When your husband tells you he loves you, you look beautiful, and you look just perfect in that lighting- do you hear him? Do you believe him? Do you let that love in?
When Scott took these photos of me on our honeymoon, I felt embarrassed by his attention. I didn’t quite know what to do with it. He would say- you look so beautiful, sit right there, don’t move.
I felt awkward, and it was somewhat overwhelming. He liked me far more than I liked myself at that time.
If I were to do it over, I would look at myself through his eyes. Try to see what he sees. Find the good in me for me.
You have to do the work of loving yourself before asking others to do that work for you.
You have to love yourself first, then any love you get from others is just the icing on the cake.
If you have confidence and strength in yourself, you will have a more confident and stronger marriage.
Have you ever been upset about something-maybe you’re arguing with someone in your kitchen, and then your phone rings? You say hello to answer it.
How do you answer your phone? Do you say a friendly “Hello?” or do you continue being angry at the person on the phone, yelling at them now?
You probably say a friendly “Hello.”
When you answer the phone, you change your mood like a light switch; you are now friendly and not upset- even if for just a moment.
Now, that change in mood might not last, but (get ready… it’s my favorite line…)
THAT’S A CHOICE.
Yes, every moment, you get to choose how you want to be. You DO have the ability to change your mood like a light switch.
You can be friendly now… and now… and even now…
Even if three moments ago you were upset with someone or about something.
[While this concept is universal, it was taught to me by BethAnn Scuggs, Dean of Students The Academy for Coaching Excellence. I love it for its simplicity.]
Has this ever happened to you? You’re in a bad mood; maybe you’re not quite sure why but you’re crabby and not acting as your best self to those around you. And you feel bad about that. Maybe you’ve snapped, maybe your fuse is too short, maybe it has been happening for a while, and it hasn’t been pleasant to be around you for a minute or a week or two.
So now you’re crabby, AND you feel bad, so it’s even worse. It’s a cycle that could keep going and going, getting worse and worse (feeling crabby, acting badly, feeling worse, acting worse, feeling even more poorly, etc.)
How do you stop the cycle?
It’s a trade secret…
Are you sure you’re ready to hear this?
You make a CHOICE to stop the cycle.
Yes, that’s it.
You might be thinking, but Christine, that’s hard; when I’m upset, I can’t just change my mood like a light switch. Well, you can actually change your mood like a switch; we’ll talk about that tomorrow. But in the meantime, do something that will act as if you’re pressing a reset button- take a hot shower, go for a 5-minute walk, fix yourself a cup of tea, sit quietly for a few minutes, take a power nap, walk to your car, run up a flight of stairs.
Do something that will act as a reset, and in the next moment- be kind, be compassionate, be generous, be grateful, or joyous, or loving, be open, or present.
What is more interesting to you- being kind and grateful or being crabby and feeling bad?
Are you a “should”-er? I should do this; I should do that. What about “supposed to?” I’m supposed to do this thing or that thing.
Could you live your life without shoulds? How amazing would that be?
Let’s try this- I should go for a run today. I have a running schedule; the schedule says I’m supposed to run 3 miles today- I really should go for a run.
Do you know what I have used-to-woulda done? I used-to-woulda sat on the couch, ate a pile of Girl Scout cookies (Thin Mints, of- course), and spent time feeling guilty for not going for a run. I used-to-woulda spent hours of my day thinking about how I can’t even stick to a commitment, meet a goal, or do what I’m supposed to do. AND not only did I not go for a run, but I made it worse by eating cookies, too.
Now I simply think: What is my goal? To feel stronger and build more stamina. OK, what would be a fun way to do this? I could find a 15-minute workout video. I could go for a road bike ride into town. I could walk up the hill behind our house.
Then I go and do the thing, and it feels good. The End.
Do you see how much brain space I saved by making it FUN? There is zero internal chatter. There’s no arguing, or guilt, or cajoling b/c I WANT to do the thing I’ve chosen to do.
That’s it.
Yes, it really is that simple.
The next time there is something you think you SHOULD do, consider: What is your goal? What is a FUN WAY to reach that goal?
I recently made the craziest decision… or so I thought.
I took a job for FUN. Yep, just for fun.
Y’all- this decision made no sense.
For years I believed that if I’m not doing what I want to do (which is basically sitting near the water, reading), then I might as well make as much money as possible.
For my entire nursing career, I worked hard to make myself marketable. I got all the certifications, frequently suggested process improvements, and helped accelerate not only my team but everyone around me.
I got the promotions and the raises, but after a while, it was still not enough. After all, as they say, money isn’t everything, and it’s true.
This job is half the pay, but four times more fun!!
