Category: Uncategorized

Perfectionism in an indulgence.

Defined as a refusal to accept any standard short of perfection, perfectionism in an indulgence because it keeps you in inaction.

I know you’re thinking- what does she mean inaction!? I’m doing all of the things!!

Bear with me.

When you spend your time:

Pouring over the perfect email at work– agonizing over what you say & how you say it.

Ensuring your house is clean & picked up before you leave (lest you should die during the day & someone sees what a mess your house is).

Monitoring, I mean watching, what your husband does to ensure he’s doing it “right.”

Over-preparing for a meeting with the board at work.

You waste your time, energy & effort on perfectionism.

Do your best & send the email.

No one will judge your messy, lived-in house if you’re dead.
No matter how much you think it’s true, there is no one “right way” to do things.

Again, prepare & then be okay with doing your best with the board at work.

It is okay to accept a standard just short of perfectionism.

When you stop indulging in perfectionism, you can complete your work in 40 hours/ week instead of the 50 you’ve been working.

You will have more energy to go for that bike ride or have an important conversation with your teenager.

You will feel more accomplished & successful & therefore be happier in life.

Try it. Just see where you might be spending time trying to make something perfect & then don’t. Get to a place where you decide it’s good enough & then send it.

If you’d like help identifying & then stopping your perfectionist tendencies, this is one of the things I help my clients with & I can help you too.

If you’d like to hear more about how I can help, book a complimentary consultation (right here. Logan Health Employees, click here) & let’s talk.

Also, if you’d like to learn how to Manage Your Schedule & Live a Better Life, please join me for this free masterclass on Friday, May, 26, 2023 at 12 noon MT. Advanced registration is required. You can do so here.

Do you have a direct report who talks only about personal things?

They seem to be a sh*t magnet.

When you ask how they’re doing, they start right in & go on & on & on about it-
the car breaking down,
the kids needing to get to school,
the cat who puked all over the kitchen table during breakfast,
the mother-in-law who calls only to nag & complain.
And all of this before 8 AM.

You want to be supportive but can’t get your work done.

You wonder how they get their work done, too, and frankly, as their supervisor, you know that they don’t really.

You wish they would stop, that somehow they would just… not.

But really, they won’t know unless you tell or show them.

You have to establish a boundary.

It can sound like this:

If you continue to talk to me about personal things, I will redirect you back to work-related things.
If our conversation progresses to non-work related things, I’m going to end the conversation.
If you talk for more than 3 minutes about non-work related things, I will walk away.

It can be that simple.

And then you can focus on your work. Having a boundary & leading by example may encourage them to return to their work, too.

You will feel better about your job, have more focus, productivity, energy, and less irritation, frustration, worry, and stress.

If you have employees to establish boundaries with, I will teach you how. Book a (free) call explore coaching with me. LHW employees, click here. Everyone else, click here. 🙂

Do you ever see those women who seem to have it all together? 

They are confident. 
They make decisions quickly & easily. 
They show up on time. 
They keep their commitments. 
Others rely on them. 
Even they seem to rely on themselves. 

How do they do it? 

I used to think women like that were born with a gene I was missing. 

But that’s not exactly true. 

It’s learned behavior that you can learn too. 

Everyone can learn to be like this. 

Getting started is actually simple. 

And the key is starting small. 

Make one small decision. 
What is one simple, easy, quick thing you promise yourself you will do? 
Schedule it. 
Show up. 
Do it. 
Celebrate that you did it. 
Evaluate. 
Wash, rinse, repeat. 

I know it seems too easy, but sometimes simple is not that easy. 
How often do you promise yourself that you will do something, and then you don’t? 

Get up earlier. 
Workout. 
Drink more water. 
Meditate. 
Go to bed earlier. 
Get more sleep. 
Get “it” together. 

When you learn to show up for yourself, you gain 
confidence, 
time, 
trust- for both yourself & others. 

You can earn more money by learning how to speak up & advocating for yourself. 

You become more resilient because you withstand adversity; you know you have your own back. 

You will engage with less people-pleasing and more self-pleasing. 

If you want to become one of those women who genuinely have it together, this is exactly what I help my clients with, and I can help you, too. Click here to get on my schedule for a free consult or here for a LHW employee coaching session.

One time, not that long ago, Scott took me on a date to a local sushi restaurant. Because we were seated at the bar, other people were at another table somewhat close behind us.

I stepped in first, moved my chair over as far into the corner as possible & scooched in as soon as I sat down, trying to keep my space small & contained & not too much.

Scott followed behind, pulled his chair out, sat far away from the counter, with his back almost to the other table, and sat with his legs crossed wide, his right ankle over his left knee.

