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Unknown, unsure, and uncertain have been coming up a lot recently. Many people are facing this right now. (It’s funny how things work like this. When I worked in the Emergency Room, we joked that there was “special” on MIs, abdominal pain, or whatever the “flavor” of the shift was. Today’s special is on the unknown, LOL.) And given the global pandemic and how things are constantly changing— it’s no wonder!

For clarity, “unknown” is defined as “not to have (information of some kind) in your mind; not to understand (something): not to have a clear and complete idea of (something).” (Merriam-Webster.com)

Are you familiar with the fable about the Chinese farmer and his sons? Let me indulge you. 

Once upon a time, there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “We’ll see.” The next day the horse came back, bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening, everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “We’ll see.” The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “We’ll see.” The next day the conscription officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “We’ll see.” [https://www.craftdeology.com/the-story-of-the-chinese-farmer-by-alan-watts/] 

Of course, life would be so much easier if someone just handed us an instruction manual. You would know exactly what was around every corner and how to handle every situation. But goodness, wouldn’t that be boring? And sure, sometimes when things are really feeling uncertain and scary, you’d welcome some boring into your life… but this is the beauty of life. It just doesn’t work this way. 

Pema Chödrön asks, “How can we relax and have a genuine, passionate relationship with the fundamental uncertainty, the groundlessness, of being human?” To which she also answers, “What if we accepted it and relaxed into it? What if we said, ‘Yes, this is the way it is; this is what it means to be human,” and decided to sit down and enjoy the ride?”  [Living Beautifully, p. 4]

Oh my goodness, can you imagine? To just sit down and enjoy the ride of life? You would have so much less stress, less worry, less time spent spinning your wheels trying to hit an impossible target. 

I know… you might be thinking: but Christine, that’s a lot. I have all this stuff going on; I can’t just sit back and enjoy the ride; there’s too much to do and too many things to plan. 

Don’t worry; I’ve got you. 

Tell me: WHAT DO YOU KNOW?  

Seriously, write a list. Take out a pen and paper and write it all down and when you’re done writing, check-in is there more? Any little thing will do. You can even title it, “This is what I know…” (I like Oprah’s line: “this is what I know for sure…”) 

When you feel confused, upset, or overwhelmed with all of the unknowns, when it feels like everything is unstable and out of your control— prove to yourself that you do know some things. 

You are so angry- at what, you don’t know.
You are so frustrated- why, you don’t know.
You are so stuck- what to do, you don’t know.
You point your finger and blame everyone else, but you need to look to you.

You don’t know that you actually have the power to make changes.
It is within you, and nothing else outside of you has to change- it is all just within you.

Read books and learn about yourself and your mind.
Really and truly practice gratitude, and you will learn grace.
Get coached, and you will learn to empower yourself.
Start small, keep your promises to yourself, and you will learn to trust yourself.
Observe your emotions, question what is true, and make empowered decisions for yourself.
Be willing to be kind, loving, and open.
Wash, rinse, and repeat.

[Photo of me from Feb. 2019, back when I was miserable. Despite the fake smile in this photo, I was too angry, too frustrated, too stuck to appreciate this nice weekend away. I was also cold, so very cold- it was between negative and single digits all weekend. And I certainly didn’t appreciate that either. Damn Mother Nature in NW Montana in February! 🤣]

A few very unofficial but important coaching terms that you might have heard if you’ve coached with me. I’m sharing here for the others to learn, but while we’re here- if you HAVEN’T coached with me, what are you waiting for?! It’s time! Make an appointment: chrisitneseager.com/book. 

The RUB. If you know me, you might know I do not love the sound of styrofoam rubbing together. Max loves it b/c he knows that’s the sound of leftovers getting in his bowl, but I do not. 

The Rub is the experience of incoherence- when our actions produce outcomes that are disconnected, inconsistent, or discordant with our values. You likely feel the experience of styrofoam rubbing together before you can articulate the words to describe it, or even before you can determine why you feel that way. Noticing The Rub is the first step; it’s a signal to pay attention, to look more closely at what’s going on, specifically, what actions you’re taking that are not in alignment with your values. 

The Warm-Fuzzies are the opposite of The Rub. It’s when something feels fantastic- you might want to snuggle down and stay there for a while. When your actions and your outcomes are in alignment, it feels warm & fuzzy. This is where you experience harmony, meaning, satisfaction, and fulfillment; it’s a nice place to be. 

You might be thinking- yes, but what about when “things” come up. How can I be/ stay/ get into a warm-fuzzy place? 

Simply by being willing to demonstrate your Life’s Intentions. 

