Category: relationships

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Breaking Down Defensive Walls: The Key to Better Conversations

One of the biggest challenges in healthcare communication is defensiveness. You’ve likely experienced it yourself—someone makes a comment, and before you even think about it, you feel the need to defend your actions. This is especially common in high-pressure environments like hospitals, where emotions can run high, and time is limited.

But here’s the thing: defensiveness shuts down conversations.

Instead of connecting and solving problems, it creates walls that are hard to break through. So, how can you dismantle those walls and create a space where real conversations can happen?

Problem: Why Defensiveness Takes Over

Defensiveness often kicks in when we feel misunderstood or criticized. Our brain goes into protection mode, making it hard to hear the other person’s perspective. And in healthcare, where every decision feels important, this reaction is even stronger.

But defensiveness doesn’t just hurt the conversation; it blocks the chance for true collaboration.

Solution: Focus on Empathy and Curiosity

To break through defensiveness, try leading with empathy and curiosity. Here’s how:

  • Start by acknowledging their emotions: Statements like, “I can see why you might feel frustrated,” show the other person that you recognize their experience. This lowers their defenses and opens the door for a more constructive conversation.
  • Ask questions rather than making assumptions: Instead of assuming why something went wrong, ask about their thought process. Try, “What was going on for you in that moment?” or “How do you think we can avoid this next time?” This invites a collaborative mindset, allowing both sides to work together toward a solution.

Results: Building Trust and Reducing Conflict

When you approach conversations with empathy and curiosity, you not only avoid triggering defensiveness but also build trust. People feel heard and understood, which leads to more openness, cooperation, and problem-solving.

By practicing these techniques, you can make conversations in healthcare less about defending positions and more about working together to find solutions.

Want to go deeper? My Collaborative Communication masterclass will give you practical tools to use empathy and curiosity effectively, helping you improve communication at work and home. You can register here.

If you’re a Logan Health employee, remember you have access to a free coaching with me as part of your benefits! (BTW, it’s completely confidential. I don’t share who I work with, what role coaching clients are in, what department they work in, etc.) Let’s work together to strengthen your communication skills and reduce stress in your professional life. You can book a coaching session here. 

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How to Turn Tension into Collaboration with Three Simple Shifts

Have you ever walked into a conversation already expecting tension? Whether it’s a challenging patient, a frustrated colleague, or a demanding supervisor, those moments can feel heavy and stressful before the first word is even spoken. But what if you could turn that tension into an opportunity for collaboration instead?

The problem is, we often get stuck in a defensive mindset. We’re ready to protect our point of view or respond to criticism. This only heightens the tension and prevents meaningful communication.

But there’s a way to shift the dynamic and get better results.

Shift 1: Take a Neutral Stance

When we approach conversations with an agenda or strong opinions, we unknowingly create resistance. Instead, try to stay neutral—focus on the facts, not feelings. For example, rather than starting with, “You always forget to update the chart,” you could say, “I noticed the chart wasn’t updated after your shift.” This reduces blame and keeps the conversation focused on solving the problem.

Shift 2: Ask Open-Ended Questions

People feel more valued when they’re given the chance to share their perspective. Instead of assuming you know why someone acted a certain way, ask them to explain. Questions like, “Can you help me understand what happened here?” or “What do you think might work better next time?” foster collaboration rather than confrontation.

Shift 3: Look for Solutions, Not Faults

In moments of stress, it’s easy to focus on what went wrong. But what if you focused on what could go right? By shifting your energy from finding fault to finding solutions, you open up a space where everyone can contribute ideas. You might say, “Let’s figure out how we can make this work better moving forward,” inviting a collaborative approach to problem-solving.

These simple shifts can transform tense situations into opportunities for better teamwork, understanding, and productivity.

Want more strategies like these? Join my upcoming masterclass on Collaborative Communication, where we’ll dive into the exact steps to master neutral, solution-oriented conversations in your healthcare role. Wednesday, October 23, 2024 at 11 AM MT. Replays will be available. You can sign up here.

Don’t forget—if you work at Logan Health, you can schedule a coaching session as part of your employee benefits! Let’s chat about how we can reduce tension and build stronger communication skills together. You can book a coaching session here.

