I wanted to share a moment with you that taught me a huge lesson about staying calm in difficult situations.
One time, I had two direct reports who left work early. They had finished their productive work for the day and just…left. The problem? They were still required to work 40 hours a week, and their early exit was not okay.
My first reaction was immediate anger. My heart was pounding; my mind raced with questions like, “How could they just leave like that?” and “What were they thinking?” I could feel my frustration rising as I prepared to confront them.
But as a coach, I now know to do something I wish I had learned sooner— to pause. Instead of charging into that conversation with anger, to take a beat and give myself a moment to think before reacting.
Pausing would have given me the space to shift from defensiveness to curiosity. Instead of assuming they didn’t care or weren’t taking their jobs seriously, I wondered, “What was their reasoning?” or “Was there something going on that I didn’t know about?”
This curiosity could help me approach the conversation much calmer. I could say, “I noticed you left work early today,” and have a productive discussion that leads to more understanding—and a clearer plan moving forward.
How to Stay Calm When You’re Angry
We’ve all been in situations where our first instinct is to react emotionally. Whether at work with your team or home with loved ones, your emotions can take over before you’ve had time to think. And when that happens, conversations can spiral into frustration, defensiveness, and conflict.
But staying calm is possible, even when your initial reaction is anger.
Here’s a little trick that has worked wonders for me: When you feel the heat rising, pause and take a beat. This gives you enough time to gather your thoughts and prevent your emotions from dictating your reaction. It’s a small habit that can make a big difference in the heat of the moment.
When you give yourself that brief pause, you create space to shift from judgment to curiosity. Instead of jumping to conclusions or making assumptions, you can ask questions that lead to understanding, opening the door to a meaningful, productive conversation rather than an argument.
This small change in approach can prevent so much conflict—and build trust and collaboration instead.
Practice Makes Progress
Like any skill, staying calm and leading with curiosity takes practice. But the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. Over time, your conversations become less stressful and more productive.
If this approach sounds like something you’d like to explore more, I’ll cover it in my Collaborative Communication Masterclass. It’s a great opportunity to learn actionable strategies to stay calm in challenging situations and improve your conversations. I will help you apply these strategies in your daily life, making your day more productive and your relationships better.
Reminder: as part of the benefits offered at Logan Health, employees get free coaching sessions. You can book a coaching session here.
P.P.S. Liked what you read? Join my email list, where I dive deeper into these concepts and teach you HOW to put them into practice in your everyday life. And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram (@christineseager_) or Facebook (@seager.christine), where I share both teaching moments and real-life examples of this work in action.