Category: Uncategorized

You’re going to fall in life;

expecting not to would be unrealistic.

And it’s OK; this is how we learn.

The question is: how long will you stay down?

The longer you are down, the longer it will take you to reach your goal.

Also, if you spend all your time afraid of falling, you won’t enjoy your time up, living in constant fear of falling.

But once you do fall, you see it was not that bad.

And each time you get up again, brush yourself off & keep going, you build resilience, getting up faster the next time.

For example, maybe you were hoping for a second date, but he never called.

Maybe you were hoping for a promotion, but you weren’t selected.

Maybe you were hoping to close a deal, but it fell through.

1. Decide the amount of time you will be sad. (Yes, you get to decide how long you feel sad. For example, do you need two minutes, 20 minutes, or 2 hours?

Feel total sadness, disappointment, & upset during that time.

Cry, call your girlfriends, mope around, & do what you do to feel sad.

2. When the time is up, move on by describing how the emotion feels:
Where is it in your body?
What shape is it?
What color?
Texture?
Is it heavy or light?
How does it move?

3. Next, find what is true- no story, just the facts.

For example, you had a first date.

You pursued a promotion.

You created a business opportunity.

4. Then take it up a notch. What worked well to create these results in the first place?

What did you think, feel & do to get that first date?

How are you a great candidate for the promotion?

How did you create the business opportunity?

5. Lastly, what would you like to do differently next time?

What can you think, feel & do to create more first dates?

How will you build your resume for the next promotion?

How will you create more opportunities?

6. Then do exactly that.

The longer you stay down, the longer it will take you to achieve what you want.

The sooner you get back up with these insights & clear “directions” of what to do, the sooner you will achieve what you want.

P.S. If you’d like support when you fall in life to get back up & get going sooner, I can help. I offer a complimentary, no-obligation consultation. Click here to book.

If you struggle to put yourself out there… 

If you worry about what “they” will think…

If you are afraid to show the real you & what you love to do,

don’t forget– no one is making “them” stay. 

They have choices.

If they are uncomfortable, it’s their choice. 

They can choose to stay or go; 

They don’t have to stick around.

You will attract others who want to be there, 

those who choose you. 

Your job is to take care of yourself by being you. 

Their job is to take care of them by doing what they need to do, too. 

You can simply choose not to care what they think and be ok with that. 

But if that feels like a stretch, try this: 

~ Know that caring what other people think is a normal human experience (it’s an evolution trait), 

And yet, you can change. 

~ Remember that their opinions are a reflection of them, not you. 

~Remember that they are responsible for their own comfort, 

just as you are responsible for your own comfort. 

1. Take a look and see what is true here. 

What are the facts? 

Has anyone said any words, 

or are you just worried about it?

2. If they have said negative words–

Consider– is it true? 

Is it really truly true? 

And what is YOUR opinion? 

3. Then allow for the negative emotions that will come up when you decide for yourself– 

be willing to be judged, contrary, criticized, and different. 

So that you can stay true to yourself…

Have more self-trust…

Live a better life– one that you love. 

And, if you’d like support to stop caring what “they” think, 

I can help you. 

If you’d like support to stop calling what “they” think, I can help you. Click here to book a free, no-obligation consultation with the link in my bio.

Did you know that you could decide that right now? 

Yep, right here, right now, at the beginning of the year. 

Many of us think, “But I don’t know if it’s going to be my best year ever; I haven’t lived it yet.”

OK, you can wait until the end of the year to see what happens. 

Or you can decide now and make it your best year ever. 

What would be different in your life if you just decided to make this your best year ever? 

You would feel more empowered. 

You would make better decisions. 

You would do more fun things, have more adventures, travel more, and spend more time with your family- whatever is most important to you.

Simply because you have already decided that this will be your best year ever. 

But what about when things happen that are not so great? 

Know that life is 50/50- 50% good & 50% bad. 

Deal with it if/ when it comes up. 