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When Conversations Fall Apart

Ever notice how quickly a conversation can fall apart, whether it’s with a colleague, patient, or your team? You start with the best intentions, but suddenly the other person shuts down, leaving you frustrated and stuck.

These breakdowns happen when we focus on what someone did “wrong” rather than trying to understand their perspective. This often leads to defensiveness, miscommunication, and missed opportunities for collaboration.

But there’s a better way.

Collaborative communication shifts the focus from judgment to curiosity, allowing for open, productive conversations where everyone feels heard and respected. 

Here’s how to start:

  1. Manage your emotions. Before engaging, check in with yourself. If you’re frustrated or angry, take a moment to calm down. Deep breaths or a brief pause can make a huge difference in setting a positive tone.
  2. State what you see objectively. Stick to the facts. Instead of saying, “You never finish things on time,” try, “I noticed the project wasn’t completed by the deadline.” This avoids blame and keeps the conversation neutral.
  3. Validate their experience. Show the other person that you understand their feelings. Use phrases like, “I get how this situation could have been frustrating for you.” When people feel understood, they’re more likely to open up and collaborate.

By following these three steps, you create a safe, respectful environment that fosters honest conversation and problem-solving. Want to take it further? Join my masterclass on Collaborative Communication, where we’ll dive deeper into the full process and explore ways to apply these skills in your workplace and at home. Registration is required and you can do so here.

Reminder: as part of the benefits offered at Logan Health, employees get coaching sessions at no cost to them. You can book a coaching session here. 

P.P.S. Liked what you read? Join my email list, where I dive deeper into these concepts and teach you HOW to put them into practice in your everyday life. And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram (@christineseager_) or Facebook (@seager.christine), where I share both teaching moments and real-life examples of this work in action. 

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Four Types of Burnout: How to Spot Them and What to Do

Let’s be honest—burnout in healthcare is real. And it doesn’t show up the same way for everyone. Whether you’re caring for patients or managing a team, the daily grind can leave you feeling exhausted, stressed, and wondering if you’ve got anything left to give. The good news is—you’re not alone, and there’s a way through it.

Let’s talk about the four types of burnout that healthcare providers often face, how to spot them, and what you can do to start feeling better.

Emotional Burnout

What It Looks Like:
You know that feeling when you’re on your way to work and you’re already emotionally drained? That’s emotional burnout. Frustration is simmering just beneath the surface, and connecting with your patients or coworkers feels like a huge effort.

How to Spot It:

  • You’re emotionally exhausted before your shift even starts.
  • You’ve hit a wall when it comes to showing empathy.
  • You feel frustrated or irritated more often than not.

What to Do About It:
Take care of you first. Set some boundaries around how much you’re giving at work, and make sure you’re spending time on things that recharge your emotional tank, whether that’s journaling or even a quick walk outside.

Physical Burnout

What It Looks Like:
Ever feel like no amount of sleep is enough? Or that your body’s constantly aching, even when you haven’t done anything strenuous? Physical burnout is your body’s way of telling you it needs a break—and fast.

How to Spot It:

  • You’re always tired, no matter how much rest you get.
  • You’re catching every cold or bug going around.
  • Your body just feels… worn out.

What to Do About It:
Let’s start with the basics—sleep, hydration, water, and movement. I know it’s easier said than done, but your body needs it. Take mini breaks throughout the day, even if it’s just a few minutes to breathe or stretch. And when you’re off the clock, make time for low-impact activities that help you recharge physically.

Mental Burnout

What It Looks Like:
When you’ve been juggling a million decisions, and suddenly, your brain feels like it’s on strike. Mental burnout shows up as difficulty focusing, forgetfulness, and feeling like even small decisions are overwhelming.

How to Spot It:

  • You can’t concentrate, or you feel mentally foggy all the time.
  • You’re struggling to make even simple decisions.
  • You feel scattered and disorganized.

What to Do About It:
Slow down and take things one step at a time. Break up your tasks into smaller chunks and establish priorities. Writing things down can help clear your mental clutter and bring some clarity. And if you need to, give yourself time to pause.

