Have you heard Brene Brown’s explanation- trust is like a marble jar? If not, you can Google it, but briefly: her daughter’s 3rd-grade teacher had a jar where if the kids made great choices together, the teacher added marbles. If they were not making great choices, the teacher took out marbles. And when the jar was filled up, there was a celebration for the class.
Brené explains that trust is built in very small moments that are accumulated, similar to how the kids’ good behavior filled up the marble jar.
This is also how we build self-trust.
How often are you making plans & promises to yourself & not showing up, following through, or doing the thing?
If it was a friend, you might make plans to meet at the gym, walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes & catch up over green juices afterward, but she doesn’t show up. So you give her another chance. She doesn’t show up again. How about a third- this time, you say- for reals, you have to show up, or I’m not hanging out with you anymore; I can’t be bothered. And she doesn’t show up. Now, you’re done; you stop making plans with her.
If it’s you, you might make plans with yourself to go to the gym, walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes & have green juice afterward, but you get busy & don’t go. You try again but don’t show up again. So, you give yourself a third chance, & this time you say to yourself- for reals, you have to show up, or I’m not… what? You can’t not hang out with yourself; you’re stuck with yourself, but you’ve also given up on yourself.
You can build your self-trust by filling up your own marble jar.
Start by making small, easy promises to yourself, & keeping them- no matter what.
Do something easy- 5 minutes or less. Don’t spin about, “what is the exact thing I’m going to promise myself to do?” Just pick something easy, plan it, and when the time comes- do it- no matter what. Then celebrate that you did it.
Over time, keeping your promises to yourself will get easier. This is because you will keep showing up for yourself & have learned to trust yourself.
