at the top of my feed. You’ll find the simple steps there (like, follow, tag friends, etc.).
Deadline to enter: Tuesday, July 15 at midnight (MT).
Don’t miss it—this giveaway was made with you in mind.