Compassion Fatigue

What It Looks Like:
This one hits close to home for a lot of us in healthcare. Compassion fatigue is when you’ve given and given, and there’s just nothing left. You still care about your patients or your team, but showing that empathy feels almost impossible.

How to Spot It:

  • You feel detached or emotionally distant from those you’re helping.
  • Helping others no longer feels fulfilling.
  • You’re emotionally numb, like you’re running on empty.

What to Do About It:
Take time to reconnect with why you got into healthcare in the first place. Lean on your team for support when you need it, and don’t be afraid to step away emotionally when a situation is too draining. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so give yourself the space to refill it.

Moving Forward: Burnout Isn’t Permanent

Here’s the thing—burnout, in any of its forms, doesn’t have to be permanent. You can feel better. The first step is recognizing what type of burnout you’re experiencing and then taking small steps toward recovery. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone.

I specialize in helping people like you find balance, manage stress, and rebuild confidence. If you’re feeling burned out, let’s chat. You can book a complimentary, no-obligation consultation here.

Logan Health employees receive complimentary coaching, and I’d love to support you in getting back to a place where you feel energized and fulfilled at work and in life.

Take a small step today. Let’s work together to beat burnout and bring more balance back into your life.

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This IS the Journey

I used to be the woman constantly running—dropping Tara off at school, juggling work, soccer, ski lessons, and home (all with a supportive and helpful husband) while trying to squeeze everything into a 24-hour day that never felt long enough. I gave everything I had—my energy, my love, my time—to everyone else, including my family, my job, and my friends. And whenever I tried to carve out a little space for myself, it felt impossible, like there wasn’t enough time.

I looked at other women and wondered how they had it all figured out. They seemed to be doing something that I was missing. I felt like I was failing, like something was wrong with me because I couldn’t seem to crack the code. And I was exhausted from trying.

But here’s what I learned: nothing had gone wrong, and nothing was wrong with me. The only real difference between me and those other women? They believed they could figure it out, so they kept trying. They didn’t have some secret formula or hidden knowledge that I didn’t. They were just doing life—just like me.

They experimented with different routines, schedules, and ideas. When things didn’t work out, they didn’t label it as a failure. They saw it as part of the process and kept moving forward, adjusting as they went.

Once I realized that, I stopped believing everyone else had it figured out while I didn’t. I started making small changes and gave myself permission to let it be messy. I stopped trying to cram everything into a perfect 24-hour container and started focusing on what worked for me. I saw that I was not failing at life. I was living it. This was the process; it was the journey.

And I want you to know that if this resonates with you, I can help you go from feeling overwhelmed and exhausted to feeling more in control. Together, we’ll focus on practical strategies for managing your time, prioritizing what matters to you, and making small, meaningful changes. You don’t have to figure it out alone. I’ll be there to support you as you find what works so that you can live a life you truly love.

If you want an easy way to come and see what I’m all about, join the How to Manage Your Time Masterclass on Wednesday, September 11, at 11 AM. Registration is required, and you can do so here.

I’ll be there waiting for you with open arms. I’ve got you. 💕💕

P.S. Reminder: Employees get free coaching sessions as part of Logan Health’s benefits. You can book a coaching session here.

P.P.S. Liked what you read? Join my email list, where I dive deeper into these concepts and teach you how to put them into practice in your everyday life. And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram (@christineseager_) or Facebook (@seager.christine), where I share teaching moments and real-life examples of this work in action.

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emotional responsibility

This week at Christine Seager Coaching, we’re focusing on emotional responsibility—allowing others to own their thoughts and feelings while reclaiming control over our own. It’s a mindset shift that empowers us to manage our emotional experience, no matter the circumstances.

As healthcare professionals, you know that emotions can run high in stressful environments. But did you know that you hold the power to decide how you respond? When we blame others for our frustration, sadness, or disappointment, we unknowingly hand over our emotional power. But what if we could reclaim it?

From a young age, we’re often taught that others are responsible for our feelings. When someone says something hurtful, we believe that pain is their doing. But as adults, we have the ability to reflect, choose our thoughts, and ultimately, decide how we want to feel.

Imagine approaching your day knowing that your emotions are within your control—not dictated by your boss, patients, or colleagues. How empowering would it be to realize that frustration or disappointment isn’t caused by outside forces, but by how we choose to interpret those forces?

