To be appreciative is to feel or show gratitude or pleasure.
Similar to gratitude, we can look for the good in other people, sit with it for a bit, and absorb it into our core.
Do you feel generally appreciated in life? At work? For the things you do? For the things you don’t do?
What about this- how much do you appreciate those around you? Do you look for the good in others? Then, when you find it, do you take a minute to appreciate and soak that goodness into your core?
Let’s try it. Think of one person in your life. Can you list ten things you appreciate about them? Which one or two “appreciates” would you be willing to carry around with you for a bit? Are you willing to speak with that person and share your appreciation? If so, by when?
Bonus: can you do the same with someone more difficult- find ten things you appreciate about them, select one or two to hold onto, share your appreciation with them, and choose a date/ time to do so?
What do you see now? How do you imagine you will feel after you share this appreciation with them? How or do you feel when someone shares what they appreciate about you with you? Let’s get out and spread more of that goodness.
Are you one of those people who can’t leave work at work?
You worry about your employees, co-workers, and peers wondering if they are happy, if they like their jobs, or if they will leave? And if they do, who will take care of the patients?
OR
There are so many changes- what will things look like in 6 months or a year from now? Will you still have the same job?
OR
How will all the work ever get done? There are so many things to do and not enough time.
Here are a few concepts to keep in mind when mitigating our stress.
Remember that thoughts are just thoughts. We have over 60-thousand thoughts a day; 95% of those thoughts are the same thoughts we had yesterday, and 80% of those are negative. So that is 45,600 repetitive, negative thoughts a day.
Staying present- to the here and now helps. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, and worry stem from focusing on the future. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievance, sadness, and bitterness stem from focusing on the past. There is no room for these emotions when we focus on the present.
Journalling helps get the concerns out of us & onto paper so we can identify & clearly address each one.
Knowing our life’s itentions helps us determine what action to take to relieve our stress.
When we create positive experiences, we reshape the brain’s circuits to make future positive experiences more likely; we rewire our brains. Synapses that fire together, wire together. (I liken it to game trails on a hillside: the well-worn game trails are easier to get to, just as the well-worn neural pathways are easier to get to, too.)
Adapted from Dr. Rick Hanson’s book, Buddha’s Brain, there are three ways to do this:
Turn positive facts into positive experiences. Good things happen all the time. Don’t just let them roll by. Look for the good. Pay attention. Be open and mindful. Maybe your husband doesn’t bring you flowers, but he cooks dinner or holds the door open for you. Isn’t that so nice? Focus on that.
Savor the experience— hold on to it for 5, 10, 20 seconds. Don’t just run off or move on to the next thing. (“The longer it’s held in awareness, the more emotionally stimulating, the more neurons will fire and wire together and the stronger the trace in the memory.” Now you’re creating positive memory traces.) Focus on how good it feels and get into the details. When I was a kid, my grandma gave me the best hugs. I can remember exactly how it felt, what her perfume smelled like (powder), her ginormous arms wrapped around me like a blanket. Internalize the awesomeness, so you can carry it with you at all times, not just when you’re in the moment or with the person.
Soak it up. Like a sponge absorbs water or how the sun’s warmth feels through a dark tee-shirt. Relax your body and absorb the emotions, sensations, and thoughts of the experience.
While I realize that having one big hairy audacious goal (or BHAG), three phrases of the year & three reminders might seem like a lot for some people, I have allllll of 2022 to live into these. I’ll put decorative stickies on my computer, I already have them in my notes (on my phone), and they will soon be on my bathroom mirror- as daily reminders.
Why “phrases” of the year? I do phrases because single words often aren’t adequate for what I want to portray, but the concept is the same. I roll various phrases around my head for a bit, thinking about where I’ve been and what I want for myself in the coming year. The ones I like most stick around, and then I commit to them.
INSPIRED ACTION: I’ve found that I have ideas but don’t always put them into action &/ or, I have the same few “to-dos” on my list for a long time. (Hello email list, I’m talking to you.) Since I know I can coach my clients on anything, and I am learning how to coach myself- there is simply no need for this. I want to clear more brain space for ease, grace, and more clarity. So, in 2022, I will do my daily work to inspire myself into action enjoying the work and not just slogging through it.
CEO: I’m embracing my role as CEO of Christine Seager Coaching. Being a solopreneur means learning to be both employee and boss simultaneously; I have to hold myself (as an employee) accountable to myself (as the boss). Let me tell you something- going from a nurse who uses critical thinking skills, but also follows orders to a solopreneur who does it alone- is a trip. It’s easy to say- “I’ll do that later,” or “I’m not sure how,” or “I don’t know what to do next.” Guess where that gets you? Nowhere and definitely not any closer to my BHAG.
As CEO, I will have a structured plan, know what I’m working on at any moment, and have clear next steps. I am mindful of my time, ensuring I’m using it proficiently and stepping towards my BHAG.
A YEAR OF HEALTH: I’m hesitant to share this here for a few reasons. 1. because it’s such a cliché thing to say at the start of a new year. 2. because I’ve made similar promises in the past and as soon as I announce it, I fall off the wagon. But this time it’s different because I’m committed to it.
A year of health means making wise decisions about what I put into my mouth (I.E., less sugar, and more water), moving my body, and stretching. (I’ll be honest, I don’t yet have a clear plan for stretching, but I will by the end of this week.) I’m evaluating the action I’m taking and correcting course with the goal of life-long health & well-being. (Stay tuned to hear about the exact steps I’m taking for this.)
Again, I have an entire year to work all of this out. I don’t expect to be rocking my CEO role or to be the epitome of physical fitness and health this week or even this month, but I do hope to be further along by the end of 2022.
