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Do you react to everything through anger?

It’s as if everything is held in with a loosely held cork that could blow at any second.

Underneath all of that anger is

Frustration because you feel an expectation of perfection, and you don’t even know how NOT to hold that expectation of yourself. Maybe you’re not even aware that you do.

Dismay because you thought your life would go another way, but the reality of your life is different from your previously held dreams and aspirations.

Heartache because of the powerlessness you feel daily.

And this all results in apathy because you don’t give a damn anymore.

You’ve given up trying.

I want you to know that none of that is true. Zip. Zero. Zilch. 0%.

It’s just the B.S. your brain serves up.

You don’t have to be perfect; who defines perfection anyway?
What does perfect look like?
According to whom?
Who died and gave them all the power?
And why are you letting that rule you anyway?

Sure, the reality of life is sometimes different from your previously held dreams & aspirations, but every moment that you decide to stay where you are is a moment that you continue to make that choice again and again.

Don’t say that you thought your life would go another way.

This is where it went.

What do you want to do now?

Get up & make it be so.

Make different choices.

Take different actions.

This brings us so eloquently to the last point.

When you take different actions, you are empowered.

Sitting in apathy IS powerless.

So make different choices; start with making just one different choice.

Here’s something you can have power over.
How do you WANT to feel?

What thought would you need to think to feel that way?

Find evidence of how that thought is or could be true.

See how that IS true.

Make decisions & take action from there.

If you want to learn how not to be an angry elf….
If you want to feel less frustrated, dismayed, and heartache and more empowered, calm, and joyful, I can help. Seriously. I have been there, too. We can do a consult. OR you can join me for the next CSC Masterclass, where I’m sharing my # 1 easiest & most helpful coaching tool where you will learn exactly what to do next.

Ahhh, spring break.

As you’re scrolling Instagram, it seems everyone you know is headed to Hawaii.

Before you know it, you’re moping around the house, still in your slippers at 2 PM on Saturday, talking smack about those people on vacation, justifying how the weather probably isn’t that great there right now anyway– isn’t it the rainy season?

You snap at your husband & kids, & they wonder what got into you.

Jealousy. That’s what.

When you catch yourself silently seething & wishing others slight ill-will, you suddenly feel additionally ashamed as you realize that’s no way to treat your friends.

Of- course, you don’t REALLY want them to get rained on.

You’re just upset because you wanted to go on spring break, too, but you felt like you couldn’t.

After all, there are other more important things to spend money on; the car needs new breaks, and there is college to save for.

Plus, you’re really busy at work this week.

And you feel guilty about leaving the pets.

And also, you’re worried about leaving the house– what if something happens while you’re gone?

But then you’re still sad because you want to go on vacation too.

You could let this jealousy ruin your whole day (maybe your week?), OR

You could just decide not to feel jealous.

And to feel better instead.

You would be a better friend, wife & mom.

You would get creative & think of other things you could do for a mini spring break (like a nice pedicure & a fancy dinner— less time & money).

You get to decide what you focus on. Do you want to be jealous or happy?

If you would like help to be more happy & less jealous, this is one of the things I help my clients with. Use the link in my bio to book a consult & get started. Or join me for April’s CSC Masterclass Evaluating Your Results on Monday, April 17, 2023, at 11 AM MT (1 PM ET).

Click to register here

Oh my goodness, he’s done it again.

The laundry is in a heap on the floor, right NEXT TO the hamper, not actually in the hamper.

You’ve asked him time & time again to put the dirty clothes IN the hamper, but he doesn’t.

You even moved the hamper to where he drops his dirty clothes on the floor, but still no.

So, you take a deep breath & try to remember what you learned in Christine’s Collaborative Communications workshop.

You get calm & curious.

You state what you see.

You validate & show understanding.

You ask for his solution.

And later, you evaluate.

Of course, ideally, after this conversation, the laundry makes it into the basket, but more importantly,

Because you collaborated calmly, instead of coming “at” him, he is more willing to talk about it.

Because you showed understanding instead of angrily asking him why?! He feels loved & supported, & not like he’s in ‘trouble.’

You & your partner are on the same team.

You can come to a solution that works for both of you.

And you’ve averted an argument over something as trivial as laundry.

Do you struggle with your business?

How often are you meeting people & telling people who you are, what you do, and how you can help them, and then proving it?

How do you feel about doing this?

Are you clear on who you are?

What you do?

How you help people?

Are you able to prove it?

Imagine going to the doctor, and they say,

“Hey, I’m Dr. So-and-so, and I have these tools?”(Questionmark on purpose, as they are questioning themselves.)

“I’m not exactly sure if or how they can help you, but I know you need this. It makes all of this better. Wanna try?”

You’re like… Mmmm, nope sure don’t.

OR,

Hi, I’m Dr. So-and-so. I have the tools, knowledge & experience to remove your infected appendix so that you stop having pain & don’t get sicker. Wanna try? [Obviously, more would go into this conversation, but just this alone is more clear & specific.]

Um, yes, please- I don’t want any more pain & risk of more sickness.