Learn from it if there is a lesson to be learned by doing an evaluation- what worked, what didn’t, and what you might like to do differently.

Then choose to refocus on how this is (still) your best year ever. 

Find the evidence of how this is (still) true. 

Feel how it feels to be living your best year ever. 

Continue to make decisions about how this is your best year ever. 

Do the things that make this your best year ever. 

So that you have your best year ever. 

If you’d like support to live your best year ever, I’m living my best year ever, too; let’s do it together. 

Or join me on Thursday, January 12, at 11 AM MT for Where to Begin, a free webinar via Zoom, where you will learn how to assess your life to determine what you want and the exact next steps for designing a life you love. Click here to sign up.

Recently, I had the honor of presenting to a group of fantastic real estate agents, during which I was asked: what about negative self-talk? 

Yep, that negative self-talk is a B- isn’t it? 

Solution: question if it’s true. 

Look for evidence that it’s not true. 
Find evidence of how the opposite is (or could be) true. 
Choose to spend more time here, giving equal, if not more, airtime to the thoughts that serve you (rather than the thoughts that can take you down). 

It IS a choice. 

And remember, once you see something, you can’t unsee it. 

Let’s walk through an example. What if someone sold 16 units, but you only sold 6?

You think: she can do it, but I can’t. 
I’m doing “all the things,” but it’s still not working. 
I’m missing something. 
There’s some x-factor that she has & I don’t. 

You feel frustrated, discouraged, and irritated. 

You spend time spinning out in confusion rather than taking clear, direct & effective action. 

Question if it’s true. 
Look for evidence of how that is NOT true. 
Then, find evidence of how the opposite is true. 

If you sold six units, you must be doing something right. 
How did you sell those six? 
Specifically, what did you do or not do? 
What were the thoughts you were thinking? 
How did you feel when you thought those thoughts?  

Get back into that place.
Then, take action from here. 
Evaluate what is working, what isn’t working & what you want to do differently. 
Wash, rinse, repeat. 

P.S. I am a “tough love-er.” Sometimes I have to tell my brain to eff off. I do this from a place of fierce love. My brain and I have formed an excellent relationship, but I had to get tough and be strict first. Now that my brain knows my boundaries, we can both move about freely. And it’s a beautiful thing. 

P.P.S. If you’re interested in learning more, join me for my next (free) monthly webinar, Where to Begin- the first steps to designing a life you love in 2023, via Zoom on Thursday, January 12, 2023, at 11 AM MT. Click here to register & the link will be emailed to you.

I was recently on a flight & spent ~2 hours cleaning out years worth of screenshots on my phone.

I deleted cute quotes, workouts, recipes, decor photos, marketing ideas, and dietary suggestions.

And these are only the screenshots.

I have handwritten notes in journals, typed notes in Notes, in Pages, and in Trello- tons of notes on how to do things. (I’m purging these, too.)

I spent so much time looking for anyone to tell me what to do and how to have a more joyful life.

I would see something I liked or wanted to do, and my brain constantly asked…

b. u. t. H. O. W. ???

And I would spin out in confusion, disappointment, and feeling stuck.

Not anymore.

Now, I know how.

(Newsflash: it has nothing to do with all the screenshots I’ve hoarded and notes I’ve taken.)

It has to do with listening to and trusting myself.

I started small- making just one promise to myself- something easy I could do to show up for myself.

And then I did it.

And my brain was like- huh, she did what she said she would do.

And then I did it again.

Super small.

Very easy.

Decide & commit.

And my brain was like- huh, she did what she said she would do again, and she keeps doing it!

And little by little, I kept showing up for myself.

Little by little, my brain started to trust me.

Little by little, I learned how to reverse engineer the results I want in life.

By practicing the thoughts, I want to think.

By creating the feelings, I want to feel.

By taking the actions I know to take.

And then evaluating the results.

I feel lighter and so much freer.

