Category: Uncategorized

Are you living the life you want to live

Or do you feel both overwhelmed & kind of bored too?

You do the same thing- day in & day out: kids’ school, your work, kids’ after-school stuff, dinner & bed.

You’re happy if you have time to clean up, much less have an adult conversation or read a book, before you collapse at the end of your day.

The weekends *should* be a relief, but they are a mad dash to get everything done- more sports, hopefully, some quality family time, 

but still probably not enough time to prep for the week ahead.

Before you know it, it’s Monday again.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

If the weekend didn’t go as planned,

Or you stayed up too late & overslept Monday morning

It derails your whole week. 

You run around all day Monday trying to catch up, which bleeds into Tuesday & Tuesday into Wednesday, & so on until it’s Friday again. 

Thank goodness it’s the weekend; you can try again– even though it will be more of the same. 

And you’re exhausted & so frustrated again. 

But what if…

Monday’s chaos stays in Monday & doesn’t bleed into Tuesday?

What if Monday’s chaos isn’t really chaos, it’s just LIFE for a minute– 

The life of a busy working mom with a family & some littles? 

What if you could just stop for a second 

Think you’ve got this, 

And actually, have it? 

Do you know HOW to do this? 

It’s simple. 

You think, “I’ve got this; we’re fine.” 

And you know that you’ve got this, 

And that you are fine. 

The longer you spin out in overwhelm and being behind and “oh no, now what,” the more time, energy & effort you spend in the place you don’t want to be.

All you have to do is reassure your brain that you’ve got this. 

And know that you DO. 

If you are a busy mama who wants a life with less rushing, overwhelm, and chaos, and more calmness, self-assuredness, and chill, I can help. 

You will have more time to enjoy your life, rather than just run around. 

You will have a handle on your schedule instead of running from fire to fire. 

You will appreciate this phase of your kids’ lives, & this time in your own life.

Have you ever delegated work to an employee, only to have the project either not completed on time, or based on the wrong information altogether?

You think- WTF (with your inside voice ;)).

But, WTF, indeed- what happened?!

It’s a legitimate question because you can’t imagine what happened (in your employee’s head), and you want to know.

When you inquire from a neutral place, and don’t condemn them,

When you state only what you see, and not from frustration,

When you are honestly curious, and not making assumptions,

When you validate their experience, and not necessarily agreeing with them, but with understanding, and

When you invite their solution, and don’t just tell them what they to do,

You will create a safe environment for your employees to share openly with you so that you can collaborate.

You will see where delegation worked & broke down,
Where communication was & was not clear,
WHY they took the actions they took,
And how you would like to delegate differently next time.

Have better relationships with your co-workers.
Be on the same team.
Empower your employees.
Create meaningful relationships.
Make your work (or home) life more manageable.
Be more productive & have a more effective team with less time, energy & effort expenditure…

With these steps:

be neutral (leave your frustration behind),

state what you see (facts only, please),

get curious (ask what, not why),

validate & show you understand

invite their solution (you’re on the same team)

and after the interaction, evaluate the process (what worked, what didn’t work, and what you want to do differently next time).

You’ve just given a presentation that you’ve worked on for weeks, and as soon as it’s done, you think, “Nailed it,” and you’re walking on cloud 9 for the rest of the day. 

But then later that night, right when you lay down to sleep…

All the second-guessing and picking it apart sneaks in.

Are you sure you nailed it? 
Were you professional enough?
Did you say everything you were supposed to say? 
Surely there was something you forgot? 
And you replay it over and over and over again in your mind. 

I should have said this instead. 
I should have done it that way instead. 
Dang it, I forgot this whole thing over here. 

And just like that, you now feel like garbage. 

But if you want more confidence, more comfort, more certainty in your life– 

~ Be on to yourself. Notice that this is what your brain does. Brains are gonna brain. Meaning: it’s just trying to keep you safe, even though you aren’t really at risk.

~ Question the negative thoughts- is it true? 

~ Decide if YOU think they are true or not. (News flash, they are not true.) 

