For my people who struggle with “not-enoughness” or lack:
I see you.
You feel like there is never enough time.
There is not enough money.
You are not enough.
You don’t do enough.
You aren’t good enough.
You aren’t taking enough care of your people, yourself, your peers, your patients.
No matter how much you give, no matter what you do, it is still not enough.
You are oh so tired of the constant battle- the worries, the stress, the decision fatigue– the what is best and where and how and why?
I have one question for you.
Is it true?
Get to the facts.
Do a time study.
Check the bank accounts.
Get feedback.
Do the research.
Often, you will find that it is not actually true. You may see the money or find the time simply doing the research.
For example, when you feel like there is not enough money- check the accounts and do the math- is it true? How much money is there; what is the exact dollar amount? How much is “enough”? Are you paying your bills every month? Do you have a roof over your head? Is your family eating? Do you have clothes to wear?
What about time? How are you spending your time? Maybe you scroll. Maybe you perseverate about worries. Maybe you spend time complaining about work when you are not at work. How’s that working for you? That’s like doing a double workday… for free. You don’t get paid for this additional time!! Stop that! What about this- how much time do you spend worrying about not enough time?
Time and time again, my clients find that what they think and believe is not really true.
When you feel like there is lack or not-enoughness, just ask yourself: is this true? And look at the facts.
Today, my client expressed how it’s so much easier to hold himself accountable when he gets support by sharing his intentions with others.
Yep.
Support expands your confidence, caring, and compassion; your innate desire to do what’s best for you & your loved ones, even (or especially) when the action you know you need to take feels challenging and scary.
We often know what we need to do, what is ours to do, but we stall, giving in to the inertia, wondering why we haven’t yet taken action.
Instead, in getting support, we can move forward to a different way of relating to each other in a kind, caring, and compassionate way…
LIVING A BEAUTIFUL LIFE.
Support is simply, “to give assistance to.” Support can look like: simply sharing what your intention is, sharing what and by when you are willing to do something, having a discussion with someone about something difficult. It’s a matter of being accountable to someone outside of yourself to help make your actions easier.
What is more interesting to you? Engaging in (continued) inertia or living an extraordinary life?
As we know, the Great Resignation continues. People are unsatisfied, unfulfilled, & generally fed up with the lack of work-life balance. During the pandemic, we had the time to notice life passing by too quickly. We had the opportunity to step back and evaluate what we wanted in life. More money, flexibility, and happiness are at the top of our lists. And being more valued is especially sought after, right now, for many healthcare workers, causing us to rethink what work really means to us. Sure, there are still bills to pay, but we are finding ways to make work accommodate our joy adventure, family, and life in general.
Sometimes the grass IS greener on the other side, and that’s OK, too.
To be appreciative is to feel or show gratitude or pleasure.
Similar to gratitude, we can look for the good in other people, sit with it for a bit, and absorb it into our core.
Do you feel generally appreciated in life? At work? For the things you do? For the things you don’t do?
What about this- how much do you appreciate those around you? Do you look for the good in others? Then, when you find it, do you take a minute to appreciate and soak that goodness into your core?
Let’s try it. Think of one person in your life. Can you list ten things you appreciate about them? Which one or two “appreciates” would you be willing to carry around with you for a bit? Are you willing to speak with that person and share your appreciation? If so, by when?
Bonus: can you do the same with someone more difficult- find ten things you appreciate about them, select one or two to hold onto, share your appreciation with them, and choose a date/ time to do so?
What do you see now? How do you imagine you will feel after you share this appreciation with them? How or do you feel when someone shares what they appreciate about you with you? Let’s get out and spread more of that goodness.
Are you one of those people who can’t leave work at work?
You worry about your employees, co-workers, and peers wondering if they are happy, if they like their jobs, or if they will leave? And if they do, who will take care of the patients?
OR
There are so many changes- what will things look like in 6 months or a year from now? Will you still have the same job?
OR
How will all the work ever get done? There are so many things to do and not enough time.
Here are a few concepts to keep in mind when mitigating our stress.
Remember that thoughts are just thoughts. We have over 60-thousand thoughts a day; 95% of those thoughts are the same thoughts we had yesterday, and 80% of those are negative. So that is 45,600 repetitive, negative thoughts a day.
Staying present- to the here and now helps. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, and worry stem from focusing on the future. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievance, sadness, and bitterness stem from focusing on the past. There is no room for these emotions when we focus on the present.
Journalling helps get the concerns out of us & onto paper so we can identify & clearly address each one.
Knowing our life’s itentions helps us determine what action to take to relieve our stress.
When we create positive experiences, we reshape the brain’s circuits to make future positive experiences more likely; we rewire our brains. Synapses that fire together, wire together. (I liken it to game trails on a hillside: the well-worn game trails are easier to get to, just as the well-worn neural pathways are easier to get to, too.)
Adapted from Dr. Rick Hanson’s book, Buddha’s Brain, there are three ways to do this:
Turn positive facts into positive experiences. Good things happen all the time. Don’t just let them roll by. Look for the good. Pay attention. Be open and mindful. Maybe your husband doesn’t bring you flowers, but he cooks dinner or holds the door open for you. Isn’t that so nice? Focus on that.
Savor the experience— hold on to it for 5, 10, 20 seconds. Don’t just run off or move on to the next thing. (“The longer it’s held in awareness, the more emotionally stimulating, the more neurons will fire and wire together and the stronger the trace in the memory.” Now you’re creating positive memory traces.) Focus on how good it feels and get into the details. When I was a kid, my grandma gave me the best hugs. I can remember exactly how it felt, what her perfume smelled like (powder), her ginormous arms wrapped around me like a blanket. Internalize the awesomeness, so you can carry it with you at all times, not just when you’re in the moment or with the person.
Soak it up. Like a sponge absorbs water or how the sun’s warmth feels through a dark tee-shirt. Relax your body and absorb the emotions, sensations, and thoughts of the experience.