When you’re getting ready to network- to go out & meet people,

The very FIRST STEP is to get clear for yourself.

Then you can more clearly communicate with those you meet.

Are you living the life you want to live

Or do you feel both overwhelmed & kind of bored too?

You do the same thing- day in & day out: kids’ school, your work, kids’ after-school stuff, dinner & bed.

You’re happy if you have time to clean up, much less have an adult conversation or read a book, before you collapse at the end of your day.

The weekends *should* be a relief, but they are a mad dash to get everything done- more sports, hopefully, some quality family time, 

but still probably not enough time to prep for the week ahead.

Before you know it, it’s Monday again.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

If the weekend didn’t go as planned,

Or you stayed up too late & overslept Monday morning

It derails your whole week. 

You run around all day Monday trying to catch up, which bleeds into Tuesday & Tuesday into Wednesday, & so on until it’s Friday again. 

Thank goodness it’s the weekend; you can try again– even though it will be more of the same. 

And you’re exhausted & so frustrated again. 

But what if…

Monday’s chaos stays in Monday & doesn’t bleed into Tuesday?

What if Monday’s chaos isn’t really chaos, it’s just LIFE for a minute– 

The life of a busy working mom with a family & some littles? 

What if you could just stop for a second 

Think you’ve got this, 

And actually, have it? 

Do you know HOW to do this? 

It’s simple. 

You think, “I’ve got this; we’re fine.” 

And you know that you’ve got this, 

And that you are fine. 

The longer you spin out in overwhelm and being behind and “oh no, now what,” the more time, energy & effort you spend in the place you don’t want to be.

All you have to do is reassure your brain that you’ve got this. 

And know that you DO. 

If you are a busy mama who wants a life with less rushing, overwhelm, and chaos, and more calmness, self-assuredness, and chill, I can help. 

You will have more time to enjoy your life, rather than just run around. 

You will have a handle on your schedule instead of running from fire to fire. 

You will appreciate this phase of your kids’ lives, & this time in your own life.

Have you ever delegated work to an employee, only to have the project either not completed on time, or based on the wrong information altogether?

You think- WTF (with your inside voice ;)).

But, WTF, indeed- what happened?!

It’s a legitimate question because you can’t imagine what happened (in your employee’s head), and you want to know.

When you inquire from a neutral place, and don’t condemn them,

When you state only what you see, and not from frustration,

When you are honestly curious, and not making assumptions,

When you validate their experience, and not necessarily agreeing with them, but with understanding, and

When you invite their solution, and don’t just tell them what they to do,

You will create a safe environment for your employees to share openly with you so that you can collaborate.

You will see where delegation worked & broke down,
Where communication was & was not clear,
WHY they took the actions they took,
And how you would like to delegate differently next time.

Have better relationships with your co-workers.
Be on the same team.
Empower your employees.
Create meaningful relationships.
Make your work (or home) life more manageable.
Be more productive & have a more effective team with less time, energy & effort expenditure…

With these steps:

be neutral (leave your frustration behind),

state what you see (facts only, please),

get curious (ask what, not why),

validate & show you understand

invite their solution (you’re on the same team)

and after the interaction, evaluate the process (what worked, what didn’t work, and what you want to do differently next time).

You’ve just given a presentation that you’ve worked on for weeks, and as soon as it’s done, you think, “Nailed it,” and you’re walking on cloud 9 for the rest of the day. 

But then later that night, right when you lay down to sleep…

All the second-guessing and picking it apart sneaks in.

Are you sure you nailed it? 
Were you professional enough?
Did you say everything you were supposed to say? 
Surely there was something you forgot? 
And you replay it over and over and over again in your mind. 

I should have said this instead. 
I should have done it that way instead. 
Dang it, I forgot this whole thing over here. 

And just like that, you now feel like garbage. 

But if you want more confidence, more comfort, more certainty in your life– 

~ Be on to yourself. Notice that this is what your brain does. Brains are gonna brain. Meaning: it’s just trying to keep you safe, even though you aren’t really at risk.

~ Question the negative thoughts- is it true? 

~ Decide if YOU think they are true or not. (News flash, they are not true.) 

~ Either put your foot down & tell your brain “no thank you” &/or redirect it to better thoughts by looking for evidence of what worked. And choose to stay there. 

It’s normal to do this when we are used to the “habit of lack of confidence,” but if you’re not down with that & you want confidence, let’s get you some. This is exactly what I help my clients with, and I can help you, too. Use the link in my bio to book a consult.

There were a few years when I just existed and didn’t actually live my life. 

I simply wasn’t interested in participating. 

I wanted to stay home, on the couch, or in bed. 

Almost all the time. 

Any excuse would do: I was too cold, too busy, too tired, too whatever to participate in my life. 

I skipped out on everything I thought I reasonably could. 

But eventually, I felt like I was watching my life play out on a movie screen rather than living it. 

I knew something was off, but I didn’t know what it was, how to get help, or where to begin. 

I read books, watched videos, and listened to podcasts, consuming as much information as possible. 

But everything really changed when I started applying what I learned to myself and my life. 

