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When you want to change your job, lose weight, drink less alcohol and more water, have a better relationship with your mother, and you feel like you need a compete life overhaul– you need to know you can 100% do all of that, just not all at once and not overnight.

The trick here is to practice constraint.

Start with one thing.

When you learn how to create good habits in one area and practice those habits seemingly automatically, add another area you want to change or improve.

Constraint eliminates overwhelm.

If you are trying to do everything everywhere all at once, start small then habit stack, adding little by little.

If you’d like help, the first step is to reach out.

I will help you prioritize where to start.

We’ll break down the specific steps for each goal.

I’ll support you when the discomfort, fear or worries come up,

And you will learn how to support yourself

As you grow and evolve into living a life you love.

Click here to book a consult and get started.

(PS. Don’t forget coaching is always free if you are a Logan Health Whitefish employee! Click here to book a session.)

Let’s talk about observation for a hot second. 

Observation is just saying, Oh, hi, hey hello there, Self. What’s up? 

And have no judgment. 

We’re just checking things out. 

Like when two chill (aka. balanced) dogs sniff each others’ butts. 

You’re just checking things out with yourself. 

It’s so helpful!! 

For example, if you’re following me on socials right now, you know we’re on a road trip. 

And I know, from experience (aka. past observations), that at some point, usually about halfway, I will start to get antsy. 

This isn’t pre-planned, pre-thought-out, or intentional. 

I don’t even math to find out when the halfway mark of the trip will be, 

But inevitably, I know. 

And right around then is the day I will melt down. 

I’m easily irritable. 

I want a break. 

I need a change. 

On this trip, it happened to be two days ago; I was simply over camping in the cold & wind. 

As always, I have choices: 

I could mitigate the circumstances by changing my thoughts & feelings about them, get to a better feeling place & take action from there. 

I could have a tantrum & ruin the day for myself & everyone around me. 

I could ask for what I wanted- a break from camping- a hotel room for the night.

So, that’s what I did, and we booked a room. (Tara was ready for a break, too, and Scott was happy that we were happy.)

Observation is helpful because I know there is a point & time when traveling when I will want a break. 

It is not a problem at all. 

I know it’s my pattern. 

I know it’s coming. 

I know I have options. 

I know how to have grace for myself. 

And I know to ask for what I need from others.

All from just observing. 

If you want to learn how to observe or to have grace for yourself and others, this is exactly what I teach my clients. The first step is to book a consult call. Use the link in my bio or go to christineseager.com/book.

On Thursday at 1 PM, it’s sunny & unseasonably warm out.

You’re antsy & want to go SUP on the lake.

With some quick math, you figure you could be on the water in an hour!

You know a little peace & sunshine out on the lake will rejuvenate your soul. 

But you’re a salaried employee & you’re worried about work, despite already being at 40 hours this week, usually averaging 45- 50 hours/week, and you will still work tomorrow.

You think: I should be at my desk. What if someone needs something? What if they think I’m not doing enough? 

You feel guilty for even considering it and anxious as you weigh your options. 

Let’s break it down: is it true that you are not doing enough at work? 

You average working 50 hours a week. 

You have a laundry list of projects completed. 

Your boss has consistently given you positive feedback on your performance reviews. 

And you’ve already discussed a flexible schedule with her– you have carte blanche to work when you want to as long as your work gets done each week. 

With this peace of mind, you decide to go SUP for the afternoon. 

And, of- course, you return refreshed, rejuvenated & ready to tackle the next challenge at work on Friday. 

Breaking down options & making decisions easier is one of the things I help my clients with. If you’d like help with this, the first step is to book a complimentary consultation so we can talk about it, click here.

(PS. Don’t forget coaching is always free if you are a Logan Health Whitefish employee! What a fantastic benefit!! Click here to book a session.)

In the last post, we talked about how perfectionism is an indulgence keeping you in inaction and why you might want to stop.

Today, we’ll talk about how.

As always, we start with awareness. Notice when you feel tight, stressed, pressured, rushed, overwhelmed, worried, inadequate, disappointed, or frustrated.
What are you thinking that has you feeling this way?
What are you making that mean about you?
Is it true?
What is true at this moment?
What would you rather think, feel or do instead?
Do that.

Here are a few examples:
When you’re leaving your house for the day & feel like it needs to be picked up, you run around putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher, picking up socks off the living room couch, and putting shoes on the floor in the mudroom up on shelves.

What if someone else sees what a mess this place is? They will know I’m a hot mess, not a good wife or mom. But, of course, that’s not true. What is true is you’re a busy mom getting everyone out the door in the morning.

What about the “perfect” email at work?
You feel stressed about what to say & how to say it. You worry that everyone will think you’re dumb & don’t know what you’re doing.
What is true is you’re doing your best to communicate a request, and you want to do a good job.

