Category: connections

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MIRRORING

Have you ever noticed how we tend to mirror one another? It’s a natural part of human interaction. When someone is upset, we often find ourselves feeling upset as well. If someone is critical, we might respond with our own criticism. This mirroring happens instinctively, but with some awareness, we can manage it and use it to better help ourselves and others.

How Mirroring Works

Mirroring means we think, feel, and do what we want the other person to think, feel, and do. It’s like holding up a mirror to their behavior. If someone is kind to us, we will likely be kind in return. But if someone is negative, we might reflect that negativity back at them. This process can work both positively and negatively.

The problem is that our default setting often leans towards negativity. It’s easy to get caught up in a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions, especially in challenging situations. But here’s the good news: we can override this default setting. By becoming aware of our reactions, we can choose to respond differently.

A Common Example: The Critical Mother-in-Law

Imagine your mother-in-law is constantly criticizing you. She judges your decisions, offers unsolicited advice, and seems to believe that you’re doing everything wrong. Naturally, you might think, “She shouldn’t criticize me; she shouldn’t judge me; she should be nicer; she should mind her own business.”

But take a moment to notice what’s happening here. You think she’s doing it wrong—exactly what she’s thinking about you. You’re both caught in a cycle of judgment and negativity.

Feelings: A Reflection of Each Other’s Emotions

Mirroring also happens with emotions. If someone you care about is upset, you might get upset that they’re upset. Or if they’re worried, you start worrying about how much they’re worrying. This emotional mirroring can amplify the situation, leading to even more distress for both parties.

Actions: Reacting in Kind

Our actions often mirror the actions of others. If someone yells at you, it’s easy to start yelling back. If someone shows up upset, you might match their mood. But what if you didn’t have to react this way? What if there was another option?

Breaking the Cycle: Awareness Is Key

The truth is, their thoughts don’t affect you. What affects you is your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. You might think you’re mad because your mother-in-law is judging you, but in reality, you’re mad because of your own judgment of her—and maybe even your own self-judgment.

So, ask yourself: In what way have I become the exact thing that I disapprove of in them? Identifying this is not about shaming yourself or thinking you should or shouldn’t feel a certain way. It’s simply about awareness. “Oh, I get it; that’s what’s going on for me. That’s why I’m feeling this way.”

Sometimes, just being aware of what’s happening is enough to help you put it down. When you understand that you’re mirroring the other person’s negativity, you can choose to respond differently. You can choose not to mirror their anger, judgment, or worry. Instead, you can decide how you want to think, feel, and act.

The Power of Choice

Mirroring is a natural part of our interactions, but it doesn’t have to control us. By being aware of how we’re mirroring others, we can choose our responses. We can break the cycle of negativity and create more positive, constructive interactions. It starts with awareness and deciding to override these “default” settings.

Remember, you don’t have to be what you disapprove of in others. You can choose a different path.

Reminder: as part of the benefits offered at Logan Health, employees get free coaching sessions. You can book a remote or Zoom coaching session here. 

P.S. You can register for the next free Christine Seager Coaching Masterclass on What to Do When You’re Not Getting Results by clicking here. 

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jealousy

Jealousy often gets a bad rap. It’s usually seen as a negative emotion that breeds resentment and unhappiness. But what if we could flip the script on jealousy and view it as an indicator of our own desires and aspirations? Instead of letting envy fester, we can use it as a catalyst for personal and professional growth. Here’s how this unconventional take on jealousy could play out in your life.


Imagine you’re a nurse who feels jealous of a colleague who recently received a promotion to a managerial position. Instead of stewing in resentment, recognize that this jealousy is highlighting your own desire for career advancement. You want to be recognized for your hard work and dedication, too. Use this realization as motivation to seek out leadership training, take on more responsibilities, or speak with your supervisor about your career goals. By doing so, you can position yourself for future promotions and achieve the professional success you crave.


If you are a physician, you may feel envious of a fellow doctor who perfectly balances their demanding job with a vibrant personal life, including ample family time and engaging hobbies. This jealousy reveals your own yearning for a better work-life balance. Start by assessing your current schedule and identifying areas where you can delegate tasks or streamline processes. Prioritize self-care and set boundaries to ensure you have time for personal interests and family. By making these changes, you can enjoy a more fulfilling and balanced life.


Perhaps you’re a medical technician who feels jealous of another technician with specialized skills that lead to more interesting assignments and higher pay. This envy is simply your inner voice telling you that you want to develop your own expertise. Look for opportunities to attend workshops, earn certifications, or take advanced courses in your field. By enhancing your skills, you’ll open doors to exciting assignments and greater recognition.


