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Remember last year, when you gave a talk, that public talk, & it was terrible, just genuinely awful- the worst talk ever?

And to be clear, this was not one of those- “Are you sure it was that bad? Maybe you’re just being hard on yourself…” For reals, it honestly was that bad. 

You flew through 2 hours of content in 45 minutes. You read every single word that you spoke from your notes. You never did settle in, slow down, or take it in stride. You looked up only at the very end to see where you were going to walk off stage. And your audience consisted of four people— including your mother & one of her friends. It was your first live presentation & the thought that anyone from anywhere could be watching at any time terrified you. Your performance showed as much. 

A few hours (days, hours, whatever) later, you were able to put down regret & pick yourself back up. You listened to Brené Brown’s talk about vulnerability hangovers, reminded yourself that it’s a thing, & found solace in the realization that you would likely never give a talk that badly ever again. Probably. It was over now; it wasn’t pleasant, but you survived. 

Fast forward a year later. You have a fantastic opportunity to give not one but two talks. While your audience is limited, it’s still possible that anyone from anywhere could watch at any time, but this thought no longer terrifies you. Instead, you are calm, cool, and collected. You are prepared; you BRING it. 

Why? What’s different? 

For one, as previously mentioned, you chose to believe you could never give a talk as bad ever again, & you created this reality for yourself.

Also, you remember that if you ever did have a similar experience, you would be OK; you’d survive. So, even if it feels like it, you will not actually die from giving another talk. And while not desirable, you are willing to feel that bad again because you know you will be OK. 

Most importantly, you’ve learned how to get crystal clear on the value you provide to others. 

You “mine” the evidence by asking yourself: 

Why are you the right person for this? 

Why is this the right audience? 

Why is this the right information? 

What is the right dose or amount of information (how deep do you want to go)?

What is the right route (how do you want to deliver this information)? 

Why is this the right time (why now)? 

Why is this the right reason, or why does this audience need this information? 

What is the right response you want the audience to have? 

Regarding right documentation- ASAP after the talk, do a quick evaluation: what went well, what didn’t go so well, what would you do differently- so you have straightforward suggestions for next time!

You want to be a good mom, but you come home from work exhausted. Nevertheless, you are willing to be a loving family member by telling your daughter how much you love her when she’s brushing her teeth before bed (bedtime is usually a trying time for you both). 

You want your staff to feel well supported, but you don’t have any information or answers to share, either. Nevertheless, you are willing to be a contributor to your community by speaking to everyone personally, for more interaction, building support & community. 

You want more time to do what you love to do (create art), but you’re too tired after work to get started. Nevertheless, you are willing to be a creator of beauty, so this Saturday, you put an old table in the corner of the spare bedroom where you can leave your art supplies out, ready to go. 

You want more energy to go to the gym and work out. Nevertheless, you are willing to be physically fit and healthy by setting yourself up for success. You have your gym clothes in the car, your kids know you’ll be busy & unavailable for an hour, and you will go straight to the gym after work, bypassing any opportunity to get “sucked into the couch,” starting tomorrow.  

You want to be empathetic towards your patients, but quite frankly, you struggle when your ethics are so different from theirs. Nevertheless, you are willing to be a contributor to your community by giving them the best care that you can- after all, they, too, deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. 

You want to take time off but feel guilty leaving your co-workers and peers. Nevertheless, you are willing to be a visionary leader by having a clarifying conversation with your boss by Friday’s end of the day, discussing what a successful leave could be. 

You miss your family when you’re traveling; it’s not possible to be in two places at once. Nevertheless, you are willing to be a loving family member by sending treats to let them know you are thinking of them from afar. 

P.S. Don’t for one second think I don’t coach myself on this stuff, too. I do. Most of what you’ve got, I’ve had, too. The only difference between you and me is I have two years of BEING COACHED under my belt. And I spent these past two and a half years learning about myself and how my mind works. So if I can do it, you can do it, too. 

Unknown, unsure, and uncertain have been coming up a lot recently. Many people are facing this right now. (It’s funny how things work like this. When I worked in the Emergency Room, we joked that there was “special” on MIs, abdominal pain, or whatever the “flavor” of the shift was. Today’s special is on the unknown, LOL.) And given the global pandemic and how things are constantly changing— it’s no wonder!

For clarity, “unknown” is defined as “not to have (information of some kind) in your mind; not to understand (something): not to have a clear and complete idea of (something).” (Merriam-Webster.com)

Are you familiar with the fable about the Chinese farmer and his sons? Let me indulge you. 

Once upon a time, there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “We’ll see.” The next day the horse came back, bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening, everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “We’ll see.” The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “We’ll see.” The next day the conscription officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “We’ll see.” [https://www.craftdeology.com/the-story-of-the-chinese-farmer-by-alan-watts/] 

Of course, life would be so much easier if someone just handed us an instruction manual. You would know exactly what was around every corner and how to handle every situation. But goodness, wouldn’t that be boring? And sure, sometimes when things are really feeling uncertain and scary, you’d welcome some boring into your life… but this is the beauty of life. It just doesn’t work this way. 

