Author: Christine Seager

Do you support your spouse, I mean REALLY support your spouse- to be the person they want to be? 

At this point in our marriage, we hardly say no to each other. But it hasn’t always been that way.  

I allowed fear and negativity to rule me for much of my life. When my husband started talking to me about his desire to go on medical mission trips, I naturally said no. I was scared and worried about… everything. There were many unknowns. Would he be OK? What would happen to us? Could I manage the house and property alone? Quite frankly, I felt he should just be home taking care of us. I felt guilty and selfish for feeling this way, making it all that much worse. 

I put on my (fake) happy face for our daughter, co-workers, family, and friends, pretending to be the loving and supportive wife I wanted to be. (Only those who knew us best knew I was not happy about these trips.) 

Through coaching, I learned how he is the hero in his own life. (By the way, we are all the heroes of our own lives.) I understood his desire to make a difference in the world by helping those who need it most, and that “just staying home with his family,” who have health, wellbeing, and everything we need, is not enough to satiate this drive in him. 

I learned that I am OK, alone. I can have my own life, too; after all, I have my own goals and dreams and a desire to make a difference. I have what I need within me, including my own happiness, and with that, he is no longer solely responsible for making me feel good, or happy, or secure. 

We have acceptance and freedom in our relationship, and with that comes an even deeper love. We really and earnestly support each other one hundred percent, and our entire relationship is at a whole different level. 

I still worry about his safety, but I find peace in knowing he’s doing what he is meant to do in this life, and it feels good that I am supporting him to be the man he wants to be. 

This is the photo of a happy girl. I was thrilled to be outside, on a random weekday, with a group of awesome women. 

This life is by design. It wasn’t always easy, and it’s taken me a while to get here, but that’s OK because I still have the rest of my life to live a life I love. 

~ has an established process for helping you get results

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~ guarantees that you will get results from your sessions together

~ can cut the time it would take you to achieve a goal in half

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~ has the skill to see your blind spots objectively and help you shift them forever

~ knows how to motivate you to do things you think are impossible

~ provides a non-judgmental space with no distractions or interruptions to work with you

~ keeps you accountable to massive action 

~ continually shows you where you are growing and improving

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~ tells you the truth without holding back 

~ helps you transform your emotions, marriage, money, career, relationships, and health

~ has a library of tools, tips, and techniques to help you overcome your stopping points, anxiety, procrastination, self-doubt, overwhelm, and imposter syndrome 

(based on a post from @sadecurry)

So this happened today. #dreamsdocometrue #practicemakesperfect

Y’all, I am actually living the dream. 

When I quit my 9 to 5 two years ago, one of the reasons was because I wanted to travel and be location independent. Last week we went to Solana Beach for the weekend. We rented a convertible, swam in the sea, and enjoyed spending all of our time together. 

And while we’re all special snowflakes, there is nothing unique about me. If I can do it, you can, too.

One of my favorite parts of coaching is being a product of my product, but listen- it isn’t always easy.

I had a huge vulnerability hangover after my talk did not go as well as planned on Saturday. Immediately after, I felt like garbage. I even snapped at my mom, who did not deserve that (sorry, mom).

What did I do? I got back up, and I brushed myself off.

First, I got support:
I called my husband and bawled my eyes out. He made me feel much better. Thank you, Scott; I love you so much.

Then, I reminded myself:
It’s done. There is no need to waste time going over it again and again.
Why do I do these talks in the first place? What is my purpose?

Next, I learned:
What did I do well?
What could I do better?
What can I do for MYSELF to learn to come from a better place?
What can I do for my CLIENTS to serve them better now that I’ve had this experience?

Finally, because I knew I was not alone, I listened to an expert: Ms. Brené Brown. I remembered hearing her talk about her vulnerability hangover after one of her TEDTalks, on her Netflix special, Call to Courage. I watched the whole thing over again. Some nuggets:

“For connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.” I no longer care what people think about me, nor am I afraid to show up as myself because I know that my opinion is the most important one.

“Show me an act of courage without uncertainty, risk, or emotional exposure.” You can bet your bootie that I’m not going to let one, or 5, or 10 “not so great” talks keep me from helping others create more ease and grace in their lives.

And lastly, from her daughter Ellen:
“That sucked, but I was brave, and I won.”

“Want to get really great at something? Get a coach,” is the title of Atul Gawande’s TED2017 Talk, during which he ponders, “How do professionals get better at what they do? How do they get great?” 

He starts by discussing the traditional view: “…you go to school, you study, you practice, you learn, you graduate, and then you go out into the world and make your way on your own.” 

And then the other view, taken from sports: “you are never done, everybody needs a coach. Everyone. The greatest in the world needs a coach.” 

Itzhak Perlman, the world-famous violinist, conductor, and music teacher, had a coach. His wife Toby gave up her job as a concert violinist to coach him, making suggestions for what he could try differently next time. Yes, even Itzhak Perlman had a coach.

Gawande points out, “there are numerous problems in making it on your own [the traditional view]. You don’t recognize the issues that are standing in your way, or if you do, you don’t necessarily know how to fix them. And the result is that somewhere along the way, you stop improving.” He realized that was what had happened to him as a surgeon, and he considered, “Is this as good as I’m going to get?” 

So, you guessed it; he got a coach. 

His coach observed him and pointed out several small things that mattered, but more importantly, his coach brought a whole other level of awareness.  Gawande states, “[Coaches] are your external eyes and ears, providing a more accurate picture of your reality. They’re recognizing the fundamentals. They’re breaking your actions down and then helping you build them back up again. After two months of coaching, I felt myself getting better again. And after a year, I saw my complications drop down even further. It was painful. I didn’t like being observed, and at times I didn’t want to have to work on things. I also felt there were periods where I would get worse before I got better. But it made me realize that the coaches were onto something profoundly important.” 

If you want to get really great at something, get a coach.

What does presence mean to you? 

For me, it’s keeping my mind focused on being right here, right now, at this moment… and then this moment… and then this moment, too. 

From Eckardt Tolle in The Power of Now, “Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry- all forms of fear- are caused by too much future and not enough presence. 

Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”

The future has yet to come; cross those bridges when you get there. 

The past has already happened; what’s done is done.  

Are you taking care of yourself?
Are you taking care of yourself FIRST?
Are you taking care of yourself AT ALL?

As a nurse, I learned that I have to take care of myself BEFORE taking care of others. Sometimes that is a luxury that is hard to come by. Call for support if you need to.

And while we’re on the subject of support, wouldn’t you be HONORED to help a friend? It makes you feel good, right? When you could use a little help, reach out & let one of your friends feel good, too- let them do for you what you would love to do for them.

How do you take care of yourself?

I used to have a journal that I referred to as My Bi*ch Book. The theory was, if I had one place to put all of my complaints, I would “get them out of my system” and not complain or think about them again. In actuality, the opposite was true. 

Bringing all of those complaints into physical reality by writing about them solidified them, making them more tangible and concrete. It put more negativity into the universe. 

Now, instead of focusing on the negative, I choose to focus on the positive by “expanding it,” a concept from Rick Hanson’s book, Buddha’s Brain. 

I look for the positive, even the littlest things, and in all experiences. 

I spend a few seconds focusing on the positive experience before moving on. 

And I imagine absorbing it into my bones or in my core being, as a sponge absorbs water.