As a healthcare assistant, you might envy a colleague attending a prestigious continuing education program or medical school. This jealousy points to your own aspirations for further education and career advancement. Research educational opportunities that align with your interests and goals, and take steps to apply for programs or scholarships. Investing in your education will pave the way for a brighter and more rewarding future.


Imagine you’re a junior doctor feeling jealous of an experienced doctor who has a strong rapport with patients and is often requested by name. This envy indicates your desire to build similar relationships with your patients. Focus on developing your communication skills and empathy. Take time to listen to your patients and understand their concerns. By doing so, you’ll build trust and rapport, becoming a beloved and respected doctor in your own right.


If you’re a healthcare researcher feeling envious of a peer who frequently publishes in high-impact journals and is invited to speak at conferences, this jealousy highlights your ambition for academic recognition. Channel this energy into your own research projects. Collaborate with colleagues, seek mentorship, and dedicate time to writing and submitting your work for publication. By committing to your research, you’ll gain recognition and make significant contributions to medical knowledge.

The key to transforming jealousy into action is to recognize it as a signal of your own desires. Once you’ve identified what you want, take proactive steps to achieve it.

  1. Assess: Reflect on what specifically triggers your jealousy. What does this person have that you want?
  2. Plan: Define what achieving this desire looks like for you. Set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals.
  3. Implement: Develop a plan to work towards your goals. This might include seeking additional training, networking, or making lifestyle changes.
  4. Commit: Remember that achieving your dreams takes time and effort. Stay committed to your goals, and be patient with yourself.

By turning jealousy into a driving force for positive change, you’ll not only make your dreams come true but also experience additional benefits:

You’ll feel more energized as you work towards your goals.
Your self-improvement will help you grow personally and professionally.
Achieving your desires will lead to a greater sense of fulfillment and happiness.
Focusing on your own growth rather than comparing (and despairing) yourself with others can lead to healthier and more positive relationships.
You can inspire those around you to pursue their own dreams and aspirations.

Jealousy does not have to be a problem. Instead, you can view it as a powerful indicator of what you want in life. By recognizing and acting on these desires, you can transform envy into action and create a fulfilling and successful life.

Reminder: as part of the benefits offered at Logan Health Whitefish, employees get free coaching sessions. You can book an in-person coaching session here or a remote/Zoom coaching session here. 

P.P.S. You can register for the next free Christine Seager Coaching Masterclass on How to Change Your Self-Concept by registering here.

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collaborate

Are you someone who would like to have a better relationship with someone than you do now? 

Perhaps it’s your direct reports, your teen, or your spouse. 

When they feel safe sharing openly with you, there will be less conflict, tension, and chaos and more connection, cooperation, confidence, and trust. Managing, parenting, and being in a relationship will stop feeling so hard, and you will experience more calm, peace, and joy. 

The first step is to notice when you are triggered. How does it feel in your body? For me, I feel tight and tense. It feels like my blood pressure is rising; maybe my hands are in fists. My heart rate is faster, and my heart is pounding. 

To calm your emotions, get curious. Take a deep breath & think to yourself, “I wonder what happened here.” 

When you’re calm, you can respond intentionally rather than react emotionally. 

When you’re calm, they will be more open to having a conversation with you rather than shutting down. 

Next, find a good time to talk to them and state what you see objectively. 

State the facts, just the facts, with no tone or judgment (which you can do now that you’re being curious). 

My favorite phrase is, “I notice… [state fact].” 

I.E., “I notice a vape pen in your backpack.” 

Or “I noticed you were 20 minutes late to work.” 

These words from you will help them stay open and not defensive because they are not anticipating being in ‘trouble,’ judgment, or anger. 

Next, validate to show understanding. When you normalize what they are feeling, they feel like you understand them, you get them, and they remember that you are on the same team. 

You will reflect back their feeling and acknowledge the situation. 

I.E., “It makes sense that you feel left out when all your friends vape.” 

Or, “It’s understandable that you were 20 minutes late when you discovered that your car door was frozen shut.” 

Important note: this does not mean you agree with or condone their behavior. You are merely validating their experience. 

Then, invite their solution. 

People have an overwhelming desire to do well. We want to have autonomy and figure things out on our own. As managers, we want to ensure they stay within organizational boundaries. As parents, we want to help them build problem-solving skills safely and with our guidance. 

You can do this by simply asking them, “What are you going to do?” 

Your kids might respond by saying they don’t know. You can help them unhinge their inner knowledge by following up with, “I know you are really smart; I bet you can figure this out.” Or you can ask, “What would you tell __ (state their friend’s name here) to do?” This helps separate them from the problem and helps them come up with creative solutions. 

Lastly, make sure they know you are available for support and guidance by simply offering, “I’m here if you’d like help.” 

When you communicate collaboratively, you will be amazed at how much better your relationships can be with less stress, worry, and anxiousness. 