Pema Chödrön asks, “How can we relax and have a genuine, passionate relationship with the fundamental uncertainty, the groundlessness, of being human?” To which she also answers, “What if we accepted it and relaxed into it? What if we said, ‘Yes, this is the way it is; this is what it means to be human,” and decided to sit down and enjoy the ride?”  [Living Beautifully, p. 4]

Oh my goodness, can you imagine? To just sit down and enjoy the ride of life? You would have so much less stress, less worry, less time spent spinning your wheels trying to hit an impossible target. 

I know… you might be thinking: but Christine, that’s a lot. I have all this stuff going on; I can’t just sit back and enjoy the ride; there’s too much to do and too many things to plan. 

Don’t worry; I’ve got you. 

Tell me: WHAT DO YOU KNOW?  

Seriously, write a list. Take out a pen and paper and write it all down and when you’re done writing, check-in is there more? Any little thing will do. You can even title it, “This is what I know…” (I like Oprah’s line: “this is what I know for sure…”) 

When you feel confused, upset, or overwhelmed with all of the unknowns, when it feels like everything is unstable and out of your control— prove to yourself that you do know some things. 

You are so angry- at what, you don’t know.
You are so frustrated- why, you don’t know.
You are so stuck- what to do, you don’t know.
You point your finger and blame everyone else, but you need to look to you.

You don’t know that you actually have the power to make changes.
It is within you, and nothing else outside of you has to change- it is all just within you.

Read books and learn about yourself and your mind.
Really and truly practice gratitude, and you will learn grace.
Get coached, and you will learn to empower yourself.
Start small, keep your promises to yourself, and you will learn to trust yourself.
Observe your emotions, question what is true, and make empowered decisions for yourself.
Be willing to be kind, loving, and open.
Wash, rinse, and repeat.

[Photo of me from Feb. 2019, back when I was miserable. Despite the fake smile in this photo, I was too angry, too frustrated, too stuck to appreciate this nice weekend away. I was also cold, so very cold- it was between negative and single digits all weekend. And I certainly didn’t appreciate that either. Damn Mother Nature in NW Montana in February! 🤣]

A few very unofficial but important coaching terms that you might have heard if you’ve coached with me. I’m sharing here for the others to learn, but while we’re here- if you HAVEN’T coached with me, what are you waiting for?! It’s time! Make an appointment: chrisitneseager.com/book. 

The RUB. If you know me, you might know I do not love the sound of styrofoam rubbing together. Max loves it b/c he knows that’s the sound of leftovers getting in his bowl, but I do not. 

The Rub is the experience of incoherence- when our actions produce outcomes that are disconnected, inconsistent, or discordant with our values. You likely feel the experience of styrofoam rubbing together before you can articulate the words to describe it, or even before you can determine why you feel that way. Noticing The Rub is the first step; it’s a signal to pay attention, to look more closely at what’s going on, specifically, what actions you’re taking that are not in alignment with your values. 

The Warm-Fuzzies are the opposite of The Rub. It’s when something feels fantastic- you might want to snuggle down and stay there for a while. When your actions and your outcomes are in alignment, it feels warm & fuzzy. This is where you experience harmony, meaning, satisfaction, and fulfillment; it’s a nice place to be. 

You might be thinking- yes, but what about when “things” come up. How can I be/ stay/ get into a warm-fuzzy place? 

Simply by being willing to demonstrate your Life’s Intentions. 

There can be hardships and difficulties around you. Nevertheless, you are willing to demonstrate being a loving family member, being a contributor to your community, being spiritually developing, or being a well-respected professional. 

The way to get to The Warm-Fuzzies is to look at those difficulties through the lens of your Life’s Intentions, and then clear next steps will become evident. 

This one is for anyone who shares information with others. 

In healthcare, there are eight rights for medication administration: the right patient, medication, dose, route, time, documentation, reason, and response. 

You can use the same eight rights for information dissemination: the right audience, information, dose or amount of information, route (in person, phone, Zoom, email, one-on-one or group meeting), time (why now), reason (for sharing the info,) and response (did the information elicit the desired effect). Regarding documentation, whenever you share information, do a quick evaluation, jotting down what went well, what didn’t go well, and what would you do differently next time? 

[photo: me at one of my favorite places for disseminating information- my home office with my buddy, via computer with sunshine & a beautiful view.]

Snapped while preparing for my “How to Give More When You’re Tapped Out” talk for the Biannual All Nursing Staff meeting at Logan Health Whitefish tonight. 

I Zoomed in for this one (I was in person for Tuesday’s talk), so I thought I’d play a few sounds bites to add some spice to my talk. Sure enough, technology said, “Um, no.” The microphone didn’t pick up the volume, and my audience couldn’t hear the sound bites. 

So… I sang “Pound the Alarm” by Nicki Minaj, “Don’t Believe the Hype,” by Public Enemy, and imitated He-Man’s “I have the power” at the appropriate times during the talk. 

You’re welcome.