If you’d like support knowing exactly how to achieve the results you want, the first step is to book a consult. Or you can see info about & register for the next (free) monthly webinar right here.

In the last post, we talked about how to prioritize your time. 

What about when things “pop up”?

Suddenly you have cookies to make, gifts to purchase, and things to wrap.

There is way too much to do not and enough time.

“How did I do this again?”

“I can’t ever get a handle on my time.”

“I will never get this figured out.”

Let’s talk about how to schedule your time.

Look ahead for 20-30 minutes at the beginning of the week.

See what events are coming up.
And what are your next steps to prepare for them?

Let’s use baking cookies as an example.

This actively has several steps.

Find a recipe.

Check your pantry for ingredients.

Check any gear you might need- cookie press, tin foil, parchment paper, cookie sheets, etc.

Write a list of ingredients to purchase.

Go to the store and get the ingredients. 

Mix the cookies.

Bake the cookies.

Clean up.

Each of these steps requires action. 

You do one, then the next, and the next. 

So schedule each of these steps. 

When are you going to look for a recipe? 

When will you go food shopping?

1. Get clear about what needs to be done and when by looking ahead. 
2. Create your schedule.
3. Stick to it.

Decide and commit so that you can actually enjoy spending time with your family at holiday times.

If you feel like you can’t catch up or stay caught up
If you are tired of feeling like a constant failure
If this sounds easy and you know this already, but you aren’t actually doing it

Reach out.

I can help you. 

Together we’ll create a schedule that works for you. 
That will be easy to stick to. 
You will get a handle on your time 
And your life for the rest of your life. 

The first step is to book a free consult: https://christineseager.com/book

In about 24 hours, you’re getting on a plane and have 1 million things to do. 

You could waste time thinking:

“How am I going to get all of this done?” 

“I for sure do not have time to do all this.”

“Where I will find the time.” 

“I don’t even know where to start.” 

Instead of getting upset, take a systematic approach. 

First, know that we all have the same 24º daily. 

You’re smart and can figure it out. 

Then get to the data b/c while you have a lot to do, it’s not 1 Million things. 

What do you have to do?

How much time will they take? 

How much time do you have to do it? 

~ pick up the house- 1 hour

~ run errands- 1 1/2 hours

~ pack- 1 hour

~ attend an event at 5 PM, leave the house at 4:30 PM, and start to get ready at 4 PM 

~ help a friend (who is moving) pack a few boxes ~ 2 hours  

~ you would love to do a Peloton ride if you can fit it in -1/2 hour

How much time do you have to do this? About six waking hours. 

By getting the data, you will feel better having an accurate picture. 

Get the data, be specific- so often, we “drown in vagueness.”

The next question is: when, exactly, will you do it? 

The only thing that is time sensitive is one of the errands- you have to get there before the store closes at 1 PM. 

So, prioritize that. 

Then, what else is a “must-do?” 

Packing- bingo- next priority. 

The next time-sensitive thing is helping your friend- that needs to be done today, so that’s the last time-sensitive priority. 

Picking up the house & the Peloton ride are things you want to do, but don’t have to, so those go last- all before 4 PM tonight & noon tomorrow. 

Spending just a few minutes to plan, then committing to the schedule & sticking to it, will help you feel better- don’t things feel better when you know you have plenty of time for them? 

Notice when you feel anxious about your time. 

Get to the data- lay out the facts. 

Be clear about your time boundaries. 

Prioritize time-sensitive things. 

Prioritize optional things. 

Stick to the plan. 

A boundary is a line that marks the limit of an area. (Picture a fence around your house.) 

Boundaries establish what behaviors you will accept from others and what behavior others can expect from you. 

Boundaries are what you will do if they continue their behavior. 

Boundaries are not to control or manipulate others; people have free will and can choose to honor your boundaries or not. 

But your job is to honor your boundaries. 

First, you will want to know exactly where your boundaries are. 

Be truthful about what you will and will not stand for. 