I was upset, feeling embarrassed. I thought it wasn’t polite, and Scott should move in, slide over and take up less space.

When I asked him to do so, he said– he thought there was plenty of room and was just fine where he was.

I continued to observe and process all of this, a skill I’ve learned through coaching.

Honestly, I felt upset and just wanted him to move in so we could enjoy our dinner together.

But then I continued to “pan out” and look at the bigger picture.

No one asked him to move. No one else even moved over out of his way. So there didn’t seem to be a problem, only with me.

Hm…

I noticed that he didn’t even register taking up space as a problem. 
But I thought I should be taking up as little space as possible, being small.

Interesting. 

I realized there was no reason I couldn’t take up space, too, so I started practicing taking up space on purpose.
Not sitting squished in the corner.
Not sitting with my legs crossed and wrapped around each other twice.
I purposely stood more upright.
I purposely stood more open.
I moved in front of people, approaching them first rather than waiting for them to move to me.

Over time, I learned to speak up.
I started to ask for what I wanted.
I started to grab hold of opportunities.
And putting myself out there.

All because of coaching,
Observing my husband taking up space,
And wondering why not me?

Sometimes coaching is as easy as observing and asking why.

If you want to learn to take up space, speak up and/ or get what you want, I can help; let’s talk. Book a consult here or a LHW Employee Coaching Session here.

Summer is right around the corner, which means… swimsuit season. 

The thought of being in a swimsuit right now sounds dreadful! 

You know you had 15 pounds to lose last summer & now you’ve added winter weight. 

Doing the math, you realize you have ~ 8 weeks & you wonder how fast you can drop these 20 pounds. 

Last summer, you turned down all of the boating invites, feeling embarrassed to be seen in public, and you don’t want to do that again. 

Boating is one of your favorite things to do. 

This year, you’re determined to be comfortable enough to say yes. 

To feel confident in your body while rocking that bathing suit. 

Maybe even feeling sexy while lounging at the beach or on a boat. 

Well, you have a few choices. 

One is to accept how you look now by changing those negative thoughts & feelings into more positive ones. 

Your body could stay exactly how it is right now & you can feel confident rocking that bathing suit. 

Or you can make a physical change through diet or regular exercise. 

But you have no idea how to do it. 

You don’t even know where to start. 

You’ve seen others do it, so you know it’s possible, but you wonder what you’re missing. 

How do they do it? 
Make a plan.
Stick to it. 
Deal with the discomfort if/when it comes up. 
Celebrate & evaluate 
Wash, rinse, repeat 

Here’s what they don’t do. 

Beat themselves up. 

Quit. 

They simply return to the plan (acceptance, diet, or exercise). 

They keep trying. 

They are willing to feel uncomfortable. 

They deal with it when they do. 

They fall, and they get back up. 

They evaluate, adjust & keep going. 

It really is that simple. 

If you’d like help to be swimsuit ready either through acceptance or with physical change, I can help. We’ll specifically cover being willing to be uncomfortable & dealing with discomfort when it comes up. 

You can book a consult here or a LHW Employee Coaching Session here.

You’re at a work conference, and this is an excellent opportunity to meet people, but you’re struggling to just walk up to someone & say hi.

You don’t know how to enter a conversation smoothly.

Everyone else seems to know each other & you don’t want to be a weirdo.

You’re frustrated because you don’t know why this feels like such a big deal, yet you can’t bring yourself to do it.

You’re more inclined to stay in your room during the social hours, or when you venture out, you stand in the corner or stick to those you know.

You’re baffled at how others do this so easily.

But what if you choose to believe that everyone likes you?

How could that be true?

What would be different?

Would approaching people be easier?

Would you be able to walk up to a group and say hi?

What else would be possible?

Your brain is more likely to offer that people do not like you, but is it true?

Did they actually say they didn’t like you?

Are you just remembering that one time in high school when one of the mean girls did say she didn’t like you, but that was nearly 30 years ago?

And how many people since then DO like you?

Don’t believe the hype (the BS your brain offers).

Question everything (is it true- check the facts).

What do you want to believe instead?

Then prove it– what evidence supports this better-serving belief?

If you want help mastering the art of meeting people and making friends, I can help you. Use the link in my bio to book a consult. The only thing you have to lose is your future new best friend.

Do you react to everything through anger?

It’s as if everything is held in with a loosely held cork that could blow at any second.

Underneath all of that anger is

Frustration because you feel an expectation of perfection, and you don’t even know how NOT to hold that expectation of yourself. Maybe you’re not even aware that you do.

Dismay because you thought your life would go another way, but the reality of your life is different from your previously held dreams and aspirations.

Heartache because of the powerlessness you feel daily.

And this all results in apathy because you don’t give a damn anymore.

You’ve given up trying.