By accepting responsibility for our feelings, we open the door to true emotional freedom. Instead of reacting on autopilot or avoiding discomfort, we can choose how we want to feel. The result? We start living a life of intention, rather than default.

Try this: The next time you feel frustration or stress in the workplace, pause and ask yourself, ‘What am I thinking right now that’s creating this feeling? And do I want to keep thinking this way?’ Shifting your mindset from blame to ownership can be transformative.

You have the power to take charge of your emotional experience.

Reminder: as part of the benefits offered at Logan Health Whitefish, employees get free coaching sessions. You can book a coaching session here. 

P.S. Liked what you read? Join my email list, where I dive deeper into these concepts and teach you HOW to put them into practice in your everyday life. And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram (@christineseager_) or Facebook (@seager.christine), where I share both teaching moments and real-life examples of this work in action.

P.P.S. You can register for the next free Christine Seager Coaching Masterclass on What to Do When You’re Not Getting Results by clicking here. 

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MIRRORING

Have you ever noticed how we tend to mirror one another? It’s a natural part of human interaction. When someone is upset, we often find ourselves feeling upset as well. If someone is critical, we might respond with our own criticism. This mirroring happens instinctively, but with some awareness, we can manage it and use it to better help ourselves and others.

How Mirroring Works

Mirroring means we think, feel, and do what we want the other person to think, feel, and do. It’s like holding up a mirror to their behavior. If someone is kind to us, we will likely be kind in return. But if someone is negative, we might reflect that negativity back at them. This process can work both positively and negatively.

The problem is that our default setting often leans towards negativity. It’s easy to get caught up in a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions, especially in challenging situations. But here’s the good news: we can override this default setting. By becoming aware of our reactions, we can choose to respond differently.

A Common Example: The Critical Mother-in-Law

Imagine your mother-in-law is constantly criticizing you. She judges your decisions, offers unsolicited advice, and seems to believe that you’re doing everything wrong. Naturally, you might think, “She shouldn’t criticize me; she shouldn’t judge me; she should be nicer; she should mind her own business.”

But take a moment to notice what’s happening here. You think she’s doing it wrong—exactly what she’s thinking about you. You’re both caught in a cycle of judgment and negativity.

Feelings: A Reflection of Each Other’s Emotions

Mirroring also happens with emotions. If someone you care about is upset, you might get upset that they’re upset. Or if they’re worried, you start worrying about how much they’re worrying. This emotional mirroring can amplify the situation, leading to even more distress for both parties.

Actions: Reacting in Kind

Our actions often mirror the actions of others. If someone yells at you, it’s easy to start yelling back. If someone shows up upset, you might match their mood. But what if you didn’t have to react this way? What if there was another option?

Breaking the Cycle: Awareness Is Key

The truth is, their thoughts don’t affect you. What affects you is your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. You might think you’re mad because your mother-in-law is judging you, but in reality, you’re mad because of your own judgment of her—and maybe even your own self-judgment.

So, ask yourself: In what way have I become the exact thing that I disapprove of in them? Identifying this is not about shaming yourself or thinking you should or shouldn’t feel a certain way. It’s simply about awareness. “Oh, I get it; that’s what’s going on for me. That’s why I’m feeling this way.”

Sometimes, just being aware of what’s happening is enough to help you put it down. When you understand that you’re mirroring the other person’s negativity, you can choose to respond differently. You can choose not to mirror their anger, judgment, or worry. Instead, you can decide how you want to think, feel, and act.

The Power of Choice

Mirroring is a natural part of our interactions, but it doesn’t have to control us. By being aware of how we’re mirroring others, we can choose our responses. We can break the cycle of negativity and create more positive, constructive interactions. It starts with awareness and deciding to override these “default” settings.

Remember, you don’t have to be what you disapprove of in others. You can choose a different path.

Reminder: as part of the benefits offered at Logan Health, employees get free coaching sessions. You can book a remote or Zoom coaching session here. 

P.S. You can register for the next free Christine Seager Coaching Masterclass on What to Do When You’re Not Getting Results by clicking here. 

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under-living

Are you under-living? 

It might look like: 

~ a job you don’t love. 

