When we create positive experiences, we reshape the brain’s circuits to make future positive experiences more likely; we rewire our brains. Synapses that fire together, wire together. (I liken it to game trails on a hillside: the well-worn game trails are easier to get to, just as the well-worn neural pathways are easier to get to, too.)
Adapted from Dr. Rick Hanson’s book, Buddha’s Brain, there are three ways to do this:
- Turn positive facts into positive experiences. Good things happen all the time. Don’t just let them roll by. Look for the good. Pay attention. Be open and mindful. Maybe your husband doesn’t bring you flowers, but he cooks dinner or holds the door open for you. Isn’t that so nice? Focus on that.
- Savor the experience— hold on to it for 5, 10, 20 seconds. Don’t just run off or move on to the next thing. (“The longer it’s held in awareness, the more emotionally stimulating, the more neurons will fire and wire together and the stronger the trace in the memory.” Now you’re creating positive memory traces.) Focus on how good it feels and get into the details. When I was a kid, my grandma gave me the best hugs. I can remember exactly how it felt, what her perfume smelled like (powder), her ginormous arms wrapped around me like a blanket. Internalize the awesomeness, so you can carry it with you at all times, not just when you’re in the moment or with the person.
- Soak it up. Like a sponge absorbs water or how the sun’s warmth feels through a dark tee-shirt. Relax your body and absorb the emotions, sensations, and thoughts of the experience.