Hopefully, they also learned how to deal with overwhelm, exhaustion, difficult people, lack of time, and stressful situations like getting called into the boss’ office.

If you’d like help like this, too, reach out. I have two coaching spots opening in November.

While you can’t see it in this photo, the tee-shirt I’m wearing says COURAGE in white across the front. 

cour•age (n.) the ability to do something that frightens one; strength in the face of pain or grief. 

Courage to leave comfort and safety. 
Courage to step into the unknown. 
Courage to have difficult conversations. 
Courage to forgive. 
And courage to ask for forgiveness.

Courage to do uncomfortable things. 
Courage to be vulnerable. 
Courage to find your own back. 
Then courage to have your own back. 
And courage to ask for support, too. 

Courage to learn something new. 
Courage to have no income. 
Courage to let the savings account drop to uncomfortable levels. 
Courage to give up some things. 
And courage to not give up altogether.

When it seems like “it’s not working,” 
like surely all is lost, 
when you have nothing left to give,
take a minute to look for the evidence that it IS WORKING. 

Where is your COURAGE working?
Seriously, stop and look around for a second. Right now. 

What is the result you’re striving for? 
Be specific. 
Pick one goal, result, outcome, or desire. 

Think of 3, 5, or 10 things that prove you ARE actually moving towards this goal. Find the evidence. 
Keep looking.
Take a deep breath.
Good job. 
See, it IS working, and now you’ve found proof. 

You & your courage can keep going with your bad self. 

On a personal note, if you’re still reading, thanks. 
And I have an announcement: 
As of today, I am the life coach for Logan Health Whitefish.
I’ll be working part-time as an independent contractor for a 12-week trial supporting the LHW employees and staff (in the hospital, to start). 

I am SO honored and entirely thrilled to give back to our healthcare community in this way. 

Here’s to bringing ease and grace to the employees and staff at LHW.

If you work there, please get in touch with me to get coached (text, email, DM).
If you know anyone who works there, please share this & encourage them to contact me for coaching. 
If you’re a healthcare worker interested in coaching, please reach out. I have 1-on-1 coaching available for you.

It’s 4 PM, and your boss just asked to set up a meeting tomorrow. 

You immediately think, “Uh oh, I’m in trouble. What did I do now?” 

With dread, you agree to it, but you’re not available to meet until 11 AM that’s 19 hours- NINETEEN!! 

In the meantime, you have dinner plans with your girlfriends tonight, but there’s no way you’re going to be able to enjoy dinner with this meeting hanging over your head. Plus, your boss is so rude. Who does that at 4 PM?!?!? 

You go to dinner & complain to your friends. They all jump on board with you, complaining about what a jerk your boss is. You feel better for a bit, but it’s fleeting- that sense of dread is still looming. Plus, you just spent the last 20 minutes talking smack about your boss & that doesn’t feel good either. You go home drained & exhausted.

OR
It’s 4 PM, and your boss just asked to set up a meeting tomorrow… You feel that sense of dread for a second, but you take a deep breath. 

You remember that you’re COURAGEOUS, a GOOD FRIEND, you love to have FUN and dance. Just thinking about that warms your heart- if even just for a minute.

You consider what happened, looking at the facts (that which are provable in the court of law):

At 4 PM, your boss said, “Let’s set up a meeting for tomorrow.”

As you’re considering this, you think- well, I’m not aware that I’ve done anything wrong, and even if I have, I’m not going to die from this. (I know this thought sounds drastic, but this is what our brains do- constantly look for danger and things we could die from. Our brains have not changed a lot in the past 100,000 years. )

So you take it another step thinking- 
Maybe my boss is looking to support me on my next project.
Maybe my boss wants to commend me on my last project. 
It’s possible they want to just check in with me and see how things are going.

Now, you see possibility; you feel present & optimistic and can genuinely enjoy your time at dinner laughing with your girlfriends. You go home filled up and joyous. 

#lookforthepossibility

We’ll walk side-by-side; I picture us on a beach. 

I’ll stop once in a while and look directly into your eyes, seemingly into your heart, into your soul, and I will tell you truthfully what I see- the courage, the bravery, the wonderfulness that is you- so that you can see it too. 

I’ll show you what is possible for your life, we’ll revel in this gloriousness, and then we’ll talk about how, exactly, you will make this will happen for you. 

I’ll give you tough love when you need it, but only because I genuinely love and care about you. I will hold you in this space, even when you are not there for yourself, actually, especially when you are not there for yourself. 

I’ll teach you about your brain and how it can be a jerk sometimes, but also how that’s OK because it’s just doing its job and cares about you, too. 

I’ll help you see what you’ve accomplished, and we’ll celebrate. 

We’ll look at your next steps, get super clear about what they are, and celebrate that, too. 

And then one day, you’ll look back and think, “Wow, look at where I am now. I did that. I feel good, and I did that, too. Remember how I used to be? Look at me now.” 

And you will see that you’re living a life you love, built for you, by you, and it is good. 

If you want some of that for you, REACH OUT!! It really is that easy.