Reminder: as part of the benefits offered at Logan Health Whitefish, employees get free coaching sessions. You can book an in-person coaching session here or a remote/Zoom coaching session here. 

P.P.S. You can register for the next free Christine Seager Coaching Masterclass on How to Change Your Self-Concept by registering here.

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stuck in a rut

If you’re someone who feels stuck in a rut, this one is for you. 

I was recently revisiting Gretchen Rubins’ book The Happiness Project. When I read, “I wasn’t depressed, and I wasn’t having a midlife crisis, but I was suffering from midlife malaise– a recurrent sense of discontent and almost a feeling of disbelief… Is this really it?” 

She went on, “… though at times I felt dissatisfied, that something was missing, I also never forgot how fortunately I was… I had everything I could possibly want– yet I was failing to appreciate it. Bogged down in petty complaints and passing crises, weary of struggling with my own nature… I wasn’t as happy as I could be, and my life wasn’t going to change unless I made it change.” 

This. This was me in 2018. I could NOT figure out what was missing from my life. 

It turns out it was me, and in time, I learned that:

~ I was not stuck; I had more control over my life than I thought. 

~ I was not appreciating what I had, instead of choosing to seek the good in my everyday life.

~ And I was not expanding that by taking a few seconds or even a minute to soak it all in– absorbing it into my core. 

So, if you are someone who feels stuck in a rut– what can you do differently? 

Start with the things listed above, but then also:

Switch things up by driving a different route to work, pick up a new activity (or rediscover an old one), and reach out to family or friends to connect with. 

You can meet new people and offer to meet someone for coffee, join a gym, or other group of like-minded people. 

You might like to start with a clean space, so declutter your home, workspace, or closet. 

Just try different things until you find the things you like to do. 

I recently signed up for Flathead Area Mountain Bike’s Women’s Clinics. My family was shocked and asked why I suddenly wanted to start mountain biking. My bike is 20 years old and I can probably count on two hands how many times I’ve mountain biked in those 20 years, but I wanted to do something different. I also thought I might like it better if I learned how to mountain bike properly. And, I’m in better shape than I have been; I now have more stamina. (I know what they mean when they say it’s time in the seat. They’re talking about building muscle, which takes time and consistency.) 

I’m loving it. It’s challenging mentally and physically. Am I still sometimes getting frustrated with what I can’t do? Sure, but I’m able to take it in stride. 

I recently also bought a 1000-piece puzzle. I seriously dislike that thing. I don’t understand it; it’s really hard; all the pieces and colors look the same. I really didn’t know what I was getting into when I bought it. And now I know- I will either not be buying another puzzle again, not buying one this hard, or at least knowing what I’m getting into if/ when I commit to one again.

If you feel stuck in a rut, decide to do something different and go after it. You will either love it or learn that you don’t, and you will no longer feel like you’re stuck in that rut. 

Reminder: as part of the benefits offered at Logan Health Whitefish, employees get free coaching sessions. You can book an in-person coaching session here or a remote/Zoom coaching session here. 

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People Pleasers Are Liars?!

I recently heard that people pleasers are liars, and at first, I was like, “What?! No!”

But after consideration, I can see how it’s true.

Let’s say your desired result is to lose weight.

Your sister visits and brings you a box of baked goods from a fantastic bakery near her.

She’s excited to share these treats with you, but you know these treats are not on your dietary plan and may hinder your progress in losing weight.

But you also don’t want to tell her no because, after all, she went through the trouble of buying and bringing them to you; she wants to make you happy, and you don’t want to make her upset.

What are your options?

If you say yes to her, you are saying no to yourself, to your goals & dreams.

And you are lying because your genuine desire is to lose weight, not to eat the treats. (I mean, let’s be real, you probably want to eat the treats AND lose weight, but that’s not how weight loss actually works.)

So, what to do?

First, decide how you want to show up to this.

Maybe you want to be kind and gracious.

Consider– what would someone loving, kind & gracious do?

They might say, “Thank you so much for this generous gift. I love you so much, and I’m touched that you thought of me. I’m sorry I didn’t share this previously, but I’m working towards losing weight. Treats like these are not on my food protocol. Would you like me to keep them for you or share them with our neighbor?”

You can be loving, kind & gracious, AND responsible for yourself, staying true to your weight loss goal.

And your sister can be responsible for herself– for her thoughts, feelings & actions, too.

This is how we create and live a life we love.

P.S. As a reminder, as part of the benefits offered at Logan Health Whitefish, employees get free coaching sessions. You can book an in-person coaching session here or a remote/Zoom coaching session here. 

P.P.S. You can get in early and register for the next free monthly Christine Seager Coaching Masterclass on How to Create More Fun by registering here.