There can be hardships and difficulties around you. Nevertheless, you are willing to demonstrate being a loving family member, being a contributor to your community, being spiritually developing, or being a well-respected professional. 

The way to get to The Warm-Fuzzies is to look at those difficulties through the lens of your Life’s Intentions, and then clear next steps will become evident. 

This one is for anyone who shares information with others. 

In healthcare, there are eight rights for medication administration: the right patient, medication, dose, route, time, documentation, reason, and response. 

You can use the same eight rights for information dissemination: the right audience, information, dose or amount of information, route (in person, phone, Zoom, email, one-on-one or group meeting), time (why now), reason (for sharing the info,) and response (did the information elicit the desired effect). Regarding documentation, whenever you share information, do a quick evaluation, jotting down what went well, what didn’t go well, and what would you do differently next time? 

[photo: me at one of my favorite places for disseminating information- my home office with my buddy, via computer with sunshine & a beautiful view.]

Snapped while preparing for my “How to Give More When You’re Tapped Out” talk for the Biannual All Nursing Staff meeting at Logan Health Whitefish tonight. 

I Zoomed in for this one (I was in person for Tuesday’s talk), so I thought I’d play a few sounds bites to add some spice to my talk. Sure enough, technology said, “Um, no.” The microphone didn’t pick up the volume, and my audience couldn’t hear the sound bites. 

So… I sang “Pound the Alarm” by Nicki Minaj, “Don’t Believe the Hype,” by Public Enemy, and imitated He-Man’s “I have the power” at the appropriate times during the talk. 

You’re welcome.

Hopefully, they also learned how to deal with overwhelm, exhaustion, difficult people, lack of time, and stressful situations like getting called into the boss’ office.

If you’d like help like this, too, reach out. I have two coaching spots opening in November.

While you can’t see it in this photo, the tee-shirt I’m wearing says COURAGE in white across the front. 

cour•age (n.) the ability to do something that frightens one; strength in the face of pain or grief. 

Courage to leave comfort and safety. 
Courage to step into the unknown. 
Courage to have difficult conversations. 
Courage to forgive. 
And courage to ask for forgiveness.

Courage to do uncomfortable things. 
Courage to be vulnerable. 
Courage to find your own back. 
Then courage to have your own back. 
And courage to ask for support, too. 

Courage to learn something new. 
Courage to have no income. 
Courage to let the savings account drop to uncomfortable levels. 
Courage to give up some things. 
And courage to not give up altogether.

When it seems like “it’s not working,” 
like surely all is lost, 
when you have nothing left to give,
take a minute to look for the evidence that it IS WORKING. 

Where is your COURAGE working?
Seriously, stop and look around for a second. Right now. 

What is the result you’re striving for? 
Be specific. 
Pick one goal, result, outcome, or desire. 

Think of 3, 5, or 10 things that prove you ARE actually moving towards this goal. Find the evidence. 
Keep looking.
Take a deep breath.
Good job. 
See, it IS working, and now you’ve found proof. 

You & your courage can keep going with your bad self. 

On a personal note, if you’re still reading, thanks. 
And I have an announcement: 
As of today, I am the life coach for Logan Health Whitefish.
I’ll be working part-time as an independent contractor for a 12-week trial supporting the LHW employees and staff (in the hospital, to start). 

I am SO honored and entirely thrilled to give back to our healthcare community in this way. 

Here’s to bringing ease and grace to the employees and staff at LHW.

If you work there, please get in touch with me to get coached (text, email, DM).
If you know anyone who works there, please share this & encourage them to contact me for coaching. 
If you’re a healthcare worker interested in coaching, please reach out. I have 1-on-1 coaching available for you.

It’s 4 PM, and your boss just asked to set up a meeting tomorrow. 

You immediately think, “Uh oh, I’m in trouble. What did I do now?” 

With dread, you agree to it, but you’re not available to meet until 11 AM that’s 19 hours- NINETEEN!! 

In the meantime, you have dinner plans with your girlfriends tonight, but there’s no way you’re going to be able to enjoy dinner with this meeting hanging over your head. Plus, your boss is so rude. Who does that at 4 PM?!?!? 

You go to dinner & complain to your friends. They all jump on board with you, complaining about what a jerk your boss is. You feel better for a bit, but it’s fleeting- that sense of dread is still looming. Plus, you just spent the last 20 minutes talking smack about your boss & that doesn’t feel good either. You go home drained & exhausted.

OR
It’s 4 PM, and your boss just asked to set up a meeting tomorrow… You feel that sense of dread for a second, but you take a deep breath. 

You remember that you’re COURAGEOUS, a GOOD FRIEND, you love to have FUN and dance. Just thinking about that warms your heart- if even just for a minute.