Make sure your husband does it “right:”
You’re irritated and think he will break something irreparable or expensive to fix, but that is not necessarily true. What is true is he, too, is doing his best to fix it. You can choose to have faith in this.

Over-preparing for a meeting at work:
You’re spending so much time agonizing over what you will say, how you will say it, who you will delegate what to, and every bit & piece of the meeting. You’re worried they will think you don’t know what you’re doing, but that is untrue. You do know what you’re doing- at the very least, you’ve earned your position here in the first place.

If you’d like help noticing & then mitigating your perfectionism tendencies, I can help you. You can book a complimentary consult & let’s talk (LHW Employees book here).

P.S. Nature is the only thing that’s perfect anyway.

Perfectionism in an indulgence.

Defined as a refusal to accept any standard short of perfection, perfectionism in an indulgence because it keeps you in inaction.

I know you’re thinking- what does she mean inaction!? I’m doing all of the things!!

Bear with me.

When you spend your time:

Pouring over the perfect email at work– agonizing over what you say & how you say it.

Ensuring your house is clean & picked up before you leave (lest you should die during the day & someone sees what a mess your house is).

Monitoring, I mean watching, what your husband does to ensure he’s doing it “right.”

Over-preparing for a meeting with the board at work.

You waste your time, energy & effort on perfectionism.

Do your best & send the email.

No one will judge your messy, lived-in house if you’re dead.
No matter how much you think it’s true, there is no one “right way” to do things.

Again, prepare & then be okay with doing your best with the board at work.

It is okay to accept a standard just short of perfectionism.

When you stop indulging in perfectionism, you can complete your work in 40 hours/ week instead of the 50 you’ve been working.

You will have more energy to go for that bike ride or have an important conversation with your teenager.

You will feel more accomplished & successful & therefore be happier in life.

Try it. Just see where you might be spending time trying to make something perfect & then don’t. Get to a place where you decide it’s good enough & then send it.

If you’d like help identifying & then stopping your perfectionist tendencies, this is one of the things I help my clients with & I can help you too.

If you’d like to hear more about how I can help, book a complimentary consultation (right here. Logan Health Employees, click here) & let’s talk.

Also, if you’d like to learn how to Manage Your Schedule & Live a Better Life, please join me for this free masterclass on Friday, May, 26, 2023 at 12 noon MT. Advanced registration is required. You can do so here.

Do you have a direct report who talks only about personal things?

They seem to be a sh*t magnet.

When you ask how they’re doing, they start right in & go on & on & on about it-
the car breaking down,
the kids needing to get to school,
the cat who puked all over the kitchen table during breakfast,
the mother-in-law who calls only to nag & complain.
And all of this before 8 AM.

You want to be supportive but can’t get your work done.

You wonder how they get their work done, too, and frankly, as their supervisor, you know that they don’t really.

You wish they would stop, that somehow they would just… not.

But really, they won’t know unless you tell or show them.

You have to establish a boundary.

It can sound like this:

If you continue to talk to me about personal things, I will redirect you back to work-related things.
If our conversation progresses to non-work related things, I’m going to end the conversation.
If you talk for more than 3 minutes about non-work related things, I will walk away.

It can be that simple.

And then you can focus on your work. Having a boundary & leading by example may encourage them to return to their work, too.

You will feel better about your job, have more focus, productivity, energy, and less irritation, frustration, worry, and stress.

If you have employees to establish boundaries with, I will teach you how. Book a (free) call explore coaching with me. LHW employees, click here. Everyone else, click here. 🙂

Do you ever see those women who seem to have it all together? 

They are confident. 
They make decisions quickly & easily. 
They show up on time. 
They keep their commitments. 
Others rely on them. 
Even they seem to rely on themselves. 

How do they do it? 

I used to think women like that were born with a gene I was missing. 

But that’s not exactly true. 

It’s learned behavior that you can learn too. 

Everyone can learn to be like this. 

Getting started is actually simple. 

And the key is starting small. 

Make one small decision. 
What is one simple, easy, quick thing you promise yourself you will do? 
Schedule it. 
Show up. 
Do it. 
Celebrate that you did it. 
Evaluate. 
Wash, rinse, repeat. 

I know it seems too easy, but sometimes simple is not that easy. 
How often do you promise yourself that you will do something, and then you don’t? 

Get up earlier. 
Workout. 
Drink more water. 
Meditate. 
Go to bed earlier. 
Get more sleep. 
Get “it” together. 

When you learn to show up for yourself, you gain 
confidence, 
time, 
trust- for both yourself & others. 

You can earn more money by learning how to speak up & advocating for yourself. 

You become more resilient because you withstand adversity; you know you have your own back. 

You will engage with less people-pleasing and more self-pleasing. 