My summer job is at Wild River Adventures in West Glacier, taking reservations and checking in guests. The view from the front office window is amazing- we are right across the street from Glacier National Park. The people who work there are so nice and chill and love to have fun, too. The guests are excited- ready to have some adventures on their Montana vacations.
Yesterday I took my first swim of the season on my way home. And I’m sure there will be some rafting in my future. I’m grateful to have some structure to my day, contribute, help grow the team, feel appreciated, have awesome bosses (again), and be surrounded by fresh air and natural sunlight.
CHEERS to an awesome & FUN summer of 2021!!
(and thank you to all my friends and peer coaches who listened to me perseverate about this very obvious-to-everyone-besides-me decision.)
I started a new journal, went back to writing Morning Page (a 3-page brain dump), & practiced a new journalling routine that sets me up with an authentic action for the day. (More on this at a later date.)
Tara, Max & I went for a 3- mile run. The weather has been cool & crisp, but while we were running, the sun came out, and it was hot as blazes for about half the time.
When we got home, I had a phone call about a great potential opportunity.
I cleaned up & went to a networking event in Lakeside. I chatted with a few acquaintances, made a new acquaintance, learned about running in the Flathead in the winter, and WON a $50 gift card & a beautiful bouquet of lilac flowers! They smell amazing.
Here’s the crazy thing: I knew I was going to win. I had the thought, “They are going to call my name.” I just heard it in my head, & sure enough, the gentleman said, “Christine Seager!”
The Universe, God, Intuition, Knowing, whatever you call it; it’s there.
On my way home, I drove by the first house that Scott & I rented together. I took a moment to reflect on the day; I felt so good! I’m grateful for the growth that we’ve had. I’m happy that my Inner Knowing reared its head to remind me that it’s there watching out for me; it’s willing to guide me IF I choose to listen to it. And I’m excited about the future I’m creating for us.
I took a minute to breathe into & feel this, to kind of mentally bottle it up.
Do you have some sort of inner knowing?
Do you pay attention to it or push it away?
Do you choose to listen to and heed it, or do you try to ignore it? (Notice I said TRY to ignore it- have you ever tried NOT to do something and the thought just keeps popping up again and again? or you see a million signs, & you keep blowing them off?)
I have a few decisions to make that feel heavy & important.
In reality, they are neither that heavy, as nothing is permanent, nor even that important, as I can always make other decisions, correcting course. As I make these decisions, I will be paying attention & choosing to listen to the guidance of my Inner Knowing.
If you have questions, please reach out; I would LOVE to help.
When you sit down to do something, do you complete one task before starting something else?
Do you fold clothes while writing a to-do list, putting away groceries, eating lunch, and prepping a soup for the Instant Pot?
What about while you’re at your desk “working”? Do you listen to podcasts, respond to emails and DMs, plan your day, and work on a project simultaneously, leaving each task only partially completed?
Does it feel like you are all over the place, like a 2-year-old?
The way to build mental resilience is to train your brain. Select one task to focus on and just decide to stay with it until it’s complete before moving on.
When your brain offers other things to do, tell it- I hear you, but no thanks. I’m here now, and I’ll tend to that other task after this task is done.
It’s little tweaks like this, in your daily live, that will help you train your brain where you want it to focus, leading to a more resilient and joyful life.
I am always excited to start a new journal. First, I love new books- an entire book of blank pages that I know I’m going to fill excites me. Second, I’m excited to anticipate where I will be when I get to the end of the journal.
When I started my current journal, I first wrote about who I am and who I want to be. Some of these I am now. Some of these are who I strive to be.
I’m Christine. I’m a nurse. I’m a life coach. I’m tall and thin, and I’m working to be more physically fit and active. I’m middle-aged (if I live to be 90). I do what I can to take care of myself and my family.
I know myself. I rely on myself. I enjoy, love, and trust myself (a good thing, too, because we have a lot of time to spend together).
I’m a homebody, and that’s OK because I have a lovely home to body in. I have plenty of gray hairs and scars and wrinkles from a life well-lived- in which I made it way more difficult for myself, but that’s OK. I did the best I could with what I had, and I didn’t know any better or differently.
I’ve learned how to slow down to go faster, to have ease for more joy, and that gratitude creates grace. I have fun and strive for an extraordinary life. I’m resilient and reinvent myself, and I don’t hold on to fear, worry, or anger. I’m kind and loving. I help and serve others. I have years of experience helping others. I am calm, cool, and collected and know what to do. I can help you do so, too. I’m in control [of me]; I run the show and steer this ship. I can show you how to, too. I push when needed with kindness and respect. I am warm, and open, and loving. I have all the time in the world for you. I care about you and communicate directly with your heart, your inner hero, your true you. I am genuinely curious and interested in you; after all, we all have a story to tell.
If you could BE anyone, possess any qualities that you admire in others, who would you be?
