Category: stress management

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People Pleasers Are Liars?!

I recently heard that people pleasers are liars, and at first, I was like, “What?! No!”

But after consideration, I can see how it’s true.

Let’s say your desired result is to lose weight.

Your sister visits and brings you a box of baked goods from a fantastic bakery near her.

She’s excited to share these treats with you, but you know these treats are not on your dietary plan and may hinder your progress in losing weight.

But you also don’t want to tell her no because, after all, she went through the trouble of buying and bringing them to you; she wants to make you happy, and you don’t want to make her upset.

What are your options?

If you say yes to her, you are saying no to yourself, to your goals & dreams.

And you are lying because your genuine desire is to lose weight, not to eat the treats. (I mean, let’s be real, you probably want to eat the treats AND lose weight, but that’s not how weight loss actually works.)

So, what to do?

First, decide how you want to show up to this.

Maybe you want to be kind and gracious.

Consider– what would someone loving, kind & gracious do?

They might say, “Thank you so much for this generous gift. I love you so much, and I’m touched that you thought of me. I’m sorry I didn’t share this previously, but I’m working towards losing weight. Treats like these are not on my food protocol. Would you like me to keep them for you or share them with our neighbor?”

You can be loving, kind & gracious, AND responsible for yourself, staying true to your weight loss goal.

And your sister can be responsible for herself– for her thoughts, feelings & actions, too.

This is how we create and live a life we love.

P.S. As a reminder, as part of the benefits offered at Logan Health Whitefish, employees get free coaching sessions. You can book an in-person coaching session here or a remote/Zoom coaching session here. 

P.P.S. You can get in early and register for the next free monthly Christine Seager Coaching Masterclass on How to Create More Fun by registering here.

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distraction

Are you someone who is easily distracted? If so, this one is for you. 

Being easily distracted can lead to frustration, feeling overwhelmed, anxiousness, or stress. 

If you even catch yourself being distracted in the first place, you might think: 

“What is wrong with me? Why can’t I stay focused?”

“I can’t ever get anything done.” 

“Why can’t I focus on just one thing like everyone else?” 

Or 

“It takes me forever & I’ll never catch up when I can’t get things completed.” 

You know staying focused will help you be more productive, save time, and achieve your goals, but how can you do that? 

Well, a few ways. 

First, mindset: 

“I can learn how to do this.” 

“I am in control of my attention.” 

“I can try a few different things until I find something that works.”

Or

“I am improving my productivity.” 

The strategy: 

  1. Notice what you’re doing that has you distracted. I.E., is your phone in your hand when you’re supposed to be getting ready for work? Or you’re talking to your family when you should have been out the door already? See if you can determine your thoughts just before you picked up your phone. 
  2. Repeat in your head what you are doing, what task you are completing. I.E., I’m getting dressed. Or I’m gathering my lunch. Or, I’m writing an article. One part of your brain can focus on the task & the other part is reminding your brain of what you’re focusing on. 
  3. You can set a timer. A metronome may help, too– the ticking sound can be a constant reminder to stay on task until the task is complete. 

It’s helpful to realize that being easily distracted is not a problem; it’s something you can figure out how to work with so you can stay better focused & achieve your goals. 

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change (happening to you)

When you feel like changes are happening to you,

Like you have no control over your job, your life, or things happening around you,

You think the changes are unnecessary or that you don’t have time, or you’ll never quite get the hang of it,

When you feel frustrated, angry, stressed, and overwhelmed,

You complain to your co-workers, feel disrespected by your boss, and worry about the security of your job,

Your relationships might suffer, you may miss growth opportunities, and you will likely perform less effectively.

And you surely will not get the hang of it.

But if you consider how the changes might be good,
if you remember that you have the potential to learn and adapt,
if you decide to embrace changes and be a valuable resource in helping others,

You will feel more optimistic, proud, confident, and accomplished.

You will then be more likely to participate in training and education related to changes.

You could be a resource and lead by example.

And then you will surely get the hang of it.

And maybe even like your job even more.

If this sounds good, but you don’t know HOW, join me THIS Wednesday, October 25, 2023, at noon MT for my free monthly masterclass on Handling Change. Registration is required– you can do so here.

P.S. Did you know that coaching is peer-reviewed? Dr. Tyra Fainstad, MD, Dr. Adrienne Mann, MD, and Dr. Krithika Suresh, Ph.D., et al, conducted a study of over 1,000 women residents and fellow physicians, enrolling about half of them in a group coaching program while the other half did not receive any coaching. Their research found that coaching drastically improves burnout, imposter syndrome, and self-compassion (among other things). Click here to read the study that was published in The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) or here to read it on PubMed.

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I don’t know; I’m not sure

How often do you find yourself thinking or saying, “I don’t know,” or “I’m not sure”?

Beware! It’s just a ploy from your brain to keep you in inaction, preventing you from moving toward your goal. 