Then, you must follow through; otherwise, your boundaries will not be taken seriously.  

Be willing to be uncomfortable, but the discomfort is lessened with consistency. 

Action is only required if there has been a violation. 

Again, it’s not about getting them to do or not do anything- they have free will and can do whatever they want to.

But so can you; you get to establish, set, and honor your boundaries. 

When Tara was little, I put so much additional stress on myself by trying to manage my family perfectly. As her stepmom, I felt I was under extra scrutiny. “They” were watching & waiting for me to fail. 

To be clear, Scott, my husband, did not put any of this on me.

I thought she was to be fed, dressed & brushed, & to school on time with signed papers & completed homework neatly tucked into her backpack. 

In the afternoons, I was to leave my job, pick up Tara from school, feed her a snack, complete her homework, bathe, & dress her in PJs, so she & Scott could enjoy their evening together. And, of- course, dinner on the table by 7 PM. 

It doesn’t sound like much. I even thought our parent-to-child ratio was good- two adults to one child- no problem! 

Except it was. The Leave It to Beaver image I had in mind was impossible in real life. I was sure everyone else could do it, just not me. 

These high expectations of myself & Tara were just too much; I sometimes yelled like a crazy lady.

Scott would come home from work; I would hand him Tara & burst into tears, drowning in failure, feeling like I was not a good wife, stepmom, etc. I just could not get it done. 

Now, I can see that my only job was keeping the kid alive. And I could do that. It was a bonus if she was fed, clean, and her homework done. 

I had impossible perfectionistic expectations, but now I know I can step back, look at them & decide if I want to keep those expectations or not. 

The simple question I ask myself is: according to whom? 

IE, a clean house. Does that include windows? Wiping inside every drawer & cupboard? The corners of the bathroom floor and the baseboards? My ‘clean’ is different from my mom’s and my sister’s, so who gets to say? 

Me. I do. I get to say, along with Scott & Tara. And you do, for your family, too. 

PS “According to whom” works well for any enoughness. Try it out for yourself. Pretty enough, thin enough, good enough, successful enough, smart enough… what does that look like & according to whom? 

PPS If you’d like help with your perfectionistic tendencies, this is exactly what I teach my clients to do. I’m booking end-of-year consult calls now. Book one for yourself so we can see if coaching is the right fit for you.

What would it be like if you had 100% responsibility over your own life? 

Amazing, right? 

News flash. You do. 

The only things you HAVE to do to survive are: eat, drink, and go to the bathroom. That’s it. Everything else is optional. Really. Think about that. Everything else is optional. This means everything else is a choice that you have made. 

There might be uncomfortable outcomes if you make some decisions over others, but it is still your choice. 

If you don’t like your job, but you aren’t making moves to get a new or different one, you are choosing that same job every day. 

If you don’t like your relationship, and you want it to change, but you’re not having conversations with your spouse or seeking help, you are choosing that same relationship every day. 

If you don’t like that you are so busy running your kids to school and sports and making dinners, feeling and cleaning up after everyone every day, but you are not making changes, you are choosing to stay that busy every day. 

So what if you stopped blaming other people and other circumstances for your quality of life? What if you took full responsibility? What might that look like? 

It might be setting some boundaries & sticking to them. I.E., each child can pick two sports to pursue and no more. 

It might be tag teaming school drop offs & pickups with another family or having the kids take the bus. You might have to get creative. 

It might be changing at work- moving departments or positions or applying elsewhere. 

It might be picking up the phone and asking for help/ support for your relationship. 

There are always options. I didn’t know this for a long time, either, and it kept me feeling stuck, helpless, and not in control of my own life. I was powerless when looking to and blaming others for everything happening “to” me. But I didn’t see there were options. No one was actually forcing me to do any of the things I was unhappy about. And every day I stayed there, I chose the same life over and over and over again. 

You actually do have control, and you actually do have responsibility. You get to choose. What is the life you want for yourself?