I learned to question my thoughts. 

Here’s how: 
1. I noticed the voice inside my head, my brain, the me that talks to me. 

2. I learned how to hear it and identify my thoughts. 

3. “Is it true?” Usually, upon questioning, I could see that those thoughts were not actually true. 

4. But if they felt true, I would question further, “Does thinking this thought serve me?”

5. If that thought didn’t serve me, but I still wasn’t ready to put it down, I would turn that thought around and look for a newer, truer thought. 

6. And when my brain & I found the thought that truer thought– the old thought never bothered us again. 

Your thoughts are optional. 

You get to choose what thoughts to think. 

You can always look for better thoughts to think. 

Let’s break down the untrue thoughts you are thinking now and find better ones for you. Book a consultation call.

Do your employees & co-workers trust you? 
Do they feel respected, valued, and empowered? 
Are they comfortable collaborating with you? 

Or do they withhold, hide or try to handle problems independently, even when it might be inappropriate? 

What about your partner? 
Do they feel comfortable sharing with you?
Do you have emotional intimacy? 
Or have you drifted apart, each living in your world? 

Are you well connected with your (older) children? 
Do they know & respect your boundaries? 
Are they growing into responsible young adults? 
Or are they defensive, discontent & dishonest with you? 

If your relationships are not where you’d like them to be 
If you would like to learn how to communicate better, 
So that you have more trust from your staff, comfortable, open & honest communication with your partner, 
and peaceful & productive conversations with your children—

There are five simple steps:

1. Get calm, or at least neutral, by getting curious.
2. State what you see.
3. Validate their experience by showing you understand.
4. Invite their solution.
5. Evaluate your process so that you can communicate even better the next time.

It’s Sunday afternoon, and you’re already feeling the week’s stress sneaking up on you. 

You aren’t even at work. 

It’s technically still the weekend. 

But you can’t help it. 

You know it’s coming to a close.

And you’re dreading work tomorrow. 

And there’s that big meeting on Tuesday. 

And everyone at work is freaking out. 

Because everyone hates change. 

Ugh, it’s so annoying. 

Is noon too soon to have a drink? 

Maybe you can have lunch out & get margaritas at that Mexican restaurant. 

That will help. 

OR 

You can actually enjoy the rest of your weekend.

You still have 1/4 of the weekend left. 

You can meet a friend for lunch at the Mexican restaurant, enjoying your food, the company, and that margarita– 

Because it tastes good

Not b/c you’re drowning your sorrows. 

You can sit on the couch and read a book in guilt-free laziness. 

You can food shop & meal prep to make the rest of your week easier, but you don’t have to. 

You can watch a movie & eat popcorn surrounded by your family. 

But for God’s-sake, don’t fret, stress, & worry about your upcoming week during your time off. 

That’s what time off is for– to remove yourself from it. 

At the very least, it will be there for you on Monday morning. 

But don’t let it be there for you on Sunday afternoon, too. 

I’ll help you keep your work worries at bay. Book a free consultation call. Or if you’re a LHW employee, coaching is free for you- book an appointment. One call can change your life. 

Oh my goodness, he’s done it again.

The laundry is in a heap on the floor, right NEXT TO the hamper, not actually in the hamper.

You’ve asked him time & time again to put the dirty clothes IN the hamper, but he doesn’t.

You even moved the hamper to where he drops his dirty clothes on the floor, but still no.

So, you take a deep breath & try to remember what you learned in Christine’s Collaborative Communications workshop.

You get calm & curious.

You state what you see.

You validate & show understanding.

You ask for his solution.

And later, you evaluate.

Of course, ideally, after this conversation, the laundry makes it into the basket, but more importantly,

Because you collaborated calmly, instead of coming “at” him, he is more willing to talk about it.

Because you showed understanding instead of angrily asking him why?! He feels loved & supported, & not like he’s in ‘trouble.’

You & your partner are on the same team.

You can come to a solution that works for both of you.

And you’ve averted an argument over something as trivial as laundry.

Oh my goodness, he’s done it again.

The laundry is in a heap on the floor, right NEXT TO the hamper, not actually in the hamper.

You’ve asked him time & time again to put the dirty clothes IN the hamper, but he doesn’t.

You even moved the hamper to where he drops his dirty clothes on the floor, but still no.

So, you take a deep breath & try to remember what you learned in Christine’s Collaborative Communications workshop.

You get calm & curious.

You state what you see.

You validate & show understanding.

You ask for his solution.

And later, you evaluate.

Of course, ideally, after this conversation, the laundry makes it into the basket, but more importantly,

Because you collaborated calmly, instead of coming “at” him, he is more willing to talk about it.

Because you showed understanding instead of angrily asking him why?! He feels loved & supported, & not like he’s in ‘trouble.’

You & your partner are on the same team.

You can come to a solution that works for both of you.

And you’ve averted an argument over something as trivial as laundry.

If you want to learn how to avoid having arguments over trivial things– this is exactly what I teach my clients and I can help you, too. The first step is for us to talk. Click here to book.