For example, regarding your career, you might think: 

• I don’t know if this is what I want to do. 

• I don’t know what I would do differently. 

• I don’t know what else I even could do. 

We could substitute “I’m not sure” for any of those examples, but I’ll give you a few more. 

• I’m not sure this is for me. 

• I’m not sure this is the right thing. 

• I’m not sure how I wound up here. 

• I’m not sure if I want to make a change. 

• I’m not even sure where to start. 

You feel confused or stuck, so there you sit in your continued confusion, continued stuckness.

Wash, rinse, repeat this negative cycle, or maybe you even make a few moves, some small changes, but then you get stuck &/or confused again & you’re back in the negative cycle. 

Instead of believing that you don’t know, try answering these questions for yourself,

• “But what if I did know?”

• “What do I think my answer would be?” 

• “What could my answer be?” 

• “What do I think my answer is?” 

Take the pressure off, landing on the “exact right answer right now,”

Just explore & see what comes up for you. 

When I was leaving my nursing supervisor position, every day, I walked past my friend’s office & told her about a new job idea, something different every day. (I was still figuring out what I wanted to do next, and staying in “I don’t know/ I’m not sure” would never lead to a new career.) 

• teaching paddle boarding

• driving people over Going to the Sun Road

• opening a flower shop

• opening a bookstore

• managing AirBnBs

• concierge (medical or personal) 

• leading all women’s tour groups 

It was so much fun.

It made me more creative. 

I brainstormed and paid attention to see how these ideas felt to determine if any truly interested me. 

Usually, we laughed at the ridiculousness, but a few actually stuck. 

Don’t believe the hype!!

Be onto your brain & the BS it’s offering you. 

Don’t believe that you don’t know.

You DO know. 

You just need to look around a bit, don’t judge yourself, create safety, and be willing to get creative (and ridiculous, if that’s what it takes) to see what comes up for you. 

If you’d like help to get unstuck to break the cycle of unknowing, I can help; I’ve truly done this work myself. Believe me– I have been there and can help you, too. 

Do I have all of the answers at all times? For sure, no. 

But I have created a safe & nonjudgemental environment within myself. 

And I do know how to get unstuck. 

I know how to conjure up the courage to try new things. 

I know where to focus my brain,

how to find evidence of beliefs to support me, 

and how to move past my self-limiting beliefs.

If you’d like help, have a little courage, too, to reach out & message me or just go ahead and book a consult. I know the first step isn’t always easy, but if this resonates with you, I assure you that you are in the right place, and I can help you. I’ll teach you some things, we’ll coach & we will get there together.

And this is exactly how you create & live a life you love.

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the cure for overwhelm

Vagueness leads to overwhelm.

And the cure for overwhelm is specificity.

What exactly is it that has you feeling overwhelmed?

Be specific.

Then check in- is it true?

(Often, that alone will be sufficient when you see it’s not true.)

Try this:
I don’t have enough time.

Take a step back & take a look at it; get specific & objective.
What does not enough time mean?
How much time do you need?
What, specifically, do you need time for?
How much time do you think that will take?
How much time do you actually have?
Are you using that time to the best of your ability?
Is there somewhere you “wring out” more time?
Can you batch things?
Is everything on your list a priority?
Is there someone you can delegate to?
How might you be able to create more time?

When you’re able to get more specific & objective,
you can more clearly see what you’re working with

And from there, you have more brain space to develop more creative solutions.

Be specific & break it down.

If you feel overwhelmed and struggle with time management, I can help; book a consultation now!

Logan Health Whitefish Employees, book an in-person coaching session here; or a remote coaching session (via phone or Zoom) here.

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journaling

I am a huge proponent of journaling. 

It allows you to dive into the depths of your thoughts & emotions. Putting pen to paper creates a space for self-reflection and introspection. In doing so, you gain a better understanding of your own desires, values, & beliefs. This self-awareness enables personal growth & empowers you to make more informed decisions.

Getting your thoughts & feelings out on paper can be an excellent way to release stress & manage emotions. When you unload your mind onto paper, you create a sense of clarity & relief. Journaling provides a safe & non-judgmental outlet for expressing worries, frustrations, or anxieties. By venting on the page, your mind becomes calmer & more focused, improving overall well-being.

Keeping a journal can be an effective tool for setting & tracking your goals. Writing down your aspirations makes them more tangible & attainable. Additionally, regularly recording your progress & achievements creates a sense of accountability & motivation. By tracking your journey in a journal, you can celebrate milestones, learn from setbacks, and stay committed to your goals.

Journaling encourages active problem-solving & decision-making. Putting pen to paper can help organize your thoughts & explore potential solutions when faced with challenges or dilemmas. By writing out different perspectives and weighing the pros & cons, you gain clarity & can make more rational decisions. Journaling serves as a personal sounding board, allowing you to evaluate options & develop effective strategies to overcome obstacles.