~ Either put your foot down & tell your brain “no thank you” &/or redirect it to better thoughts by looking for evidence of what worked. And choose to stay there. 

It’s normal to do this when we are used to the “habit of lack of confidence,” but if you’re not down with that & you want confidence, let’s get you some. This is exactly what I help my clients with, and I can help you, too. Use the link in my bio to book a consult.

There were a few years when I just existed and didn’t actually live my life. 

I simply wasn’t interested in participating. 

I wanted to stay home, on the couch, or in bed. 

Almost all the time. 

Any excuse would do: I was too cold, too busy, too tired, too whatever to participate in my life. 

I skipped out on everything I thought I reasonably could. 

But eventually, I felt like I was watching my life play out on a movie screen rather than living it. 

I knew something was off, but I didn’t know what it was, how to get help, or where to begin. 

I read books, watched videos, and listened to podcasts, consuming as much information as possible. 

But everything really changed when I started applying what I learned to myself and my life. 

I learned to question my thoughts. 

Here’s how: 
1. I noticed the voice inside my head, my brain, the me that talks to me. 

2. I learned how to hear it and identify my thoughts. 

3. “Is it true?” Usually, upon questioning, I could see that those thoughts were not actually true. 

4. But if they felt true, I would question further, “Does thinking this thought serve me?”

5. If that thought didn’t serve me, but I still wasn’t ready to put it down, I would turn that thought around and look for a newer, truer thought. 

6. And when my brain & I found the thought that truer thought– the old thought never bothered us again. 

Your thoughts are optional. 

You get to choose what thoughts to think. 

You can always look for better thoughts to think. 

Let’s break down the untrue thoughts you are thinking now and find better ones for you. Book a consultation call.

Do your employees & co-workers trust you? 
Do they feel respected, valued, and empowered? 
Are they comfortable collaborating with you? 

Or do they withhold, hide or try to handle problems independently, even when it might be inappropriate? 

What about your partner? 
Do they feel comfortable sharing with you?
Do you have emotional intimacy? 
Or have you drifted apart, each living in your world? 

Are you well connected with your (older) children? 
Do they know & respect your boundaries? 
Are they growing into responsible young adults? 
Or are they defensive, discontent & dishonest with you? 

If your relationships are not where you’d like them to be 
If you would like to learn how to communicate better, 
So that you have more trust from your staff, comfortable, open & honest communication with your partner, 
and peaceful & productive conversations with your children—

There are five simple steps:

1. Get calm, or at least neutral, by getting curious.
2. State what you see.
3. Validate their experience by showing you understand.
4. Invite their solution.
5. Evaluate your process so that you can communicate even better the next time.

It’s Sunday afternoon, and you’re already feeling the week’s stress sneaking up on you. 

You aren’t even at work. 

It’s technically still the weekend. 

But you can’t help it. 

You know it’s coming to a close.

And you’re dreading work tomorrow. 

And there’s that big meeting on Tuesday. 

And everyone at work is freaking out. 

Because everyone hates change. 

Ugh, it’s so annoying. 

Is noon too soon to have a drink? 

Maybe you can have lunch out & get margaritas at that Mexican restaurant. 

That will help. 

OR 

You can actually enjoy the rest of your weekend.

You still have 1/4 of the weekend left. 

You can meet a friend for lunch at the Mexican restaurant, enjoying your food, the company, and that margarita– 

Because it tastes good

Not b/c you’re drowning your sorrows. 

You can sit on the couch and read a book in guilt-free laziness. 

You can food shop & meal prep to make the rest of your week easier, but you don’t have to. 

You can watch a movie & eat popcorn surrounded by your family. 

But for God’s-sake, don’t fret, stress, & worry about your upcoming week during your time off. 

That’s what time off is for– to remove yourself from it. 

At the very least, it will be there for you on Monday morning. 

But don’t let it be there for you on Sunday afternoon, too. 

I’ll help you keep your work worries at bay. Book a free consultation call. Or if you’re a LHW employee, coaching is free for you- book an appointment. One call can change your life. 

Oh my goodness, he’s done it again.

The laundry is in a heap on the floor, right NEXT TO the hamper, not actually in the hamper.