I want you to know that none of that is true. Zip. Zero. Zilch. 0%.

It’s just the B.S. your brain serves up.

You don’t have to be perfect; who defines perfection anyway?
What does perfect look like?
According to whom?
Who died and gave them all the power?
And why are you letting that rule you anyway?

Sure, the reality of life is sometimes different from your previously held dreams & aspirations, but every moment that you decide to stay where you are is a moment that you continue to make that choice again and again.

Don’t say that you thought your life would go another way.

This is where it went.

What do you want to do now?

Get up & make it be so.

Make different choices.

Take different actions.

This brings us so eloquently to the last point.

When you take different actions, you are empowered.

Sitting in apathy IS powerless.

So make different choices; start with making just one different choice.

Here’s something you can have power over.
How do you WANT to feel?

What thought would you need to think to feel that way?

Find evidence of how that thought is or could be true.

See how that IS true.

Make decisions & take action from there.

If you want to learn how not to be an angry elf….
If you want to feel less frustrated, dismayed, and heartache and more empowered, calm, and joyful, I can help. Seriously. I have been there, too. We can do a consult. OR you can join me for the next CSC Masterclass, where I’m sharing my # 1 easiest & most helpful coaching tool where you will learn exactly what to do next.

Ahhh, spring break.

As you’re scrolling Instagram, it seems everyone you know is headed to Hawaii.

Before you know it, you’re moping around the house, still in your slippers at 2 PM on Saturday, talking smack about those people on vacation, justifying how the weather probably isn’t that great there right now anyway– isn’t it the rainy season?

You snap at your husband & kids, & they wonder what got into you.

Jealousy. That’s what.

When you catch yourself silently seething & wishing others slight ill-will, you suddenly feel additionally ashamed as you realize that’s no way to treat your friends.

Of- course, you don’t REALLY want them to get rained on.

You’re just upset because you wanted to go on spring break, too, but you felt like you couldn’t.

After all, there are other more important things to spend money on; the car needs new breaks, and there is college to save for.

Plus, you’re really busy at work this week.

And you feel guilty about leaving the pets.

And also, you’re worried about leaving the house– what if something happens while you’re gone?

But then you’re still sad because you want to go on vacation too.

You could let this jealousy ruin your whole day (maybe your week?), OR

You could just decide not to feel jealous.

And to feel better instead.

You would be a better friend, wife & mom.

You would get creative & think of other things you could do for a mini spring break (like a nice pedicure & a fancy dinner— less time & money).

You get to decide what you focus on. Do you want to be jealous or happy?

If you would like help to be more happy & less jealous, this is one of the things I help my clients with. Use the link in my bio to book a consult & get started. Or join me for April’s CSC Masterclass Evaluating Your Results on Monday, April 17, 2023, at 11 AM MT (1 PM ET).

Click to register here

Oh my goodness, he’s done it again.

The laundry is in a heap on the floor, right NEXT TO the hamper, not actually in the hamper.

You’ve asked him time & time again to put the dirty clothes IN the hamper, but he doesn’t.

You even moved the hamper to where he drops his dirty clothes on the floor, but still no.

So, you take a deep breath & try to remember what you learned in Christine’s Collaborative Communications workshop.

You get calm & curious.

You state what you see.

You validate & show understanding.

You ask for his solution.

And later, you evaluate.

Of course, ideally, after this conversation, the laundry makes it into the basket, but more importantly,

Because you collaborated calmly, instead of coming “at” him, he is more willing to talk about it.

Because you showed understanding instead of angrily asking him why?! He feels loved & supported, & not like he’s in ‘trouble.’

You & your partner are on the same team.

You can come to a solution that works for both of you.

And you’ve averted an argument over something as trivial as laundry.

Do you struggle with your business?

How often are you meeting people & telling people who you are, what you do, and how you can help them, and then proving it?

How do you feel about doing this?

Are you clear on who you are?

What you do?

How you help people?

Are you able to prove it?

Imagine going to the doctor, and they say,

“Hey, I’m Dr. So-and-so, and I have these tools?”(Questionmark on purpose, as they are questioning themselves.)

“I’m not exactly sure if or how they can help you, but I know you need this. It makes all of this better. Wanna try?”

You’re like… Mmmm, nope sure don’t.

OR,

Hi, I’m Dr. So-and-so. I have the tools, knowledge & experience to remove your infected appendix so that you stop having pain & don’t get sicker. Wanna try? [Obviously, more would go into this conversation, but just this alone is more clear & specific.]

Um, yes, please- I don’t want any more pain & risk of more sickness.

When you’re getting ready to network- to go out & meet people,

The very FIRST STEP is to get clear for yourself.

Then you can more clearly communicate with those you meet.