I love the new year, but really I love any opportunity for fresh beginnings (which I know could be at any moment, like any given Tuesday at 2:37 PM). 💃🏻
I have several small goals and one big, hairy, audacious goal for 2022. I’m done rolling my “phrases of the year” around my head (see below). I have several events already scheduled for 2022. And I’m ready to hit the ground running– after a nap (because it’s Saturday, it’s New Year’s Day, and I can).
My phrases for the year are inspired action, CEO, and a year of health.
I have one promise: sunshine= get outside no matter the temperature AND don’t delay (as you might lose the sunshine).
And three reminders: ~ Everything you want it’s up to you. ~ Your happiness is your responsibility- at all times. ~ Be willing to feel all the feels (including the scary ones like judgment, “failure,” and not doing it “right”). [sharing for a friend 😉]
What, if anything, do you do for the new year?
[Continued on the next post, click here to read about my phrases of the year.]
Photo: me all wrapped up warmly for XC skiing in the sunshine. It was 15º and I was alright. And thanks to the hubs for encouraging me to keep going. It was fine & he was right. Him: Are you cold? Me: YES!! Him: Good! Let’s go.
I’m doing a workshop on goal setting for 2022, and a significant part of reaching your goals is being willing to fail.
As children, we’re taught not to fail in school- if we fail our exams, we will get low grades and not graduate or move onto the next level (not to mention getting into trouble with parents & teachers).
As adults, failure is a necessary part of life! Think about learning how to do anything- drive a car, ski or snowboard, or ride a bike.
When I learned how to cross-country ski, I already knew downhill, but I still struggled to learn this new way. I couldn’t quite figure out how to GO without gravity on my side. And my cross-country skis were longer & more awkward than my downhills. So I fell, again and again, getting increasingly frustrated. At one point, I started crying out of frustration, and then I was laughing at my ridiculousness- now crying and laughing at the same time.
Could you imagine if the first time I fell, I just packed up & left? I would have never learned, and I love XC skiing. I would have missed out on years of enjoyment.
The same is true for any new endeavor. Are you starting a new job, new position, or taking on a new role? Are you learning a new skill or a new sport? Are you learning how to run your side business, make more money, lose weight or be more physically active in a sustainable way? If not, no problem- it’s new to you.
You are LEARNING how to do the thing, and “failure” is part of it. Instead of focusing on failure, focus on LEARNING and the courage it takes to learn something new.
Cross-country skiing- one of my favorite winter activities.
I often hear from my clients that they want something… To feel confident, for example. To make more money. To be a better manager.
I usually respond with- Great! What might that look like to you?
They go blank. They don’t know. Sometimes, they’ve never really thought about that specifically before.
Of- course, it isn’t easy to OBTAIN something when you don’t know what IT is!
The first step to reaching any goal is naming it, then being very specific, visualizing what, exactly, that would look like for you.
What does “confidence” mean to you? What might that look like to you- in your life? How might you be willing to demonstrate ‘confident’ in your life?
How much money would you like to make? How many more hours could you work or how many more products would you have to sell? How could you do that? What are your options?
Same with being a better manager… what does that look like to you? Specifically, for your job? What are some ways you could demonstrate being a better manager right now?
Did you know you are your own best mentor? Yes, your future self has all of your answers. Just imagine who you are in your future and then ask your future self questions.
Get to know your future self with a few questions: What are you like? What have you created? What is your life like? What has come into your life? What have you let go of? Describe your day-to-day life- what do you do on your days off, and what do your workdays look like? What trips have you booked or taken? How do you feel about yourself? What thoughts are you thinking, and how do those thoughts feel?
It might be helpful to start with what you know. If you’re interested in “meeting” your future business self, start with the Life’s Intention that is most meaningful for you. Perhaps to be a contributor to your community or to be a well-respected professional. Then, imagine what you are doing 5 or 10 years from now. What are you wearing? Who are you meeting? How do you answer the age-old question: what do you do? What are your children doing? Where are you living? What does your kitchen or your office look like?
At some point, you will feel a shift. You can actually see yourself doing the things you are imagining. It will feel like more than just randomly making up stuff. It will begin to feel more real. “Yes, I can see myself doing that. Yes, that would be amazing to do. Yep, this is becoming more clear.”
The more details and specificity, the better.
So, now that you have met your future self start asking questions from where you are now. How did I get there? Should I take this opportunity or not? What is the best way to go about doing this?
Just ask your future self & see what comes up. You truly can be your own best mentor; you just have to know how.
Photo of me at The Lodge in Whitefish with glasses on- looking extra smart & mentor-y.
Hey, the holidays are fast among us; Thanksgiving is this week.
While it’s supposed to be a time of togetherness, joy, & love, this time of year often brings stress, pressure, and upset.
Sometimes words are exchanged, and those words might sting, but they don’t have to.
You get to choose what you make everything mean.
Words are just words. [I know- say what?] But, think about that for a minute. Words really are just words. You get to decide what you make those words mean.
If someone says something and you get offended, it’s because you worry that there is truth in it.
For example, if someone said, “You’re a blonde” (but you are actually a brunette), you would laugh at the ridiculousness of it. Because those words hold zero water, they wouldn’t bother you at all; you would think- this is simply ridiculous.
What if someone said, “You’re stupid.” Hmmm… these words *might* hold water. You’re questioning- am I stupid? Why do they think I’m stupid? What did I say or do to make them think I’m stupid?
But, if you believe that you are not stupid, just as strongly as you believe you are not blonde, then these words would hold zero water and wouldn’t bother you at all. You would think- this is simply ridiculous.
What if you didn’t believe it was true?
What if you found evidence to show yourself (NOT as arguing points to your counterpart) that it is not true?
What if you simply recognized that words are just words?
And, that person can think whatever they want to think about you, just as you get to think whatever you want to think about you, too?