You’ve asked him time & time again to put the dirty clothes IN the hamper, but he doesn’t.

You even moved the hamper to where he drops his dirty clothes on the floor, but still no.

So, you take a deep breath & try to remember what you learned in Christine’s Collaborative Communications workshop.

You get calm & curious.

You state what you see.

You validate & show understanding.

You ask for his solution.

And later, you evaluate.

Of course, ideally, after this conversation, the laundry makes it into the basket, but more importantly,

Because you collaborated calmly, instead of coming “at” him, he is more willing to talk about it.

Because you showed understanding instead of angrily asking him why?! He feels loved & supported, & not like he’s in ‘trouble.’

You & your partner are on the same team.

You can come to a solution that works for both of you.

And you’ve averted an argument over something as trivial as laundry.

Oh my goodness, he’s done it again.

The laundry is in a heap on the floor, right NEXT TO the hamper, not actually in the hamper.

You’ve asked him time & time again to put the dirty clothes IN the hamper, but he doesn’t.

You even moved the hamper to where he drops his dirty clothes on the floor, but still no.

So, you take a deep breath & try to remember what you learned in Christine’s Collaborative Communications workshop.

You get calm & curious.

You state what you see.

You validate & show understanding.

You ask for his solution.

And later, you evaluate.

Of course, ideally, after this conversation, the laundry makes it into the basket, but more importantly,

Because you collaborated calmly, instead of coming “at” him, he is more willing to talk about it.

Because you showed understanding instead of angrily asking him why?! He feels loved & supported, & not like he’s in ‘trouble.’

You & your partner are on the same team.

You can come to a solution that works for both of you.

And you’ve averted an argument over something as trivial as laundry.

If you want to learn how to avoid having arguments over trivial things– this is exactly what I teach my clients and I can help you, too. The first step is for us to talk. Click here to book.

What would it be like if the opposite was true?

Do you hate your job?
You feel angry, frustrated, stressed, and spend a lot of time talking about how much you hate it. You complain to your husband, best friend, and hairdresser, and you spend time trying to figure out what else you could do and how else you could make money.

But what if you decided to love it?

How COULD you love it?

Right now, with nothing outside of you changing.

Find just one thing that you like about it.

Every time your brain reminds you of how much you hate your job, remind your brain of this one reason why you like it.

Do you dislike your boss?

You don’t like how they run the office. You think you can do a better job. And you’re constantly just irritated by them. Your blood boils every time they give you another assignment, and you avoid asking for clarification because you don’t want to talk to them for another minute.

But what if you DID like them?

Even if just a little bit.

Start small.

What’s one tiny thing you appreciate about them?

It could sound like, “Well, at least they __,” finish the sentence.

Do you not like where you live?

(I admit, I grapple with this sometimes. I know I live in the “wrong” place, but thus far, I’ve chosen to stay here.)

The winters are so long and so cold and oh so gray. They seem to last forever, and you’ve forgotten what sunshine is (LOL). You spend time moping around. You tell yourself every day how much you hate it. You send pictures of people on beach cruiser bikes to your husband because you see that some people get to live in warmer climates. (No, just me?)

But what if you loved it where you live?

How COULD you love it?

What can you do to love where you live more?

There are, of course, always choices in life. 

You can choose to stay where you are (in your job, with your boss, or where you live) and remain miserable.

You can choose to leave.

Or you can choose to change how YOU feel about it.

By finding better-feeling thoughts.

And thinking those thoughts over & over again.

When your brain tries to remind you how much you don’t like what’s happening, you correct it & remind it of how you actually do.

If you would like 1:1 support to do this work, book a complimentary, no-obligation consult here.

Are you feeling overwhelmed?

I can help; let’s break it down.

1. Write down the thing that has you feeling overwhelmed.

Simply naming it helps to remove you from it.

2. How does this overwhelming thing (your answer above) have you FEEL?

Again, write a list.

Keep it to one word.

Then DESCRIBE the feeling.

What color is it?

What shape?

Where in your body do you feel it?

How heavy or light is it?