If you want to become one of those women who genuinely have it together, this is exactly what I help my clients with, and I can help you, too. Click here to get on my schedule for a free consult or here for a LHW employee coaching session.

One time, not that long ago, Scott took me on a date to a local sushi restaurant. Because we were seated at the bar, other people were at another table somewhat close behind us.

I stepped in first, moved my chair over as far into the corner as possible & scooched in as soon as I sat down, trying to keep my space small & contained & not too much.

Scott followed behind, pulled his chair out, sat far away from the counter, with his back almost to the other table, and sat with his legs crossed wide, his right ankle over his left knee.

I was upset, feeling embarrassed. I thought it wasn’t polite, and Scott should move in, slide over and take up less space.

When I asked him to do so, he said– he thought there was plenty of room and was just fine where he was.

I continued to observe and process all of this, a skill I’ve learned through coaching.

Honestly, I felt upset and just wanted him to move in so we could enjoy our dinner together.

But then I continued to “pan out” and look at the bigger picture.

No one asked him to move. No one else even moved over out of his way. So there didn’t seem to be a problem, only with me.

Hm…

I noticed that he didn’t even register taking up space as a problem. 
But I thought I should be taking up as little space as possible, being small.

Interesting. 

I realized there was no reason I couldn’t take up space, too, so I started practicing taking up space on purpose.
Not sitting squished in the corner.
Not sitting with my legs crossed and wrapped around each other twice.
I purposely stood more upright.
I purposely stood more open.
I moved in front of people, approaching them first rather than waiting for them to move to me.

Over time, I learned to speak up.
I started to ask for what I wanted.
I started to grab hold of opportunities.
And putting myself out there.

All because of coaching,
Observing my husband taking up space,
And wondering why not me?

Sometimes coaching is as easy as observing and asking why.

If you want to learn to take up space, speak up and/ or get what you want, I can help; let’s talk. Book a consult here or a LHW Employee Coaching Session here.

Summer is right around the corner, which means… swimsuit season. 

The thought of being in a swimsuit right now sounds dreadful! 

You know you had 15 pounds to lose last summer & now you’ve added winter weight. 

Doing the math, you realize you have ~ 8 weeks & you wonder how fast you can drop these 20 pounds. 

Last summer, you turned down all of the boating invites, feeling embarrassed to be seen in public, and you don’t want to do that again. 

Boating is one of your favorite things to do. 

This year, you’re determined to be comfortable enough to say yes. 

To feel confident in your body while rocking that bathing suit. 

Maybe even feeling sexy while lounging at the beach or on a boat. 

Well, you have a few choices. 

One is to accept how you look now by changing those negative thoughts & feelings into more positive ones. 

Your body could stay exactly how it is right now & you can feel confident rocking that bathing suit. 

Or you can make a physical change through diet or regular exercise. 

But you have no idea how to do it. 

You don’t even know where to start. 

You’ve seen others do it, so you know it’s possible, but you wonder what you’re missing. 

How do they do it? 
Make a plan.
Stick to it. 
Deal with the discomfort if/when it comes up. 
Celebrate & evaluate 
Wash, rinse, repeat 

Here’s what they don’t do. 

Beat themselves up. 

Quit. 

They simply return to the plan (acceptance, diet, or exercise). 

They keep trying. 

They are willing to feel uncomfortable. 

They deal with it when they do. 

They fall, and they get back up. 

They evaluate, adjust & keep going. 

It really is that simple. 

If you’d like help to be swimsuit ready either through acceptance or with physical change, I can help. We’ll specifically cover being willing to be uncomfortable & dealing with discomfort when it comes up. 

You can book a consult here or a LHW Employee Coaching Session here.

You’re at a work conference, and this is an excellent opportunity to meet people, but you’re struggling to just walk up to someone & say hi.

You don’t know how to enter a conversation smoothly.

Everyone else seems to know each other & you don’t want to be a weirdo.

You’re frustrated because you don’t know why this feels like such a big deal, yet you can’t bring yourself to do it.

You’re more inclined to stay in your room during the social hours, or when you venture out, you stand in the corner or stick to those you know.

You’re baffled at how others do this so easily.

But what if you choose to believe that everyone likes you?

How could that be true?

What would be different?

Would approaching people be easier?

Would you be able to walk up to a group and say hi?

What else would be possible?

Your brain is more likely to offer that people do not like you, but is it true?

Did they actually say they didn’t like you?

Are you just remembering that one time in high school when one of the mean girls did say she didn’t like you, but that was nearly 30 years ago?

And how many people since then DO like you?

Don’t believe the hype (the BS your brain offers).

Question everything (is it true- check the facts).

What do you want to believe instead?

Then prove it– what evidence supports this better-serving belief?

If you want help mastering the art of meeting people and making friends, I can help you. Use the link in my bio to book a consult. The only thing you have to lose is your future new best friend.