You consider what happened, looking at the facts (that which are provable in the court of law):

At 4 PM, your boss said, “Let’s set up a meeting for tomorrow.”

As you’re considering this, you think- well, I’m not aware that I’ve done anything wrong, and even if I have, I’m not going to die from this. (I know this thought sounds drastic, but this is what our brains do- constantly look for danger and things we could die from. Our brains have not changed a lot in the past 100,000 years. )

So you take it another step thinking- 
Maybe my boss is looking to support me on my next project.
Maybe my boss wants to commend me on my last project. 
It’s possible they want to just check in with me and see how things are going.

Now, you see possibility; you feel present & optimistic and can genuinely enjoy your time at dinner laughing with your girlfriends. You go home filled up and joyous. 

#lookforthepossibility

We’ll walk side-by-side; I picture us on a beach. 

I’ll stop once in a while and look directly into your eyes, seemingly into your heart, into your soul, and I will tell you truthfully what I see- the courage, the bravery, the wonderfulness that is you- so that you can see it too. 

I’ll show you what is possible for your life, we’ll revel in this gloriousness, and then we’ll talk about how, exactly, you will make this will happen for you. 

I’ll give you tough love when you need it, but only because I genuinely love and care about you. I will hold you in this space, even when you are not there for yourself, actually, especially when you are not there for yourself. 

I’ll teach you about your brain and how it can be a jerk sometimes, but also how that’s OK because it’s just doing its job and cares about you, too. 

I’ll help you see what you’ve accomplished, and we’ll celebrate. 

We’ll look at your next steps, get super clear about what they are, and celebrate that, too. 

And then one day, you’ll look back and think, “Wow, look at where I am now. I did that. I feel good, and I did that, too. Remember how I used to be? Look at me now.” 

And you will see that you’re living a life you love, built for you, by you, and it is good. 

If you want some of that for you, REACH OUT!! It really is that easy.

International Coach Federation (ICF) defines coaching as “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential… The process of coaching often unlocks previously untapped sources of imagination, productivity and leadership.” 

CNBC:
“Life coaches work with functioning individuals who are looking to create a pathway to reaching set goals. Whether it is work, personal, or family, coaches act as unbiased thinking partners and hold their clients accountable by typically having weekly or bi-weekly one-hour sessions.”

The Life Coaching School:
“Simply put, coaching helps you identify what’s going on in your own brain. When you feel unable to get the results you want or feel frustrated with your life, coaching is the answer. A life coach can help you recognize where you’re stuck and show you exactly what needs to change when you can’t see it yourself.”

Tony Robbins: 
“The life coach definition is someone professionally trained to help you maximize your full potential and reach your desired results. They are like a supportive friend and a trusted adviser rolled into one. They’re someone who will push you to identify your goals, hold you accountable, and provide encouragement throughout your journey to become a better version of yourself.

Life coaches complete extensive training that teaches them how to ask the right questions, communicate effectively and get to the heart of your needs and desires in life.”

I have a friend who used to say,  “Handle your business!!” in a loud, drill sergeant-type way, usually directed at his kids, usually when they were trying to tattle on each other about whatever insignificance was annoying them at the time. Of course, their solution was to annoy their dad, who had nothing of it, by telling them to handle their business/ take care of it themselves. I still giggle when I hear this voice in my head when I’m ‘handling my business.’ 

What exactly do I mean by “handle your business?”  It’s simply cleaning up or dealing with whatever needs to be dealt with, so you have more mind-space (or energy) & can focus on other things.

What are the things you think about over and over again, your recurring themes? Do you have a decision to make? Is there something that you continuously push aside? Maybe you forgot about it, but oops, there it is again. 

As I’ve mentioned, September is an excellent month for a fresh start. If you’ve been around here for a while, you know how much I love to journal. So, one way for a fresh start with efficiency is to discover these recurring themes by reviewing your journal & writing a “handle your business” list.

I did this today, reviewing my journals from this past year to see: What has been niggling at me? What needs to be taken care of? What decisions am I avoiding or not making? What have I  been pushing aside or ignoring? 

A few examples: keep Max active- when he doesn’t run enough, he drives us all nuts, so, today, I made a note to stay better on top of this. 

Another, it’s helpful to remember that getting out of the house is good for me. I can grab a coffee or visit the local library (and this will be even more important during our colder months when I tend to hunker down). 

Finally, even something simple, like- it’s September, so I should keep an extra layer of clothes in the car. 

Reviewing your journal/s is an easy way to create a list of ‘business to handle,’ but don’t forget lists aren’t helpful unless you take action. So, what ‘business’ are you willing to handle today to set your future self up for success?