Does it move, and if so, how?

Use as many adjectives as you can.

This will dissipate the feelings.

Next, let’s get to the to-dos.

3. Write down everything to do in the “next action” format.

For example, there are several actions to getting tires changed. 

First, call & make an appointment; next, put the tires in your car.

So often, we write or think “change car tires” on our to-do list, but this is too vague.

We’re overwhelmed because we are not being specific.

Writing the next action is specific; focus here.

4. Decide what to do next & do it.

Start with one thing & go from there.

By processing through & breaking down the overwhelm, you will

Be more productive at work

Enjoy your evenings at home with your family

Work out because you enjoy it, not b/c you have to ‘blow off steam.’

And have a better life. 

Breaking down overwhelm is exactly what I help my clients do. 

If you would like to learn how never to feel overwhelmed again, book a consult here.

OR join me for my next FREE Monthly Webinar: Collaborative Communication on Monday, February 27, 2023 at 6: 30 PM MT. Click here to register & receive the Zoom link. You will see positive results from this five step communication process- guaranteed.

Do you like to travel? I love it, but it wasn’t always this way.

I used to get super stressed out. 

I would rush everywhere, practically running from place to place in disheveled haste. 

I would be stressed out about what to pack and what to leave home as if every decision was life or death. 

Every event, excursion, or add-on would throw me into a financial debate– justifying if the activity was worth the money spent. 

Because we were in new & unfamiliar places, I would be hyper-vigilant, always watching to keep Tara close & safe (sometimes hard to do with an independent, usually free-to-roam child). 

And this was supposed to be a relaxing vacation. Ha! 

I have since learned how not to worry so much & stay present. 

Things happen. Plans don’t go as planned. Connections are missed, bags are lost, and trips are canceled. 

Here’s what I do now—the best I can. That’s it. 

99.9% of these things I cannot control. 

I do my best with what I can control & I don’t try to control the rest. 

Because I know there isn’t any amount of stressing, worrying, yelling, being rude, or getting upset that will magically make a missed connection reappear. 

But staying calm, cool, and collected and moving from point A to point B will help me have a better travel (and life) experience. 

If you like to travel but are tired of stressing about it; 
if you would like to know how to stay present but don’t know where to start; 
if you want to have a better life experience, 
Let’s get you feeling better. 
I offer a complimentary, no-obligation consultation. 
Book here.

For any of you who might need this reminder, you are a human being having a human experience– even when you already know how this works! 

For example, maybe you want to plan a trip, but you’re stressed out about it– even when you’re doing good & fun things. 

You think– this will be fun, this should be easier… 
But why all the mind drama? 

Because brains are gonna brain.
Because you’ve been doing it this way for __ [insert your age here] number of years.
Because you haven’t yet, mastered it…

But you are masterING it.

Maybe, you just miss the physical & emotional cues, therefore,

You didn’t pull yourself out of it or even

Question what was going on.

Next time, try this: 

You’re feeling tightness in your forehead & chest,
feeling like a deer in headlights,
feeling selfish,
& worried about making the “right” decisions.

You are struggling to decide, 
changing your mind about decisions made, and 
asking others for their opinions over & over & over.

When you notice feeling this way, step back & ask: 

What is going on here? 
Why are you feeling this way?
And doing these things?

Answer these questions. 

For example:
You will miss being away from your home & family.
You are forgetting a commitment.
You will be uncomfortable traveling so much.
It will be too expensive.

Then ask yourself:
Is it true?
And if so, what would you like to do about it?

Yes, you might miss being away from your home & family, so shorten the trip.
Yes, you might forget a commitment, so check the dates.
You might be uncomfortable traveling, but you will also be uncomfortable staying home- which do you prefer?
Yes, it might be expensive, but that’s how much things cost nowadays.

It really is as simple as
noticing when you feel worried,
asking what’s going on,
checking to see if it’s true &
mitigating those fears & concerns.

If this interests you & you’d like to learn more,
If you’d like personalized 1-on-1, private support to work through your fears & concerns,
If you’d like to work with me, book a complimentary, no-obligation consult here.