~ relationships that are more stressful than joyful. 

~ travel you’re not taking. 

~ time you’re not spending doing what you love to do. 

~ feeling like a robot going from one required task to the next. 

You’re so annoyed with where you’ve wound up, with what you’re doing with your one wild and precious life. 

(You hate to admit that you feel like you might be wasting it.) 

You want more. 

You have dreams. 

You wish you could just step out of your life into a different one. 

Or maybe you like most of your life if only you could

~ be a better parent. 

~ have a different body. 

~ be a better manager. 

~ feel more confident. 

~ make more time. 

~ have a better marriage. 

~ feel in control of your life at large. 

~ could have more excitement & adventure like you used to. 

You feel stuck, frustrated, disappointed, and discouraged, and you have basically given up on remembering what you love to do. 

You want to make changes, but it feels overwhelming. 

You worry that it may not be possible for you. 

You don’t know where to start. 

You don’t know what to do. 

You don’t follow through. 

You aren’t consistent. 

So things just stay the same. 

Even though you so desperately want a different experience for yourself, your life, and your family. 

Please know that under-living is optional. 

You can opt-out.

And opt-in to living a life you truly love. 

It IS possible. 

You can have all of those things—be a better parent, have a better body, be a better manager, feel more confident, make more time, have a better marriage (have better relationships), feel in control of your life, have more excitement and adventures—live a life you love. 

And here’s the kicker– nothing outside of you has to change. 

It starts with you, just you, and your brain—where you choose to focus and how you choose to manage your mind. 

If you want to learn how, book an appointment or set up a consultation. We’ll discuss what you’re looking for specifically, and I’ll tell you how coaching can help. Then, the fun part—we’ll get to work creating a life you love. 

Go from this:

To this:

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jealousy

Jealousy often gets a bad rap. It’s usually seen as a negative emotion that breeds resentment and unhappiness. But what if we could flip the script on jealousy and view it as an indicator of our own desires and aspirations? Instead of letting envy fester, we can use it as a catalyst for personal and professional growth. Here’s how this unconventional take on jealousy could play out in your life.


Imagine you’re a nurse who feels jealous of a colleague who recently received a promotion to a managerial position. Instead of stewing in resentment, recognize that this jealousy is highlighting your own desire for career advancement. You want to be recognized for your hard work and dedication, too. Use this realization as motivation to seek out leadership training, take on more responsibilities, or speak with your supervisor about your career goals. By doing so, you can position yourself for future promotions and achieve the professional success you crave.


If you are a physician, you may feel envious of a fellow doctor who perfectly balances their demanding job with a vibrant personal life, including ample family time and engaging hobbies. This jealousy reveals your own yearning for a better work-life balance. Start by assessing your current schedule and identifying areas where you can delegate tasks or streamline processes. Prioritize self-care and set boundaries to ensure you have time for personal interests and family. By making these changes, you can enjoy a more fulfilling and balanced life.


Perhaps you’re a medical technician who feels jealous of another technician with specialized skills that lead to more interesting assignments and higher pay. This envy is simply your inner voice telling you that you want to develop your own expertise. Look for opportunities to attend workshops, earn certifications, or take advanced courses in your field. By enhancing your skills, you’ll open doors to exciting assignments and greater recognition.


As a healthcare assistant, you might envy a colleague attending a prestigious continuing education program or medical school. This jealousy points to your own aspirations for further education and career advancement. Research educational opportunities that align with your interests and goals, and take steps to apply for programs or scholarships. Investing in your education will pave the way for a brighter and more rewarding future.


Imagine you’re a junior doctor feeling jealous of an experienced doctor who has a strong rapport with patients and is often requested by name. This envy indicates your desire to build similar relationships with your patients. Focus on developing your communication skills and empathy. Take time to listen to your patients and understand their concerns. By doing so, you’ll build trust and rapport, becoming a beloved and respected doctor in your own right.


If you’re a healthcare researcher feeling envious of a peer who frequently publishes in high-impact journals and is invited to speak at conferences, this jealousy highlights your ambition for academic recognition. Channel this energy into your own research projects. Collaborate with colleagues, seek mentorship, and dedicate time to writing and submitting your work for publication. By committing to your research, you’ll gain recognition and make significant contributions to medical knowledge.