Our memories are precious, and journaling is an excellent way to preserve them. You create a vivid record of your life’s journey by jotting down experiences, events, gratitudes, and reflections. Years later, you can revisit these pages & relive those moments, savoring the emotions & insights captured within. Journaling can become a cherished keepsake, a window into your past that can bring joy, nostalgia, & a renewed appreciation for life.

So, carve out time to reflect & record your thoughts. Your future self will thank you.

P.S. Click here to take the first step & book your complimentary, no-obligation consultation.

P.P.S. As a reminder, for LHW employees, coaching is free! Click here to book your in-person coaching session or here for a remote coaching session.

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the VALUE of coaching

Clarity: Coaching helps you clarify your values, priorities, and aspirations, enabling you to make informed decisions aligned with your true desires.

Empowerment: Through coaching, you’ll develop self-awareness, self-confidence, and assertiveness, empowering you to set and enforce healthy boundaries, freeing you from people-pleasing tendencies.

Overcoming perfectionism: Coaching provides practical tools and strategies to challenge perfectionistic tendencies, helping you embrace progress over perfection and fostering self-acceptance.

Action-oriented mindset: Coaches support you in overcoming procrastination by breaking down goals into actionable steps, enhancing your time management skills, and fostering accountability.

Goal attainment: With coaching, you’ll set clear, measurable goals and receive guidance on creating effective action plans, increasing your likelihood of achieving personal and professional milestones.

Enhanced fulfillment: Coaching encourages you to explore and pursue a life you love, aligning your actions with your passions, values, and strengths, ultimately leading to increased fulfillment and happiness.

So that you can FEEL BETTER!! 💕💕 If you’d like support to feed better, too- reach out; I can help you.

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one goal

Establish one specific, measurable, and timely goal.

Notice I don’t say achievable because I want you to go big.

Having a goal you think is impossible is okay if you don’t beat yourself up on your way to achieving it.

And if you go bigger than you think is possible, you’re less likely to hold yourself back and more likely to achieve more.

Focus on that one goal.

What are the actions you need to take? Again, be very specific. Write all the steps and as many micro-steps as possible, then make them chronological.

Now you have a clear starting point, and you can get going.

As you begin to act, your brain will offer negative thoughts and feelings.

The next step is to allow these negative feelings.

How?

Notice that they are there. Determine where in your body. Describe them in detail (color, shape, weight, movement, waveform, etc.). Remind yourself that you have thus not died from feeling a negative emotion.

Then decide how you would rather feel about the action you are taking. Reminder: feelings are one-word vibrations in your body.

What thoughts, when you think them, create that feeling for you?

If this is hard, please know that it’s a practice. And let’s find evidence for how you want to feel.

Think of another time you feel the way you want to.

What thoughts create that feeling for you?

Borrow from there and apply those thoughts here.

Practice those thoughts over and over.

Keep taking action and thinking those thoughts.

Evaluate your results.

Correct course when needed.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

When your first goal becomes a habit, when it’s easy to do, start working on your next goal.

If you feel overwhelmed and want to learn how to practice constraint, I can help. I offer complimentary, no-obligation consultation calls here. LHW Employee IN PERSON Coaching Sessions are here, and remote sessions are here.

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second-guessing

Do you second-guess your decisions, worried you will make the wrong choices?

You constantly doubt whether you’ve made the right choices.

You fear that any mistakes you make will negatively impact your life or the life of those around you.

You worry about the consequences of your choices & feel paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong decision.

This causes immense anxiety & stress.

You feel overwhelmed, unclear & struggle to make decisions.

You often feel regret or guilty after making decisions, believing you’ve made the wrong choice.

You struggle with analysis paralysis– overanalyzing decisions, spending excessive time weighing pros & cons & seeking reassurance from others.

You seek validation & confirmation from others to ensure you’re making the right choices, often relying heavily on others’ opinions.

Your fear of making the wrong choice leads to hesitation & delay in decision-making, potentially missing out on opportunities.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

You can embrace your uniqueness, honor your strengths & imperfections, & remember that external validation does not determine your worth.

You can create self-acceptance & fulfillment by defining your values, practicing self-compassion, & cultivating gratitude.

Trust in your journey, & see that you are enough just as you are.

This is how you get a handle on your second-guessing & worry about making the wrong decisions.

With this increased confidence, you will have

Greater decision-making abilities.

Less anxiety & stress associated with second-guessing.

An improved ability to trust your intuition & judgment.

Greater resilience & adaptability in handling the outcomes of your decisions.

Embrace personal growth & learn from experiences.

Enhanced self-awareness & understanding of your values & priorities.

You will be more empowered, create self-trust, & focus on the positive outcomes your decisions can bring.

And this is how you create & live a life you love.

Are you tired of second-guessing your decisions & living in fear of making the wrong choices?

I can help you move out of doubt & into empowered decision-making.

Click here to book a consultation call.

Logan Health Whitefish Employees can click here to schedule an in person coaching session or here to book a remote session (more availability).