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A funny thing happened on the way to the lake this weekend… I actually enjoyed the hike. 

WHAT!??! I know. 

If you’ve been around here for a while, you might know that I don’t love hiking, but I remember the day I figured out why. 

This used to be the conversation I had in my head while hiking: 
“I don’t know why I come out here.”
“I can’t keep up.” 
“I’m so out of shape.” 
“I can’t catch my breath.” 
“I can’t even stop long enough to enjoy it.” 
“WHY do I always do this?!?!” 
I even blamed my husband, “He drags me all the way out here, and now I’m stuck!” 
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 

Um… I don’t want to hang out with that. Do you? It’s no wonder I’m not too fond of hiking, but I remember the day I realized I was doing this. 

My husband and I were on the Apgar Trail in Glacier National Park when I heard myself- in my head. It was like the opposite of an out-of-body experience- because I was listening, as if from the outside, to what was going on inside my head. That’s when I heard it… all the complaints. At first, it caught my breath. And then, my next thought was, “Wait a minute- I don’t have to listen to this!” And then I was like, “Wait!! I don’t even have to THINK these things! What if I just stopped complaining?” I decided to wash out all the complaints with good thoughts, like: 
“I’m glad I’m physically capable of being out here.”
“I’m so happy my husband wants to hike and spend time with me.” 
“It’s so great that my legs are strong enough to hike me up here.”
“Look at those flowers, aren’t they beautiful?” 
“The sun sure feels warm and nice on my back.” 
“It sure is pretty here.”

Now, when I go for a hike, I pay attention to my thoughts and see what goes on in there. If I hear complaints, I just stop & replace them with more grateful thoughts. 
And obviously, I like hiking a lot better now.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go adventuring with a group of women for the whole weekend. We met at 6 PM on Friday and stayed until 10:30 AM on Sunday. 

A few of us mentioned some version of- I wasn’t sure I wanted to go. I was nervous. It was scary walking up to a group of strangers. 

BUT all of us who were there did just that. We were brave, and I’m so proud of us. 

Because here’s the thing- this was a new experience for all of us. This group of women has never spent this amount of time together in this location doing these activities ever before. Of course, we got nervous; it was new.

Think of the first time you did anything new. You were tentative and questioning, right? How about riding a bike? Your mind says- I don’t know… is this a good idea? What if I fall and it hurts? Is this the right way to pedal this thing? It feels really hard; maybe I just shouldn’t. 

So when we’re meeting new people, especially a big group of new people, your mind says- I don’t know… is a good idea? What if I feel left out, and it hurts? Is this the right way to talk to these people? It feels really hard; maybe I just shouldn’t. 

Does this sound familiar? Do you understand that this is NORMAL? It’s what our minds are designed to do. Our minds love simple, repetitive, and routine things, NOT new, different, or extraordinary things. 

Do you know where you wind up when you only do simple, repetitive, and routine things? Right where you are. 

Do you know where you wind up when you do new, different, and extraordinary things? In an exciting, different, and extraordinary life. You get more: more laughter, more adventure, more fun, more friends, more support, more sharing, and this weekend- more s’mores. 

Know that it’s normal to have fear and be unsure, but if you want more, be willing to be brave and choose extraordinary.

Do you speak with your spouse like this? 

This mural was on a wall in one of the hotels in Las Vegas. I breezed past but was struck by their body language, so I went back to snap this photo. 

These gentlemen look laid back, relaxed, interested in, and like they are enjoying their conversation. They are just comfortable and chill. 

Is this what you want to be like when you speak with your spouse- to feel laid back, seen and heard, comfortable, that you are interesting, and you are both connected?

Do you know it IS possible? 

Even now. 
It is not too late. 

If you’d like support to get here- reach out for a consult. I can help you.

Where do you focus your time and attention in your relationships? Are you looking for the good, or are you looking for the bad? 

Either way, you’ll find it. 

Maybe he doesn’t buy you flowers, but he holds the door open for you. 
Maybe he doesn’t cook, but he drops the kids off at school. 
Maybe he leaves his dirty socks on the floor, but he helps bring in the groceries (and maybe only when you ask, but he does it). 

Are you focusing on not having flowers, always cooking, the dirty socks, or his kindness in holding the door open, dropping the kids off, and carrying in the groceries? 

You can create better experiences in your relationship by looking for the good, savoring, and then absorbing the experience into your core. Creating more positive neural pathways helps you more easily come back to the positive next time. (It’s like getting on a chairlift. The more empty chairs available, the faster you get to the summit. The more positive neural pathways available, the faster you get to the good.)

“I can’t expect somebody to love me more than me. You know, if you don’t like being with you, what the hell makes you think somebody else wants to be with you? We expect other people to love us more than we love ourselves. We expect other people to do the work for us. I thought it was his job to make me feel a certain way.”

Jada Pinkett Smith on Red Table Talk about her relationship with Will Smith

I’ve been stressing about the half marathon that’s in 3 weeks for a few days now b/c I am not prepared. 

And today I walked into the kitchen from the bedroom & told Scott: I don’t want to go to the party tomorrow. 

S: “Wait, what?! You were just talking about how you love to go out & you miss people, and you want to go out more.”

Me: “Yep, but I feel crappy, and I’m addicted to gummy bears, and I don’t want to have to put on a dress and go out.”

S: “???!!” 

Then I realized: I have goals in mind, and then I set ridiculous goals, and then I feel overwhelmed, and I just check out. 

Not only do I not reach the goals, but then I don’t do anything at all. 

I need to set smaller, more realistic goals that I can achieve more consistently. 

So, that’s what I’m doing now.  

I am starting tonight. We’re going for a walk. And I’ll be thinking about the half marathon I’m supposed to run in 3 weeks… and how I’d rather just ride my bike. 🙄🤣

What’s your best marriage advice? 

What’s the “secret” to a long and happy marriage? 

Tell me both what you’ve heard and what you live by, what you know to be true. 

I have a great marriage, but it hasn’t always been this way. The “secret” for our happy marriage is in my confidence and the security that he will always be there. He tells me he loves me, and he wants me, just as I am… and I choose to believe him.

I highly recommend checking out this article: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/well/mind/covid-mental-health-languishing.html

I’ve messaged/ spoken to several friends today who say this article resonates with them. Please know I’m here to talk- as a friend or a coach. You are not alone. So many people feel this right now. 💕

Do you ever think about what you would tell your younger self? 

Take a second and think of 2 or 3 things you could tell your younger self. 

I would tell my younger self to pan out and look at the bigger picture. 
Money isn’t everything, and it does not buy you happiness. 
Spend more time being grateful than complaining. 
You got to where you are because of your choices, no one else’s.
All of your answers and everything you need are within you- right there in your heart, not out here in the rest of the world. 

Now, let’s flip this around. 
What might your older self tell your now self? 

I imagine: 
To pan out and look at the bigger picture. 
Money isn’t everything, and it does not buy you happiness. 
Spend more time being grateful rather than complaining. 
You got to where you are because of your choices, no one else’s. 
All of your answers and everything you need are within you- right there in your heart, not out here in the rest of the world.

Funny how that works. 💕

Truth (and that’s all I have to say about that).