The key to transforming jealousy into action is to recognize it as a signal of your own desires. Once you’ve identified what you want, take proactive steps to achieve it.

  1. Assess: Reflect on what specifically triggers your jealousy. What does this person have that you want?
  2. Plan: Define what achieving this desire looks like for you. Set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals.
  3. Implement: Develop a plan to work towards your goals. This might include seeking additional training, networking, or making lifestyle changes.
  4. Commit: Remember that achieving your dreams takes time and effort. Stay committed to your goals, and be patient with yourself.

By turning jealousy into a driving force for positive change, you’ll not only make your dreams come true but also experience additional benefits:

You’ll feel more energized as you work towards your goals.
Your self-improvement will help you grow personally and professionally.
Achieving your desires will lead to a greater sense of fulfillment and happiness.
Focusing on your own growth rather than comparing (and despairing) yourself with others can lead to healthier and more positive relationships.
You can inspire those around you to pursue their own dreams and aspirations.

Jealousy does not have to be a problem. Instead, you can view it as a powerful indicator of what you want in life. By recognizing and acting on these desires, you can transform envy into action and create a fulfilling and successful life.

Reminder: as part of the benefits offered at Logan Health Whitefish, employees get free coaching sessions. You can book an in-person coaching session here or a remote/Zoom coaching session here. 

P.P.S. You can register for the next free Christine Seager Coaching Masterclass on How to Change Your Self-Concept by registering here.

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collaborate

Are you someone who would like to have a better relationship with someone than you do now? 

Perhaps it’s your direct reports, your teen, or your spouse. 

When they feel safe sharing openly with you, there will be less conflict, tension, and chaos and more connection, cooperation, confidence, and trust. Managing, parenting, and being in a relationship will stop feeling so hard, and you will experience more calm, peace, and joy. 

The first step is to notice when you are triggered. How does it feel in your body? For me, I feel tight and tense. It feels like my blood pressure is rising; maybe my hands are in fists. My heart rate is faster, and my heart is pounding. 

To calm your emotions, get curious. Take a deep breath & think to yourself, “I wonder what happened here.” 

When you’re calm, you can respond intentionally rather than react emotionally. 

When you’re calm, they will be more open to having a conversation with you rather than shutting down. 

Next, find a good time to talk to them and state what you see objectively. 

State the facts, just the facts, with no tone or judgment (which you can do now that you’re being curious). 

My favorite phrase is, “I notice… [state fact].” 

I.E., “I notice a vape pen in your backpack.” 

Or “I noticed you were 20 minutes late to work.” 

These words from you will help them stay open and not defensive because they are not anticipating being in ‘trouble,’ judgment, or anger. 

Next, validate to show understanding. When you normalize what they are feeling, they feel like you understand them, you get them, and they remember that you are on the same team. 

You will reflect back their feeling and acknowledge the situation. 

I.E., “It makes sense that you feel left out when all your friends vape.” 

Or, “It’s understandable that you were 20 minutes late when you discovered that your car door was frozen shut.” 

Important note: this does not mean you agree with or condone their behavior. You are merely validating their experience. 

Then, invite their solution. 

People have an overwhelming desire to do well. We want to have autonomy and figure things out on our own. As managers, we want to ensure they stay within organizational boundaries. As parents, we want to help them build problem-solving skills safely and with our guidance. 

You can do this by simply asking them, “What are you going to do?” 

Your kids might respond by saying they don’t know. You can help them unhinge their inner knowledge by following up with, “I know you are really smart; I bet you can figure this out.” Or you can ask, “What would you tell __ (state their friend’s name here) to do?” This helps separate them from the problem and helps them come up with creative solutions. 

Lastly, make sure they know you are available for support and guidance by simply offering, “I’m here if you’d like help.” 

When you communicate collaboratively, you will be amazed at how much better your relationships can be with less stress, worry, and anxiousness. 

Reminder: as part of the benefits offered at Logan Health Whitefish, employees get free coaching sessions. You can book an in-person coaching session here or a remote/Zoom coaching session here. 

P.P.S. You can register for the next free Christine Seager Coaching Masterclass on How to Change Your Self-Concept by registering here.